1.New Year’s resolutions: aim low and over-deliver. For example, everyone says they’re giving up choccie or fags then tries, fails and looks silly. So declare that you will be giving up prunes, semolina pudding or some other vice and your friends will be proud of you when you succeed. Of course, this necessitates eating buckets of the stuff for a couple of weeks preceding your public denouncement of their evil grip, but there you go.
2.Much as it pains the Mole to say it, Manchester United will win the Premiership again (probably by March), so save yourself the bother of hoping that Arsenal or Liverpool “might just beat them to it”.
3.If you are completing your final year at uni or college, it may well be worth your while seeking the advice of your university’s careers service before finals arrive. The queues as hundreds of students panic a week before they leave uni are horrendous.
4.Want to know how to earn megabucks megafast? So do we
5.The price of petrol will go up (again): the Chancellor will blame the oil companies and they will blame him. Either way it will be us poor beggars who lose out. Prepare by panic buying and stockpiling, just to see the look on his face.
6.Save yourself over 4 hours of wasted time this year by not watching It’ll Be Alright on the Nights 34 – 37 with the hugely unfunny Dennis Norden.
7.Look out for the appearance of the latest toy craze – Pokémole. “Gotta catch a mole.” Cartoons, films, toys, stickers, merchandise and other overhyped paraphernalia will be on sale at the usual exorbitant prices.
8.An unused diary from years gone by – say 1987 – makes for a very handy 2001 diary. Simply cross out the dates on each page and write the correct day and date underneath. Hey presto! A brand new diary – and you’ll have saved yourself having to firght through the crowds in town.
9.With the absence of a major international sporting tournament this summer, it would serve you well to use the time you would normally spend in front of the TV in the corresponding weeks getting off your arse and doing something less boring instead.
10.Vote Red Mole in the General Election. (You think we’re kidding )
This (and the next entry) courtesy of redmole.com
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