Hello again my digital friend,
I always tell myself I want to write more when I see you but then I never do. I’m great at that, you know, mentioning I want to do something and then never achieving it.
Recently life has been good, living my life as a house cat is very enjoyable. I’ve been staying extra busy these past few days with extra curricular goals to make me feel like I am not just a burden to the people in this house. However, my help can only really be limited to just two rooms in this place.
Isa’s mom is great. To be honest, she is hard to complain about so when I do have gripes I feel like an asshole and just brush it under the rug. I am grateful she let me move in with her and I respect her rules and wishes even if I have to roll my eyes in my own privacy. I’d like to say we haven’t had any big problems but unfortunately about two weeks ago I fucked up.
To frame this correctly, I am not judging her by any means.
Before I moved in, Isa showed me on video call what the house looked like inside. I was aware that it was cluttered and disorganized. As someone who grew up in a kinda similar house, I get it.
So, boom. I move in. No problem with her house situation, like I said, I get it. She moved from a big house to a medium house, she’s taking her time wading through the years of items. Normal human activity.
I’ve seen hoarders, I know how people can become when their things are touched without their permission even if it’s something like an expired coupon from 2012. I didn’t touch anything in her house for almost 5 months. Everything remained just as displayed and sprawled as they ever did.
Her sister stays for a week, they spend the week cleaning the garage and organizing. Nice! I thought it was sweet they could spend a week together and have fun as sisters. But, in the back of my mind, I knew that her sister staying for a week would unfortunately be the catalyst to something bigger. Isa had already confessed to me they do this every year. And, it ends the same way.
They get in a huge argument.
My concerns were more about a 3rd party opinion poisoning my well. As you can imagine, I’m jobless and enjoying life. This is an agreement my partner and I made together, I would take time off working and relax a little. This is also an agreement we told his mom about and she said she didn’t care as long as I didn’t essentially become her second child.
I buy my own food, I pay for my own pleasure, I clean all my messes, and I don’t ever invite people over.
I sit in a room at a desk 80% of the time. I’m like a decoration.
To resume the sister story, they didn’t argue. Great! So, the cleaning train continued. Instead, they were taking the party to her sisters place. They spent about four days cleaning together before she came home.
The day before she left I noticed the fridge was organized. I asked who organized it, she said her sister. “Oh, did she ask you before?” I reply.
“No, but it’s ok. She just organized her stuff.”
The entire fridge was organized, even my food.
I tell her that was nice of her sister, and she offers “You can organized too if you want.” I say thanks and I move on with my day. I don’t care that my food was touched, whatever. The point is she said her sister organized, didn’t ask, and life was fine.
My stupid, fucking idiot brain thinks that because she’s been cleaning and organizing all week she would just appreciate if I took one of those tasks off her hands and organize a small space for her in the kitchen.
A single counter.
All I did was throw away expired food (Mold, past due by years, etc.) and organize it to look less cluttered.
She gets home and holy fuck.
She can’t live with me for 10 more months.
We should move out.
I’m trying to take her out of her house.
I hid all of her things (actually, I put all of her food out nicely in front of mine so it was easier for her to see and also DISPLAYED DECORATIONS she had hidden in her clutter.)
I don’t help her enough with cleaning and organizing (it’s ok to laugh).
I don’t have a job and I “kick rocks” all day.
I’m going to eat my own hands off.
Anyways, both he and his mom have returned to normal life and say that was just a freak out and everything is fine. To me that was just a preview of how she might actually feel about me which makes me feel scared and insecure about my living situation.
Another day, another cycle in the percolator.
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