He Never Quits: A Conversation [Friends Only Entry] Tuesday, May 24, 2005
This is a conversation between Keith and I from Yahoo messenger. Yes, I do block his names, but he always seems to just make another one and come back. Little bit stalkerish, eh? Him: hey Me: Hello? Him: how are you doing Me: I am good. Him: that’s nice to hear Me: Yep. Him: so what’s new Me: nothing Me: anything you want to say? Him: like what Me: I don’t know. Him: I don’t know either Me: then neither do I Him: so how is the cat Me: if you have nothing to say to me.. then I have nothing to say to you Him: I am saying stuff to you aren’t I Me: in particular Him: ?? Me: stan ross Me: does that name ring a bell Him: yes it does Me: and what does it mean to you? Him: I know a guy called stanross Me: don't play games with me Me: I am so fuckin sick of games Me: just fucking be honest Him: temper temper Me: Well? What do you expect? Me: One lie after another after another after another Me: Don't you think I would tire of it after awhile? Him: everything I said was true Him: like Shakespear said Him: what is in a name Me: going around the truth is NOT being truthful. Him: that which we call a rose would still smell as sweet by any other name Me: it's being untruthful Me: I asked you right out if you were Keith Me: and you said, "??" Him: the important stuff was true Me: no Him: names mean nothing Me: the important this is, If I ask a question... you answer it truthfully... with out that ... we have nothing. Him: to be honest I just don’t want the things I say to you to be repeated to other people Me: then maybe you shouldn't be saying anything to me Me: if you can't speak with freedom, then we shouldn't speak. Him: if you really feel like that then that’s cool Him: but I have never told anyone anything you told me no matter what the circumstances Me: that is your choice Me: I just don't understand what the point of all this is? Me: why is it worth risking your relationship? Him: we were friends before all of this ever happened Me: yes. and then you lead me on.. slept with me.. and left me (with out saying goodbye) for another woman whom you got pregnant. Me: and I remember that everyday of my life. Me: thanks for the memories Him: what do you want me to say that I haven’t said already Me: I begged you to be honest. That’s' all I ever wanted. Me: I didn't want to be your little secret. Me: I begged for those two things Me: and you couldn’t give them and still can't. Him: like I said before I got caught up I messed up, I cant change the past Him: what 2 things Me: 1. I want you to be honest to me. Me: 2. I don't want to be your little secret friend. Me: I deserve honesty. Me: I am tired of being the little bitch that just there to be fucked. Him: and I want to be honest Him: but certain people are still not comfortable with me talking to you, considering our past Me: Well... then you let go of those certain people.. or you let go of me. Me: your choice. Me: I don't know why this is so hard for you... It's not like you ever cared about me or loved me or anything. Him: you know I did Me: I am the one that should be having a hard time. Me: I am the one that loved you. Me: I know you didn’t. Me: NO ONE would leave someone they love with out saying goodbye Him: unless I thought that that is what they wanted Me: you thought I wanted you to leave me with out saying goodbye so you could go be with someone else and start a family... leaving me behind? Me: if that is the case.. you didn't know me at all. Him: I thought that you didn’t want anything to do with me Him: so for a while I tried Him: but I couldn’t Him: and I still cant Me: why, Keith... why? Me: Tell me and try to be honest Him: to be honest I don’t know Him: I just cant see us not being friends Him: we have a connection of some sort Me: We had a connection. Him: I don’t know Him: I still feel it Me: I thought we had it the first day we danced. Him: to me we will always be friends Me: but my God.. all I can think about is how wrong I was. Me: how our whole relationship was one big fucked up lie after another. Him: I thought we had it the first time we really talked on the phone Him: that was only after it got complicated Him: before that it was pure Me: yeah and now what is it? Me: That's a hard question, isn't it? Him: now it still is complicated but not on my part anymore Me: what do you mean? you can't even talk to me with out having to hide our conversations? Me: how is that not complicated? Him: I want to be able to talk to you without anyone getting hurt Him: maybe I want the best of both worlds Me: yeah Me: you always have. Him: but now I have changed Me: No, you haven’t. You still want both worlds. Him: having a baby makes you think differently Me: I wouldn't know. Him: i do Me: My last three b/f left me because they got another girl pregnant. Me: It's funny. Me: The only thing I have ever wanted was a baby with someone that loves me. Him: its hard to abandon a baby Me: I wouldn't ever ask anyone to do that. Me: EVER Him: that’s not what I am saying Him: I guess what I am trying to say is I just want everyone to be happy Him: I know that its my fault I screwed up Me: That's funny... you told me that you just wanted me to be happy... Remember? The night you stayed the night after you came back from Kentucky. Him: and I understand that that comes with its repercussions Me: The first time you came back.. years ago. Me: You said, "I won't let anyone hurt you." Him: and how is that contradicting what I said Me: You hurt me yourself... and you made me very unhappy. Him: I still want you to be happy Him: and I am saying I know that Him: yes I did do those things Him: and you have every right to hate me Him: if you never speak to me then that is something I will have to try and live with Him: no matter how hard it is Him: in life we live with our actions Me: yes we do. Him: so I messed up I know I did Him: but that does not mean I will ever stop trying to talk to you Him: you might refuse Him: you might block my messenger but I will always try Me: well let me break this down for you so you can see this how I am seeing it. Me: I have two choices. 1) Hide our friendship from Tari and talk and get to know you all over again. 2) Or not talk to you so that I don't hurt Tari again. Me: So I can have a secret that could hurt someone really bad.. or not and no one gets hurt except you Me: What do you think I should do? Him: don’t worry about me I will be okay Me: then there is the answer. Him: like I said we all make and live with our decisions Me: Yes, we do. Me: And sometimes, they really really suck... really bad. Him: that’s true Him: but such is life Me: Yes, such is life. Him: so what have you decided? Me: Goodbye, Keith. Him: until next time
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Whackjob. [JKD Student] 5/24/2005 6:22:04 AM
Yeah... guys suck. [Solitary17] [p] 5/24/2005 10:54:28 AM
he sounds like a very insecure man. i'm glad that you told him his options and exactly the way it is without beating around the bush and without being nasty. you're standing your ground, and that's something to be proud of! [mayonessa] 5/28/2005 12:21:18 PM
some guys are just so stupid. [lowerlight]
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