11:27 am
2/3/26
I’m not looking forward to working tomorrow. The other team lead is being petty. My first day off I woke up to a text from her and my store lead. She wanted to know what was up with some Frito Lay bags that showed up in our credits bin. I replied back saying I just woke up, I did quality control several times during my rotation, so they’re probably that.
She said that they weren’t there when she left LAST Thursday. It’s been A WEEK!!! ONE FUCKING WEEK! In that time shit will get pulled out and credits too. I left with no residual freight. I like how she left me two pallets because she didn’t know what to do with them. She did, because when they close the trailers and shit hasn’t been received, it shows up as a shortage and overage on another trailer. It only does that when you manually receive it AFTER, AFTER the trailer has been closed. So it’s business as usual.
My new coach wants to hire more people to come in earlier but in going to ask if I can. Let me do three long days with four days off.
Between that and the dude who cries when people look at him, the pervert who makes inappropriate comments to 26 year olds at work, I’m all, I’m surrounded by incompetent people. Oh, and pervs.
Hopefully it’s all sorted out when I get there tomorrow.
But now I feel like shit. A week or so ago I made a new friend on Fallout and I started talking about Mariana. It has been three years going on four and I still miss her.
It’s like, talking about her makes my heart race. It could also be the caffeine.
Like, when I’m sad or I want to disassociate myself from the world (especially when I’m at work) I’ll play songs that I played when I loved her. I mean, I still do but you know what I mean. I feel like I can feel or that a small part of me is alive when I go there, not just on auto pilot.
No one wants to hear this or that a guy is down, but I’ll never get another girl like her. Out of everyone that has ever liked me, involved with, whatever; she was my top.
She has resting bitch face but, when she smiles ...
I know, I know, it's dumb, but we all have that ONE person. And maybe some don't because they found someone, but damn did I fucking love her.
I look at her photo and I feel... happy, and sad.
It hurts and I like it, but at the same time I know it was a bad situation.
When my associates scare me, I'm usually deep in thought about her. Playing a sad love song and daydreaming about her.
Except for when I walk in and I don't have my headphones on. The NPC shit I hear people saying makes my brain cells die.
Or I self sabotage my own relationship because I'm still not over her. That doesn't include people you have sex with because, it's just fun. It's all fun until you catch some feelings, or a pregnancy scare.
That photo was the night I knew she was going to die. It was the 7th or early on the 8th as I waited for the vet to open up.
Bella being put down December the 8th
And that was before I had them put her down. I miss her. She was a beautiful cat. I keep her little fish in my backpack. That way when I need a water flavor packet, I see her little fish and smile. I need to wash her little blanket. Actually I need to do a lot of laundry.
I need to clean up this dump.
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