Well… truly and wholeheartedly.... shit!
The job I was going to apply for? Deadline for application was today. And in a perfect example of why I needed to apply for that job… I was too exhausted and too busy to get my shit together enough to apply! FUCK.
I mean, a great example of that? Today’s schedule. I have infinite things to do. I could quite sincerely be at my desk until 10 p.m. tonight. Except for two significant issues.
ISSUE ONE: I need to be in full costume/makeup no later than 5:45 p.m. tonight.
ISSUE TWO: I have a student trainee now on Mondays and Fridays. So, even though I came in early to get a jump start on shit that needs taking care of… for the lion’s share of shit, I need to wait for the trainee. So that my job can take three times as long while I show her how to do it. Despite the fact that she’s only available 1.5 days a week!! That’s.... sufficient assistance for a 2 person job being done by a single soul, right? Bringing on someone that can barely be here and can never be here on the days where my schedule directly conflicts with my jury trials.... why treat this department as worth keeping functioning, right?!
But… yeah! I don’t have time to apply for new job; I don’t have time to respond to Prosebox Notes. I know about 20% of my schedule issues are my fault. If I didn’t have such a desperate psychological need to do theater; I would have at least 28 to 30 hours free per week that I don’t have now. BUT then… there’s a significant argument to be had for “Any job that requires so much of your time that you cannot date, volunteer, or exist outside of your job is unacceptable.” AND I know that there are millions of attorneys who live that lifestyle. It is what the senior partners at my private law firm demanded/expected/desired. ATTORNEY MEANS ALL CONSUMING. But… truly? Deeply? Sincerely? Fuck that forever. The moment this job actually specifically tells me, “You need to be in the office for 70 to 80 hours a week without exception”.... is the moment I walk away, desperately panicking over how to survive. Because while I do have weeks where I am here 70 to 80 hours.... typically 8 to 20 of those are me working late or here on weekends. WHICH, yes is becoming more common, but isn’t technically a demand of my job. Well,,, even that has a caveat. There are many weekends where I am specifically commanded to work. But not every weekend. And many weekends where I am at work because I could not do everything required of me in the time allotted. WHICH provides the argument.... if it isn’t commanded, but is required to get your work done, is that a sufficient enough difference?
BAH!
Outside of the work panic; here’s some theater news-
(1) My notes from last night’s rehearsal? “Nothin. I already pointed out the two areas where timing needs to be tightened up but that’s it for you! OH and last night when I said that everyone was playing tired and pushing outside of reality? I didn’t mean you. I should have specified. You always give what the character needs and you’re very in the moment!” So.... again.... I’m great for what is expected which makes me wonder if I need to go or do something where more is expected.
(2) The other theater got a hold of me and specifically rearranged some schedules to make sure I could come in and do the Singing Callback. I can just about guarantee what the singing callback will be. If I could bet on a spread, I would say that I would be asked to sing Pirelli or Beadle. If I had to bet on one, I would say probably singing for Pirelli. I think the Director really thinks I would be good for the acting required… the boisterous look at me show man that shifts into the underhanded extortionist who must then do the first believable death scene. I think the director knows I can deliver that. BUT… and I don’t blame the lad at all for this… it would not be surprising if the music director was suspicious to defiant that I could do the song! He’s worked with me before. He knows where I am in my confidence and ability. BUT, we’ll wait and see.
That means my schedule has/will/does look like
MONDAY
WORK: 7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
FOOD: 5p.m. to 5:30 p.m.
THE COTTAGE: 5:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.
HOUSE CLEAN: 9 p.m. to 11 p.m.
DOG EXERCISE: 11 p.m. to Midnight
TUESDAY
WORK: 7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
CALLBACK: 5p.m. to 5:30 p.m.
THE COTTAGE: 5:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.
DISHES/Pro-CLEANER PREP: 9 p.m. to 11 p.m.
DOG EXERCISE: 11 p.m. to Midnight
WEDNESDAY
WORK: 7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
FOOD: 5p.m. to 5:30 p.m.
THE COTTAGE: 5:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.
LAUNDRY: 9 p.m. to Midnight (or later)
THURSDAY
WORK: 7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
FOOD: 5p.m. to 5:30 p.m.
THE COTTAGE WITH AUDIENCE: 5:30 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.
DOG EXERCISE: 10 p.m. to 11:30 p.m.
FRIDAY
WORK: 7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
FOOD: 5p.m. to 5:30 p.m.
THE COTTAGE OPENING NIGHT: 5:30 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.
OPENING NIGHT PARTY: 10 p.m. to 11:30 p.m.
SATURDAY
DOG EXERCISE: 9 a.m. to 11 a.m.
LUNCH: 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.
JURY TRIAL PREP: 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.
FOOD & REVIEW: 3 p.m. to 5 p.m.
THE COTTAGE: 5 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.
SUNDAY
DOG EXERCISE: 9 a.m. to 11 a.m.
LUNCH: 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.
THE COTTAGE: 12:30 p.m. to 5 p.m.
OFFICE for final work: 5 p.m. to 8 p.m.
AND/OR at some point I need to contemplate things like.... looking for recipes and going grocery shopping and cooking food. To name a few “small” things (of many many) that I need to find room for!!
Unfortunately, though I haven’t written about it, I am not blind nor unaffected by the current nightmare to my immediate North. I am happy to say that myself and my brother are in agreement that the ICE situation in Minnesota is essentially White Christian Nationalist Proud Boy Authoritarian Porn and that a government that not only allows but encourages it is not one with any moral authority or any respect for the rule of law. That said- Iowa is (right now) debating a bill to force all law enforcement to cooperate, comply, and receive orders from ICE… which.... as Law Enforcement in my own way.... is ridiculous insane bullshit. And ANY individual that claims to respect STATE’S RIGHTS or THE CONSTITUTION cannot honestly support that bill. ICE is not a law enforcement agency. ICE is not a part of the military. The Federal Government has no jurisdiction to force State, County, or City law enforcement to comply with ICE. ICE has no legal jurisdiction to do so. BUT in Minnesota, there have been a number of stories of Police attempting to answer calls… and ICE interfering.... of Police attempting to keep the peace, and ICE pulling their sidearms and pointing them AT THE POLICE because, remember, this is not about LAW ENFORCEMENT and it isn’t even about BORDER CONTROL- this is entirely about “YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO INTERFERE WITH TRUMP’S PERSONAL SS”. When ICE is dictating whether police are permitted to investigate or keep the peace?? ICE is proving they are uncontrolled, untrained, and unrestrained. And any reasonable government would immediately retrieve them and reassess why they’ve permitted this force of untrained cosplay-triots that were the same violent menace that stormed courthouses during COVID and the Capitol on January 6th. But we no longer have a reasonable government. I doubt you could even call it a functioning government, which is, of course, exactly how an authoritarian self-obsessed dementia-riddled white nationalist dictator wants a democracy. A functioning government might have the power to prevent him from achieving his Emperor-in-Act-if-not-Title wetdream. And Iowa, as a massively “proud” MAGA hyper-state wants to make sure that… we’re “STATE’S RIGHTS, FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CAN’T TELL US WHAT TO DO” when it is a Democrat in office; but we’re certainly “FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTROLS EVERYTHING, WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO OBJECT” when it is Trump in office. Sick. Stupid. Evil. So.... I am aware. I have opinions. I just.... haven’t been writing about it much because, the sad but honest truth..... “At the end of the world, I was surprised there were still bills to pay and mouths to feed.” Surviving and getting to tomorrow has taken quite a lot of attention lately on its own.
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