Dear God,
It’s been four days since I smoked weed, I think. Since Thursday—well, maybe three days. It feels longer somehow. But I’m not craving it at all. In fact, I’m loving the loss of my appetite. I barely ate today: just a few fries, some grapes, maybe one bite of a burger, and a latte. That’s it.
I’m also battling cold symptoms. I got sick from the school, and then right after that I watched Annie, who was still dealing with the flu. I hate being sick. I’m constantly sneezing, coughing, and blowing my nose. It’s miserable.
Scott has been around me a lot, and he often annoys me. I don’t know why I always want him around even though he annoys me, and I don’t know why he always wants to be around me when he knows I’m annoyed. I literally told him to clean my tub and bathroom floor, and he did it. All he asked for was a face mask—and I gave him one.
I truly am grateful that You placed Scott in my life. I’m going to try to treat him better. I’ve noticed he has so much more motivation than he ever had before. He works hard now. Before, he was sleeping on his aunt’s floor for over a year. Now he values himself more and wants to get up and make money. I even got him going to the gym with me.
I’m trying to say this in the most humble way possible, without sounding narcissistic, but I seem to motivate people. Whenever someone spends time with me, they suddenly want to make more money—every single time. Even my wealthy friend became a substitute teacher because of me. Erica started working harder and saving money. And Shervy—I believe I motivated him the most. I truly believe he’s going to be a millionaire one day.
He sent me another article about crypto. He knows I’m tired of hearing about it. He doesn’t respect my boundaries and insists on giving me constant updates. I’ve been hearing about this for years. Right now, he has around $100,000 in U.S. dollars—maybe even $200,000—but he’s waiting for it to rise to a million. Then he wants to give it all to a man he found on YouTube who claims he’ll “keep it safe.” I’ve decided I’m not responding to any more crypto texts. He’ll get the hint. And when we talk, I’ll let him speak, but the moment he starts talking about crypto, I’ll go silent. I’ll keep doing that until he respects my request to stop obsessing over it.
I’m supposed to visit him soon. In the meantime, I’m focusing on myself. Tomorrow I’m going to the gym, then the optometrist, then the recording studio. I’m going to take my vitamins and drink lots and lots of water. I want to be gorgeous when he sees me—not for him, but because I love feeling pretty. I can tell when I’m pretty because people stare just a little longer than normal.
I feel like in just these few days of quitting, my hair is more moisturized and my lips are lighter. My glow is coming next—but I need to eat more greens, salads, and vegetables.
Right now, I’m laying in bed with the sniffles. I took medicine, but it hasn’t kicked in yet. I drank a detox drink, and I know I’ll be up peeing throughout the night.
When I took an at-home drug test, it came back very strongly positive. I was so sad. Three days of pills and detox drinks, and I’m still positive. Sad, but true.
I pray—I pray, I pray, I pray—that I pass my drug test tomorrow. I pray that this weed does not show up in my urine or in my mouth. I pray for a miracle.
I’m going to try not to think about anything. I’m going to try to sleep. I’m going to try not to worry. I’m going to let go and place everything in Your hands. I want my dreams so very badly, Father. I’m praying that everything turns out right for me.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
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