I realised today, i think i miss you,
You were my “meant to be”
But I think I miss the abuse more
Its more familiar to me.
That’s the pain I know
The one that I can plan for
I don’t know how to treat this pain
I know how to treat the bruises more
At least you had a pattern
A cycle I could read
This pain comes in the dark of night
Its far easier just to bleed.
The physical pain is fleeting
A bruise will heal, a cut will close
The emotional pain just stays there
When it heals, no one knows.
If I could turn off this pain
And return to what I know
I would do it in a heart beat
And watch the good and bad flow
There is one tiny problem though
You may have already guessed it
You have caused both of these pains
And it’s quite unlikely you’ll quit
I guess I don’t miss you
I miss the familiar, the known
The pain you caused, and loved
And the you that could have grown
I also miss who I thought you were
Who i saw in the glimpses of sun
Before you revealed your true self
And made us have to run.
I hate the pain I deal with now,
But I hate what you did to her more
I will never go back to what you were
I’ll just have to see what the future has in store.
So keep your pain and cycles
And I’ll keep my head up high
And one day you’ll get your reckoning
While we are flying high.
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