Yep. Amazing what a few days of sun will do. Even if it is cold, but I admit this picture was taken on this day but 16 years ago. The trees now are only maybe two days behind then, beginning to blossom. We have this brief window of dry weather before what looks like a few weeks of rain. Always frustrating when the first flush of spring is masked by squall after squall.
I did get out for a walk with Mrs. Sherlock today and her friend’s dog Will. The dog has been spending enough time with her that he is bonding with her and wants to know where she is at all times. He does go home to his disabled person every night. He is good dog, but no Frieda.
She picked me up at the gym and we went for an easy flat walk. I thought because of her heart situation, and it is true that she is getting shocked again next Tuesday to bring things back into a regular rhythm.
But then she told me that she has been diagnosed with lung cancer. She was before, two years ago, 18 months ago, something like that. Before the move, before Mr. Sherlock got so sick.
Then they told her no, it was a misreading of a scan, the anomalies. Then in the middle of the move and everything they told her she had breast cancer and she went ahead and had a lumpectomy. She and her doctors decided that no other treatment was necessary at that time. Then she goes back for her annual follow up exam and boom, she has a tumor in her left lung big enough that they don’t need to biopsy, they just need to go in and take it out.
She sees the surgeon week after next.
She doesn’t want anyone to make a big deal out of this, and she is pretty clear eyed about what is going on. It was so great to spend time with her, and she told me as she was dropping me off how much she enjoys our walks and talks. She has lots of friends but there is something about old friends like we are and the ease we have with each other.
The Paperbush shrubs are flowering and there were at least three in the neighborhood we were walking in and they are wonderfully fragrant in a straightforward way, not too sweet or slightly off, just full-on spring in a whiff.
I was thinking, I am going to remember this. Being with her today out and about.
It was a full week. I have back-to-back meetings tomorrow. We are developing next year’s budget. I am so ready to step away but there are still hoops to hop over. I am adding value to the process, but it is not particularly enjoyable.
Our zoo has so many requests for folks to volunteer that one has to fill out an application and then there is a lottery, and you need to go through extensive training. One of my recently retired students got picked. He will have a four-hour shift every week. He is also volunteering in the new cancer wing of the hospital I used to work at. He is a friendly warm person, and I think perfectly suited for this. Again, a four-hour shift.
That is so smart. Discreet chunks of time in well established and resourced organizations. Unlike what I am experiencing. The relentlessness of it all. His partner is going through something similar to what I am encountering at the Unitarian church I used to go to and teach at.
I did read a bunch of my poems to the guys on Thursday in person.
I felt unexpectedly vulnerable and I am trying to figure out why. Grief has its own timeline and ways of sneaking up on one and I was talking about the work Mr. Finch and I did together. Clearly, I have some internal readjusting to do there.
This may have something to do with a part of why I am procrastinating on my manuscript.
And there is this weird thing going on about expressing opinions. I am beginning to do that as well. Finding a way to do it that is useful or illuminating in some way is the ticket. It is all part of this weird new vulnerability.
Who knows? And just in case you might wonder about me not mentioning the insanity going on out there in the world, not to worry, I am paying attention, but it seems like everybody else is talking about it plenty.
No need to add to the mix.
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