No Metaphors in Book 1

I wrote the the poem below on May 13th of this year. May 13th is a special day for me. I spent the day with B and she had a laugh attack that went on for minutes and minutes and minutes brought on by the fact that she got some fight club quotes wrong 

The exact quotes were: "What happens in fight club, stays in fight club" and "the number one rule of fight club is there is no flight club." None of these are remotely accurate and she was looking for was " The first rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club." To make matters even more humorous, the very day before she reminded me of a conversation we were having about my friend Ed. In the middle of the conversation she blurted it out that he should die... She thought this was hilarious. I, preferring to have my friends alive, did not. 

And so she said "yeah, no but because of the song, you know?" I did not know what fucking song she was talking about. "You know, the Dixie chicks. Goodbye Ed?" I stopped, in utter amazement, and stared at her. "You mean goodbye Earl, maybe!?" There was a long pause before she said another word "oh yeah, goodbye Earl. I guess your friend gets to live." Well he does live and every time she sees him now she has about 5 minutes to get away from him before she uncontrollably bursts into a fit of laughter. 

Then the next day were the fuck ups with fight club, she told one of her good friends about me and I thought this was a big deal, and she proceeded to have a 15-minute laugh attack with me because, well, she doesn't know Fight Club as well as she thought she did. I hadn't laughed that hard for that long in a very long time. 

But along with this funny there were moments of vulnerability. Can't recall now if it was on the 12th or on the 13th that she told me where she's been hurt so much... That when she allows people in it has been horrible for her... So now when she wants to share something with somebody, she can't. She just stops herself... She thinks of the consequences she has already lived through. She told me that she thinks of herself as a puzzle and that each time she gets hurt, the pieces get smaller and smaller. Until she's sitting there with 7 million pieces that she doesn't know how to put back together or know really what to do with at all....And I just found that all too fucking familiar.  

It was on this day that I knew I was in love with her. It was on this day that I knew I would love her for a very long time. It was on this day that I knew, if she had ever asked me, I would go through hell with her... And it was on this day that I wrote the poem down below. 

All of my friends think I’m crazy 
Cuz I can’t keep my mouth shut 
About how you make me feel
And the way that you make me move
Tapping feet that haven't felt like moving in years 
Girl, I'm falling for you like I haven't fallen before

I want to be the last person you think of when you go to sleep  
And the first person you think of when you wake up 
I want to be the one that you call 
In the moments when you're scared  
And the anxiety starts to overwhelm  
Because baby, I'm falling for you faster than I know how to control

I’m losing myself in your
Beautiful energy and I don’t want it to ever stop 
I want to lay there and listen to you talk about everything and nothing

I don't want to hang up with you anymore  
 Because I every time I do my mouth makes a weird, funny noise and I lose all of my breath  
I just want to feel the way your body moves when you laugh  
I just want a spot we call our own that goes along with the song  
I just want to prove to you that everyday tomorrow will come with both of us looking at each other
Holding hands and not caring what the rest of the world thinks it knows 
I just want you to have a presence and I want the people I know to know who you are

Because they deserve to know what I know
Something that should never be kept a secret  
That you’re the best thing to happen to my life in 
I don’t know how long 
That you inspire me to do the things I’ve long been afraid to do 
That all things you think are are weird and fucked up about yourself 
Are all things that I can’t help but love and find beautiful  
And one day I hope you’ll have no doubt,  
That there’ll be no second-guessing 
No confusion

That these words, thoughts, and feelings 
 Are for and about you  
 Forever and always