Dear God,
My pops just texted me, “Do all you can, and the rest is in God’s hands.” Because of that, I canceled my vlog shoot. I need to study as much as possible. I need to pass this flight attendant school so I can have the money to support my career. Of course, I wish I didn’t have to work so much and could focus solely on what I love—but I don’t know what Your plan is for me.
All I can do is give my all, just like my dad said. So my “all” today looks like preparing for my headshots tomorrow and studying today. I feel frustrated. I wish things could be easier. Please help take this negative feeling away. I know many people would be grateful for the opportunity to make more money, and I don’t want to lose sight of that.
I couldn’t sleep again. It’s been a long time since I’ve had proper rest. I think it’s because I absolutely hate wasting time. The past four days feel like a complete waste because I spent them packing for things I didn’t even need. I also smoked a lot, and I know that didn’t help.
Today is the beginning of my second day without smoking. I said I would quit when I touched down in LA—and I did. Now I want it to last a lifetime, but I’m scared I may fail. I want to do what is pleasing to You. I believe moderation can be okay, but I tend to abuse things and turn them into daily habits. I need to keep certain things limited to true “free time” or special occasions. I don’t care if I’m 41 and still smoking—I only care if it displeases You. And deep down, I feel like it does.
Shervy got me Starbucks this morning, and he’s getting me index cards to study with and food to eat. He’s such a good man. Please help us, God. I want him in my life forever, and I also want him to feel fulfilled. I trust that You will protect our relationship.
I’m in bed—where I plan to stay. I’m going to study, study, study all day. And honestly, God, that makes me feel good. It calms my anxiety knowing that I’m truly doing all that I can.
I almost canceled my flight to Vegas, but then I remembered that I only live once. I don’t want to regret missing this seminar. It’s about making more money, yes, but it’s deeper than that—and that’s why I’m going. I pray I don’t miss my flight back home. I’ve never slept in an airport before, so I plan to rest all day Thursday and prepare myself for a long weekend. I’ll keep studying every day until I know my workbook front and back.
There are so many abbreviations in the workbook—Zulu time, airport terminals, and so much more. Maybe this job will teach me how to travel the world.
I feel really down, and I don’t want to feel this way. Everything feels like a distraction or a wall standing between me and what I truly want to do. Help me stay grateful. Please forgive me for feeling this way.
I pray for the healing of my parents. I pray that I sleep well. I pray that I won’t gain weight before my shoot. I pray that I look my best. I pray that my headshots turn out beautifully on Wednesday. I pray that everything works out.
I pray for a peace that surpasses all understanding. Thank You for giving me the strength to stop smoking yesterday. I already feel like my appearance has improved—it’s amazing how quickly my glow comes back when I stop.
Most of all, I pray that I learn how to prioritize my time wisely and take healthy breaks instead of turning to smoking.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
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