Dear God,
Firecrackers can be heard and seen in my neighborhood—another reason I love where I live. Everyone in this complex lives with very little, yet you can feel how full of love it is. The firecrackers were beautiful to watch, and I cried at the thought of Baby Jesus being born. My very first thought was that people are happy because it’s Christmas and Jesus is born. I am happy too. I am so very happy that Christ is born—our Savior. The One who died on the cross for our sins. The One who showed us how to love and how to live a life pleasing to You. We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
I admit that some of my tears came from shame. Shame that I don’t know Jesus the way I know my parents or others I’ve known in this lifetime. I long to know Jesus in a tangible way, the way I can touch and see the people I love. But this is where faith comes in—believing without seeing.
My father goes to church nearly twice a week, prays every day and night, and has dedicated his life to You. My mother does the same; they both love the Lord so deeply. I love You, Jesus. I truly do. But I get confused at times.
I pray for all feelings of separation to end. I want to believe fully that You are truly there. I want to feel worthy of Your presence, because it is where I dwell—thinking of You every day, moving with You in mind, making every decision with You at the center.
Today is my sixth day off from work. Yesterday was the first day I truly rested. I only got up briefly to see Annie, give her a present, and then I left. I hope her family received my card as well.
I feel bad that I missed my court date yesterday and that I canceled my insurance before it. I’m upset with myself for my actions. I know I should have done better. I pray that You place Your hands over my situation with my car—I need a new inspection tag, to address two tickets, and to see what can be done. I get so angry when I think about how I failed to attend court.
That anger grows when I look around my apartment. It feels so cramped and small, and I don’t know where to put anything. I truly need more space. I pray for the ability to sort through my belongings and for the help I need to organize my home and my life.
Thank You, Father, for all that You are doing and have already done in my life. Please keep my mind peaceful—free of worry—and help me to trust that You are ultimately in control.
Amen.
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