I’m not even sure which way to go tonight. So many thoughts and so much overthinking. My mind makes me crazy sometimes.
Nick’s seemed too busy to talk the last couple days. Basically since I left Sunday afternoon. I know he’s busy with his girls but I also know that it takes seconds to send a simple text or a minute to call and just say hi. I’m not asking for a ton but I do want at least a little effort. Like today he called once for like 20 minutes. Nothing else really. A good morning or an I’m thinking of you would be appreciated. I guess it just really sucks to go from nonstop contact for 2 weeks to nothingness.
I’m trying not to overthink it. I get in my head and start wondering if he’s mad at me, done with me, over it. If I did something wrong or overstayed my welcome. I keep telling myself he’s just busy and doesn’t handle stress well. Yet, I can’t help but let my brain slip into the worst case scenario thoughts. It’s frustrating.
Then I try to reframe it. If any of that is true I don’t want him anyways. I tell myself I deserve to be with someone that chooses me and if he doesn’t want that it’s his loss. I tell myself it’ll be okay and it’s fine. It’s not fine though and I do want him badly. Hopefully the upcoming days get better.
I’m a little more ready for the baby every day. She’s going to be a good distraction from my life and will keep me busier and motivate me. I also won’t feel so damn alone if I have someone to take care of and shower with love. I’m helping her but she’s probably helping my soul just as much.
All the clothes I’ve ordered have arrived. It’s absolutely crazy. Her closet is full and so is the dresser. I have all the clothes I need for 0-6 months. Next up will be stocking up on the 9 months clothes. She’s also got 6 cases of diapers, 2 cases of wipes and a ton of stuff.
I’ve got two big Amazon orders coming this week of random baby stuff I felt I had to have. I’ll have bottles. More burp rags and swaddles. Sound machine. Baby humidifier. Health related stuff. Bath stuff, etc. She’s going to have more than she needs for sure. There still some stuff I want on Amazon but nothing that I need. So I’m just waiting until I have some more money to buy them.
Literally the only thing I need for this baby is a can of formula. Other than that I’m set. It’s crazy to think about and I am so excited for it all.
I can’t wait for her. 7 more weeks at the most, but more than likely 6 weeks. Soon. So very soon.
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