Morning. I am headed out this morning to the big flea market to see if I can find any treasures. It’s Black Friday. I don’t know if there are big deals at the big flea, but I guess I’ll find out!
Yesterday was rough for my dad, as I knew it would be. But life sure does seem to keep going on around you when something hard happens, doesn’t it?
Normally we do our Thanksgiving feast at mid-day, but my SIL had to work until 5:30 (she works as a Chinese translator), so we ended up doing a later meal. It was quite good: traditional turkey and stuffing, cranberries, mashed potatoes, dinner rolls, and this really great fruit salad my dad made. I brought a pumpkin and an apple pie (and the popcorn treats for snacking).
I overstuffed myself as I seem to be doing lately. I am going to have to go back to the major discipline again soon.
After dinner, I sat with Mom and watched the original Wizard of Oz (how fun!), and she was so pleasant and lovely, and Martini cuddled up right next to her. But when the movie was over, some other Christmas movie came on, and I thought I’d just leave her to watch that while I went to talk to Dad in the other room…but Mom started screaming for someone to turn off the TV!!
It was weird. Like, when she’s done, she’s DONE. And she decided she wanted to go to bed, but someone…anyone needed to turn off the TV NOW!!
We got her fixed up and she trundled off to bed, and I stayed up past my bedtime to talk to Dad. He’s just freaking lonely and keeps telling me that he doesn’t have anyone to talk to. I understand! I told him that he’s been so important to me, and I’ve loved our nightly conversations, and he was glad to hear it, but I know that I don’t do much help in terms of what to do about Mom. I also told him that he’s grieving. Of course he is.
He’s grieving the loss of his brother, and he’s grieving the loss of his partner. Mom simply doesn’t understand anymore. She acts like she does…and she seems like she does. But then you find out later that she really doesn’t have a clue.
So my poor Dad is at a loss.
I told him that he can get help. I suggested a therapist (like I have many times before), which I think is a wild concept to him. He said that maybe he should talk to a neurologist, and I told him that probably won’t do a lot of help regarding coming to terms with what Mom’s going through. I reiterated that a therapist can help him walk through things like what to expect as Mom moves through these phases of dementia.
I walked him through the timeline of Mom’s decline as I saw it. He spent years thinking there was nothing wrong with her, but I had to remind him of things that I could see while I was going through my cancer treatment. I could tell she was declining back then (five years ago). Dad just didn’t want to see it or believe it.
I don’t know if I did much help, but I talked to him until it was time for him to do his Words With Friends that he plays nightly. He plays with an old friend of his. They have TEN games going on simultaneously! It kind of made me laugh. He just stopped paying attention to me. I think (no, I know) there’s some decline happening with him, too.
UGHHH.
My bro, SIL, and niece are a whole other story, but that will likely be for another time. I do feel like my SIL is probably stashing all of her money away so that she can make a break for it when she’s ready and able. I just hope it’s not before Mom and Dad leave this earth, but what can I do?
My bro continues to be weird and anti-social, but he did clean up his bedroom for me so I didn’t have to sleep on the sofa, which was nice of him, for sure.
My niece is taking after my brother. I told my Dad that and he agreed. She watches my bro and does what he does. I hope she doesn’t turn into a little weirdo. And I know, she’s only a kid. But growing up this way is quite different from being in a “traditional” household. Though…what even IS “traditional” anymore?
Okay, I gotta get a move on. It’s a little later than I wanted to start out, and I need to get dressed and do my thing and get out of here. My plan is to shop all morning and then come back here to Mom and Dad’s and have a good/proper leftover turkey meal for lunch and then head back home.
xox,
GS
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