Nobody likes you more than when you’re being yourself.
My birthday is coming up, to be clear it’s an anniversary of my birth. Technically you only have 1 birthday.
But that’s me nitpicking things.
I’ve never cared for my ‘birthday’. My family was… forgetful? Didn’t care seems more like it.
Usually a week or two after my birthday my father or mother would ask, “Wasn’t your birthday last month?”.
“Yes. Yes it was.”
“Oh. Okay then.”
And that’s it.
Sure the first few times hurt, everyone else made a big deal about their birthdays and such. But I never did. So it’s easy to forget when I don’t say anything I guess.
Is it wrong for me to want people to care without me having to remind them?
I guess so.
Anyways. Now I just, don’t. Sometimes my brothers will send me a text message about it. But that’s about it. My kids never remember. Ashley… remembers, but her daughters birthday is 6 days before mine. So she focuses on that.
My mother and I haven’t talked in years. But when we did, she would tell me happy birthday in March. .... Then argue with me that she KNOWS when I was born. Since she gave birth to me and etc etc. Just another guilt trip, once she winds down, i show her my birth certificate. Showing my birthday in April. She shuts up and says, “Well I remember it different.”
Right.
My dad will sometimes remember, but usually it’s a text message shortly after one of my brother texts me about it, so clearly they had to remind him. Once in a while it will be a phone call, but that’s just to remind me that he’s dying and I am or am not the executor of his will. And then wants to list off the things he’s leaving me, when I don’t get excited or when I tell him i don’t want his crap he gets really mad and we don’t talk again for months or years. When that happens, I’ll get a text a few days later letting me know I’ve been removed as the executor of his will again, since I don’t care. Follow that with him texting me a few months later to let me know that I am once again the executor, since no one else wants to do it. I’ll say “Okay.”, then I hear nothing for months.
This year Ashley’s already talking about going out to eat for my birthday, to which I asked, “Why?”.
There’s nothing special about the day, we’re about to move and need to save money. It’s seems stupid to go out and spend money on food, when we already have food at the house. Food I’ve already paid for and can just make to eat. I understand her not wanting to cook, and she gets mad if I cook. Not because I’m a bad cook, just that she feels it’s her duty to cook for me and if I’m doing the cooking then she’s doing a bad job as a wife/partner.
I get unreasonably moody around this time of year too. Somewhere caught between wanting people to remember my birthday and mention it unprompted, or just forgetting completely. Doesn’t matter which you do I’ll be mad about it.
My anger isn’t always reasonable. In fact usually it’s not reasonable at all. Maybe this is more than just anger, just childhood abuse/neglect that’s now transferred over to a ‘fully functioning’ adult.
I suppose I should talk about this day’s song.
But life is full of disappointments.
So. You should probably get used to that.
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