I was younger - or at least had a younger body- and I entered with some acquaintances a sort of park. It was resigned for young adults. Of which I guess maybe I still am, especially realizing we’re only really adults at 30.
Anywho, I was there and having a blast. It was really sort of a physically challenging place with kind of extreme obstacles. I came back into a common area where people could sit and take a break or get refreshed, and there was a beaming, beautiful, but harried and tired looking mother sitting alone with what looked like 2 young adult disabled men. One was in a chair and one was clearly waiting in anticipation of trying the course. She looked our way (me and acquaintances) and she silently pleaded, I thought, for a little break from watching them both. It seemed that one of my acquaintances knew something about her and started chatting. I smiled at her and said I’d sit with the men, for awhile. Her gratitude was immmense and she disappeared almost immediately I laughed at her over-the-top apologies and thanks, and said “at least he’s cute!”
Another acquaintances took the one who was not in a chair out to the obstacles. I expected to just sit with the other, but quick found out that he could walk if someone lent him a shoulder. And that’s what he intended that I do. So I did, without any resistance. He was very thin and far lighter than I expected.. although I sensed a sinewy type of strength. He was after all, an adult male.
We walked and moved around and even went down into the area the obstacles were. I steered toward the area that there was a soft floor and the climbing challenge was made of those soft blocks. As we slowly made our way down the stairs, his head next to mine and very close as I hugged his ribcage under his shoulder to hold him upright, I distinctly felt him lick my neck.
What is happening right now?
There was a flush of feeling in my body as I reacted, as once heating my skin and reaching up with my other hand to push him away. My body twisted away - but he was not able to support himself and simply collapsed further into my arms.
We were almost at the climbing challenge so I increased my efforts to reach it and be rid of his closeness.
He spoke then, and I was struck by his speech. It didn’t sound like the speech of any other nerve damaged person I’d ever met- it it was slurred and soft around the edges like he was drugged. I looked closer at his face, almost involuntarily. He didn’t have any of the asymmetrical lax muscular dysfunction of nerve damage, either. His face was rather a very odd mixture of soft underdeveloped muscle and hardened, almost frozen in place knots.
I immediately thought he’s been chronically poisoned his whole life.
He said something like “I want you” and, much more clearly, “I’m going to stay with you so you can taken care of me- forever!” The implication was, “you can take care of me instead of my mom.”.
We were at the climbing challenge and I tried to shrug him off but couldn’t. He cling on. “Don’t leave, I want to go with you!”
I just started climbing up the stack myself. He couldn’t keep up- his actions were very uncoordinated. Remindeding me again of someone foundationally intoxicated.
“I cannot do that,” I told him- and it was true. I felt more concern over my own ability to live my life and fulfill my own wants and desires - than any kind of animosity towards the man.
I climbed to the top and didn’t look back. The stack wasn’t terribly stable, and once I moved toward the other side of the top, I felt it start to tip. It was one of those moments one isn’t sure entirely if one is moving, and I had to look down at something stable to see. Yes, the tower was tipping, slowly, then quickly, and the whole thing came down in the direction I was facing. I jumped from the top to the ground. I didn’t go back, but hoped the man was okay.
It was a long time later. Maybe a year, or a little less. I spent the time in a very feminine embodied way- I i observed and felt my own perceptions and reveled more and more in who I am. It was lovely and exhilarating to be in my body and learn to honor my own needs without shame.
And, it was in my body that I first felt his presence. I like a flame, sometimes senses the fluttering of moths in the surrounding dark. However, this presence was not as a moth, merely passing by and hypnotized, but this presence was hardened by determination, a deep knowing, and a purpose. He approached with clear intent… And it didn’t much matter to him what I thought. And I felt a thrill. He took, was clearly in love with my bright feminine expression and being in feeling. He didn’t ask for permission. In the way that I have no shame in pure feeling essence, he had no shame in pure doing and willing.
I opened my eyes - and he is before me. I blink at the sight of him. Is it-? My shock is palpable, for it is the same man. Yet he is standing because me in the image of a perfect physical spcimen at the height of fitness and ability- an Adonis. My thrill feeds into desire and sexual excitement - almost against my will, my body seems to bloom in pleasure and arousal.
“What-?” My mind cannot understand what is happening, but this man seems only to perceive that which I feel in my body.
He approaches and touches me, and it is like a fiery intensity, I gasp .
“I’ve come to be your man,” he said to me. “I was wrong when I asked you to take care of me. But you- your presence saved me.” He relayed how his mother had indeed poisoned him in order to keep him disabled and needing her- she needed control. But that meeting me had suddenly broken some kind of spell- that he instantly knew he need not comply with his mother’s need to control him any longer. That there was no shame in doing what was good for his own soul- and indeed it was good to defend that. “When you said “no” to me for no other reason than for your own good, you saved me.”
~
“why all the sexual stuff?!”
He just looked at me and said , “I can’t help it. You’re sexy as fuck.”
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