It Was a Beautiful Time Sunday, August 28, 2005
After the tour of the apartment he asked me if I was hungry. One of the greatest things about C is that he is always thinking about me and he always asked what I need or would like. We chatted about dinner and decided to order pizza. We picked out a movie, ate our pizza, and he drank a beer and I drank a Strawberry Cooler. Then we dimmed the lights, cuddled under a blanket, and watched a movie.
When the movie ended the cuddling ended up the same way cuddling always ends. You all know what I am talking about. The sudden desire to move to the bedroom. The problem with this was, this was completely freaking me out. I wanted to stop, but at the same time I didn't. I wanted to know that I was doing the right thing even though I wasn't so sure. This was our third meeting. We hadn't even kissed yet. (until this very moment) It's not like I was totaly surprised that this was happening. I was just hoping it wouldn't. I was really hoping that he wouldn't try anything just so I could be sure that this is not just what he really wanted all along. I was scared. I was confused. I was still kissing him as we walked to the bedroom. I couldn't help but wonder what the Hell I was doing. My thoughts: Is this all he wants? Will this end up to the last time we see each other? Is he going to think less of me if I follow through with this? Is he going to think I am just a lousy tease if I don't? Do guys expect girls to put out by the third date? Is he hoping I tell him no so that he sees I am wise enough to know not to do this? Is this a test? If I turn him down now, will the rest of the night just be awkward? Oh my god, this is the first time I have had sex while not drunk in over a year! I can't do this... I can't do this... I can't ... oooh ... ok .... that was nice... ohhh ok... Out go the light, off go the clothes... you know the rest of the story.
After that episode, he turned back on one of the bedroom lights, grabbed a book, and pulled me close to him. I layed my head on he shoulder and looked up at him. And just like in the movies, C began to read poetry to me. My heart melted. When he had finished, there was a bit of silence. He kissed my forehead and it was then I noticed my hand was gripping tightly around his arm. It was as though my unconscious self was trying to hold onto him, as to hold onto the moment forever. Over and over in my head I kept thinking, this is what I have waited 30 years for. This is it. This is finally happening to me. I knew he was out there. I just had no idea how I would ever find him. I can't believe that this man, so kind, so pure, so gentle, and so much like me is lying right next to me doing all the things I have dreamed about for 30 years.
Eventually we fell asleep in each other's arms.
In the morning, we woke up, he went to church, (just as planned) and I got up to take a shower. I took a shower, put my make up on, and then played the piano while he was gone. When he returned we went out for lunch. Then he took me to his favorite coffee shop and he told me his story about how he got to Kalamazoo. The story was exciting and very entertaining and we laughed often. He bought me a lolly pop from the store and he got some candy too. Then we drove around the city and he showed me other things that we had talked about during our IM's and phone calls. He sang a song to me, and NO lie, when he was singing it, a car passed us with the vanity plate ISING4U. I just stared at the plate and said to myself, "It's these things that keep happening that make me know that this is real."
When we arrived back at his apartment, he grabbed a blanket,and a movie and asked me to just relax. I layed down on the couch with him and we watched another movie. Eventually it became late. I told him I should go. He begged me to stay. I declined his invite because I knew I would just want to stay the night again. I am not sure why that is such a bad thing, but I was a little home sick. So we went and he tried one more time to get me stay by offering me dinner. I declined and the night ended.
I drove home and 1.5 hours later, C called to make sure I had made it home safely. He does everything right. I can't believe that this is happening to me. Everything that I have ever wanted in someone was giving to me through C.
I believe in God. I had always thought that praying for God to bring someone to me was a selfish thing to pray for. However, I was so unhappy and lonely that I finally began to pray to God that I would meet someone. I prayed that prayer 1 month before C entered my life. This fact sometimes makes me cry. Not because I am sad, but because I still have a hard accepting the power of God. He truly listens.
This is really happening to me, isn't it? This is real, right? I still think that maybe this isn't happening. That C really isn't interested in someone like me. I fear that I am getting in to deep. I am falling for this man. I am falling hard. I just really hope that this time, I don't fall because of him. I pray that this is real. It feels so good. I can't imagine what will happen if this falls apart. It has been too good so far. I know I will fall apart if it does, and that scares me. It scares me so much.
Her
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I'm so happy things were so great. I'm extremely happy for you. You deserve to be happy. I'm really happy that you have found someone so wonderful, who TRUELY cares about you. God does listen, I've found that out by praying also. Things didn't work out with me, but I have Blake now. Something and someone I've wanted forever. I have my little man with me, thats all that matters. [One Crazy Mom] [p] 8/28/2005 2:40:15 AM
Wow, sounds like you had an amazing time w/C. He seems perfect for you from what you've mentioned. I am so incredibly happy for you. You are a beautiful person inside and out, and deserve to be treated as well as he treats you. Try not to think so much about all those questions running through the back of your mind, things will work out. [Solitary17] [p] 8/28/2005 4:58:57 AM
:) [JKD Student] 8/28/2005 5:20:10 AM
Wow. I found you at random and this was just the thing I needed to read right now. I need to keep the faith that God is listening, and I need to know that I will meet someone wonderful soon. So thanks for that.
That license plate must have really thrown you for a loop! [papercranegirl]
8/28/2005 8:06:16 AM
Oh my gosh...you had an awesome time with him. He seems for real. When you mentioned praying and that God answers prayers, I believe that it can happen ...you just have to whole=heartedly believe first. see my entry on Spiritual Journey. I cried when you mentioned prayer and God answering them. God listens to us. I hope and pray he listens to me. I hope C is the one for you!!! [lostonthesea] 8/28/2005 10:44:58 PM
aww that's absolutely wonderful. [Hawk.]
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