Dear God,
Thank You for letting me pass my fourth exam. I got five wrong—same as my roommate. Alex didn’t study at all, and I studied until 2 a.m. I studied this hard because Shervy reminded me that if I really wanted this, my effort would show in my grade. He didn’t say it exactly like that, but I’ve known him long enough to understand what he meant.
I studied so hard. Around 1:30 a.m., I texted two colleagues who were still awake and studying too—Amarya, the girl I met at the airport, and Jillian, our Samantha Jones of our clique. Jillian is not promiscuous, but she is definitely lively.
I keep searching for a best friend in them. In Alex too. I wish she could be that person. It sounds kind of sad how desperately I’m looking for a best friend. My mom can’t be my best friend—she has plenty of friends her own age or older and would rather talk to them on the phone than me. My sister and I barely talk, and even now it feels nearly impossible to build a relationship with her. She’s in Mexico with her husband and close friends(some who are younger than me), renting a mansion for her birthday. She probably has a beautiful life that I know nothing about. It wasn’t until about a year ago that she wanted to get to know me, and now it just feels awkward… so what’s the point?
There was a girl in our class named Elena—beautiful young woman, with a one-year-old baby at home. She wanted this job so badly. I think the language barrier held her back, even though she was very smart. English wasn’t her first language. She was also sick from the moment she arrived, and slowly everyone else started getting sick too. It didn’t help that the room we study in is freezing—at least 55 degrees.
It’s funny how You work, God. You made sure I didn’t party in Miami—it’s too cold. Most of my colleagues are downstairs right now at the hotel bar, drinking and singing karaoke. I made a quick appearance and then left. Jillian is down there; she’s such the life of the party, and I adore that about her. I can picture her always ready to go, always having a good time.
I often fantasize about who I can share the good life with—someone who will want to help me grow in my career using the tools she already has. Even Alex would be amazing. She’s so sweet. I know You placed her in my life as my roommate. I love her so much.
She definitely knows a lot about me… or maybe she doesn’t. I don’t know—but she loves me, and I feel that. She already has so many best friends. I met one of them via FaceTime- who’s in school to work security for government officials.
I’m amazed by the caliber of people You’ve surrounded me with. There’s a guy named John who’s slightly on the spectrum. You know me, God—they’re my favorite kind of people. They wear their hearts on their sleeves. They’re honest. He’s impeccably smart. There’s also a girl from my hometown who still has her accent. Sometimes I wish I could talk to her all day just to get my accent back. I think I’ll make that my mission.
As I sit upstairs writing to You, everyone else is partying. I realize I’m not like them, so I have to work extra hard to succeed in this school. Elena going home really shook me. I was so sad I didn’t get to say goodbye, but I believe part of her is relieved and happy to be back home.
Shervy bought me sushi and shoes today. I used his card to pay for both. I really love him, and I don’t want him out of my life. But I know it’s inevitable—someone will eventually give him the love he wants. I wish I loved him back the same way, but I can’t see myself with anyone. I just wish he could be my best friend again. I know I lost that forever.
Every time we talk now, it’s about him bulking up for me. He tells me about eating rice and chicken and curling dumbbells multiple times a day. “You’re going to see a different me soon,” he promises.
I’m grateful our conversations have shifted from crypto to his looks. I like when he talks about his appearance. I want him to feel confident and strong. As for me, I need to work out too.
My life right now is consumed with studying and exams. Tomorrow, we’re being introduced to the pilots—the people responsible for the lives of every soul onboard. I’m excited to see the woman pilot again. When I made a brief appearance in the bar to see my colleagues, I sat next to her and drank tea while listening to two men play guitar and violin.
Life has been so interesting lately. Honestly, my entire life has felt like a rollercoaster since birth. Amarya just sent me a photo of her at a fancy restaurant with two friends. They look like they’re having such a great time. And you know what’s funny? I feel happy. I’m glad everyone is enjoying themselves. I’m content with my night. I finished some of my homework, and I’m talking to You—the best company there is.
Maybe that’s why I love being alone so much. I feel relaxed. I don’t feel lonely. And when I do, You always surround me with wonderful people. I guess You’re my best friend. They say You’re just like us.
I get jealous when my friends have other friends. Maybe You can be my best friend until I meet someone—or maybe I’ll always confide in You only. I’m okay with that, God.
Thank You for helping me pass my exams. Thank You for my wonderful instructors—they are so kind. Thank You for my dad, who roots for me endlessly, and my mom, who has always cared for me. Thank You for my hotel room—it’s small, but cozy, and I love it. Thank You for my amazing roommate. Thank You for helping me find shoes for school. Thank You for the new song idea I plan to finish soon.
Help me stop complaining. Help me overcome my addiction for good. Heal the darkness under my lip from stress and biting. Heal me from the inside out. Help me take care of my parents. Help me graduate and do exceptionally well.
I pray for everyone reading this—that they always have direction in their lives. Guide our steps. Give us discernment to hear Your voice. Let joy and peace follow us wherever we go.
Please watch over my family, my loved ones, and me. Give me beauty for ashes. Thank You for what You are about to do in my life….
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
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