Since 2020 the only people I have dated I wasn’t super attracted to physically (or mentally) so my like for them stayed pretty steady. I feel like it didn’t go over a certain threshold which allowed me to think and feel rationally about them and our relationship.
I think that my lack of complete attraction allowed me to keep a specific distance from them emotionally. That made it easier to not be anxiously attached but instead, simply coexisting.
I’m in a relationship now where it is the opposite. I feel complete attraction to them physically and emotionally, so my feelings for them are amped up a bit and feel more out of control.
I feel disappointed in myself to know that I’m experiencing heavy relationship anxiety when it comes to them.
They have noticed I’m worried about different small things constantly and I feel they tried to nicely inform me it was a little annoying or overbearing for them.
I am trying to occupy my mind and time. Of course, I can rationalize why I shouldn’t feel a certain way but that doesn’t mean I can make my feelings instantly disappear too.
They tell me they value my honesty and to be together they want us to be able to share everything about each other, including feelings. But, I feel like my feelings are so out of my control sometimes I am ashamed to admit them and I feel angry for even feeling them.
Maybe with time my feelings of anxiety and worry will become less.
The past two days I’ve felt pretty worried.
We talk about it and their reaction and communication afterwards makes me more worried.
They tell me don’t worry but then they don’t respond much (busy).
They go to sleep super early (deserved) but when they occasionally wake up and reply it feels like they’re just doing their duty as my partner.
Asleep for almost 12 hours.
:( Stupid brain
stupid feelings
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