Messy Minds Think Alike Tuesday, August 16, 2005
I am scared. I am scared because I am mentally screwed up in the head and need serious psychiatric help. So I have met a guy. I wrote about him in my last entry. His name is C. The date went well. It was fun. I had a great time. He e mails me every day. He chats with me almost every night. I really like this guy and he seems to really dig me. So things are great right?
No, not in my mind. I instantly think there must be something wrong with him. I can't imagine that he likes me for who I am. My mind can not grasp the concept that I am good enough for him. I can't get past the idea that he is a dentist, owns a brand new Mercedes Benz, and is still taking classes to further his education. What is an attractive guy like that, doing being interested in ME? It doesn't make sense to me. I can't relax. I can't just relax and enjoy this. I am constantly thinking that he must be seeing lots of girls, and has no intention of being with me other than to try to have sex with me. (He hasn't even brought that up) I just can't get past the feeling that this can't be happening to me. It's too good. I don't deserve this good of a guy. I deserve a guy that has no job, no money, no car but is really a nice guy. That's what I am used to. That's what I am bound to end up with, right? I am supposed to be waiting around for a guy like Keith or just casually dating (AKA finicially supporting) Lansing's finest losers.
My mind is complete and utter mess. I want so much to believe that maybe... just maybe this time I might have a chance with a man that is honest, loyal, and good. However, my mind won't allow that. Not at all. All the lying, cheating, backstabbing that I have gone through in the last few years it seems like Keith, Kumbi, and Ken are still winning.
OH my God, I just realized. Everyone I have dated starts or ends with a "C" or a "K" Eric, Marc, Zak, Chris, Keith, Ken, and Kumbi.... and now... C. oh God. This can't be good.
Oh well, maybe Andrew's date will be better on Thursday. No c's or K's. I just really like C. That's probably a bad sign. I can't trust my own instincts with men.
Goodnight All.
Leave a Note
Random Noter: You are worth everything great that happens to you. There are honest great guys out there and you may have been one of the lucky few to find one of them. Hope everything works out! [purelymesa] 8/16/2005 1:43:28 AM
Now why on earth would he not like you for who you are? You're nice, you're funny, you're intelligent and you're very pretty. Don't worry about what's wrong w/ him or why he's even with you. Just have fun with him and enjoy your time together.
haha at the "C" and "K" thing. That's really kinda creepy. [Hawk.] 8/
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