"Violet, blue, green, red to keep me at arm's lenght don't work."
A friend of mine was struggling after a break-up, she was feeling lonely and came to me for advice. My first thought was "how can I show her that I care, but not getting too involved?".
Why don't I want to get involved? She's my friend, I love her. Why does everybody's "bad" feelings scares me so much?
I know how to deal with my own feelings, sorta... But, when it comes from another person, I'm totally lost. It's not that I'm a psychopath, or that I don't have empathy. No, I just don't know how to say the words from the heart, I was never good in vocalizing it.
Maybe I'm not for this, you know? Maybe I'm better at showing up with a bottle of wine and a mother's hug. But, is it enough?
This makes me think that maybe, this is the culmination of a rough childhood. Is growing up seeing my mother being emotionally distant made me her? A perfect mirror? Or, all of my trauma made me independent? Wise? Mature?
Am I being mature or just rationalizing everything?
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