I've had people ask me the difference between ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and swinging.
It's a great question, and I ponder it a lot myself. There are seemingly obvious differences, but the two have more in common than one might think.
When I first got more into swinging, my preconceived notion was that ENM was about community and relationships, and swinging was just about hooking up.
While that is true to a certain extent, in my experience, there are folks from each group who have goals in common with the other.
One of the first swinger couples that N and I met at a party were very much about connections and relationships instead of just fucking. We ended up being friends with them, and we have hooked up outside of parties, so that was a really interesting way to help me rethink why I defined one lifestyle in opposition to the other.
The thing I love about ENM hookups is that there is, in many cases, a mental and emotional connection with people that you fuck, although like swingers, there can also be pickup play at parties.
There have been other "lifestyle" (shorthand for swinger) couples who very much have the "let's meet, fuck, and go our separate ways" vibe, which is fine and not at all wrong. What I like about that type of couple is that there is no bullshit. Either they like you and enjoy your company, or they don't. You always know where you stand with them.
There are also swinger couples who, as stated above, value mental/emotional connection as well as the physical.
The biggest difference that I have seen between the two has nothing to do with sex at all. It has to do with partners. ENM folks can have multiple partners, and swingers are generally a one-partner situation. That said, there can also be some blur in those situations. We know a couple of swinger couples who are also poly.
The end result? Don't break your brain trying to assign labels, kids.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk. 😂
Loading comments...