Dating Desire in New Beginnings

My practice date was fantastic, and by “fantastic” I mean it would have scored a 6 out of 10 if it had been an actual date. As it was actually a networking interview, it would probably rank at an 8. Yeah, not what other people would score as “fantastic”, but I grade myself on a curve to accommodate my social and romantic ineptitude. I really shouldn’t refer to it as a “practice date” since doing so sounds delusional, but whatever one may call it, I got to spend an hour talking to a pretty woman, so I don’t care what label anyone gives it.

I really need to start dating, and not for the obvious reasons. People will caution that if I don’t get out there, I’ll almost certainly miss out on the wonder of having a romantic partner and die alone. While that’s true, I just need social skills practice. I was able to hold a conversation for the entire hour. Granted, she’s a recruiter, so she likely has an aptitude for connecting with people. Nonetheless, it was easy and casual. We talked about where we went to school, what we did, where we lived, what we were looking for (job wise). Granted, the conversation tended to focus on me since I’m the one she wants to find a job for, but I think I did a good job incorporating her into the conversation, asking about her in a manner appropriate for the “interview”. My biggest flaw is that I was nervous. It’s been so long since I’ve actually been able to enjoy the company of an attractive woman, I felt a bit overwhelmed.

I’m not using hyperbole, either. I’m about to admit something embarrassing, but seeing as how I told that story about losing to a girl in arm wrestling a few entries ago, I don’t have any reason not to share this. I’ve kissed two girls in my life, excluding my mom. The first girl I ever kissed was a young woman named Charlotte, shortly after I started college. That was a drama fest, and she was a man beast for lack of a better, getting guys fixated with her, and then cutting them loose when she found someone else a few weeks later. We went for walks together a few times, and one time during a lull in the conversation, she stopped pulled herself close to, and began to kiss me. After a few seconds, I had to ask her to stop. My body started tremoring and everything I said was a stuttering, stammering mess. Please understand that I was wet behind the ears with no experience receiving physical affection. I suppose I still am. I remember when we started walking again, I must have looked like a baby dear taking its first steps.

I kind of had that feeling yesterday. Just being in her company, having her attention, made my spine get that overwhelmingly tingly sensation. I had to fight to keep my words from turning into a babbling mess. Maybe some would find it endearing, but more likely most women would think I have special needs. That’s what I need to fix. I just need the experience socializing with women, so that I don’t automatically turn into a fool when such a situation arises. I need to start dating just to be functional.