I have a t-shirt that says, “I speak fluent movie quotes”. I lead with that sentence whenever I see a dating profile that specifically lists “I’m a cinephile and I love movies!” To no surprise, that “opening statement” has never developed into a conversation or match. But it is an interesting thing that connects to my time in the theater. Because I don’t just “remember the words of a line”… I remember how it was said. I may not always be able to perfectly reproduce the performance but when I’m quoting a movie, it is rarely “I am sharing this line” and is most often “I am sharing this performance.” NOW- there’s nothing terribly unique about that approach. Ask anyone who was a little boy when Ace Ventura came out! They weren’t just sharing the line “I am Heinz Getwellvet” they were doing the performance. And if you don’t know what scene I am referencing than you have my pity… apparently the movie I grew up with was not the Officially Released Version because everything I’ve ever found post 2000 calls the scene “a deleted scene” (shared below). But… it is common to share performance instead of simply blank recitation of line. But I think this is where a special thing I’ve written about before comes in. Especially last summer, doing Much Ado About Nothing.... having a show transform from what you’ve seen to what you’re doing is… special. I will never forget Emma Thompson’s wonderful performance of Beatrice… but now in my memory, it’s multiple choice. The scene is either “Beatrice at the church- Emma” or “Beatrice amongst the trellises- Emily.” If I were to quote the show, my quote would be influenced by both performances. The passionate roar of Emma when saying “eat his heart in the marketplace” but the stinging personal bite of Emily when saying “Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony, a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant, surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake!” And thinking of that… replaying that in my head… it fills my heart with joy. I do love what I do in the realm of performance and acting. It is… such a joyful experience to be able to act and play and perform! Even now. I may not be a brave singer and I may not be blessed with the looks or talent to be a true leading man… but I would smile with honor merely to be a Character Actor forever. Especially looking at what has become of my life at present? I think I ruefully regret not being more diligent in trying to make acting my profession. And yet- I am also keenly aware that any talent I have cultivated to this point came from the choices that led me away from theater. The 20 year old who hadn’t/wouldn’t drink… hadn’t/wouldn’t make love… who had grown up with some significant hurdles but had never truly known or experienced the true diversity of life.... it is no insult to say he could not perform to the caliber I now consider my standard. And that… that connects most deeply to a truth I hold near my heart. I sincerely fear that I have always been a “late bloomer” and it has and will continue to negatively dictate my life.
And that meandering yarn of random shit and introspection is an excellent, and perhaps frightening look into how my mind works. Because all of that was inspired by the word TAPESTRIES jumping into my head, but in Harrison Ford’s voice with a terrible Scottish Accent. And the fact that I heard the word in that voice… inspired everything you read above! Truly… that kind of thing makes me think “Whatever I have… whatever I am.... I’m sure there’s a diagnosis somebody missed in Childhood that explains it!”
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