I mean, we all knew that, right? But now she’s got the DHS Xitting out posts about “remigration,” and Denizens of the Box of Prose, this is an idea so fucking stupid, I want her to answer the following questions:
1. “Who are you remigrating? Oh, wait, sorry, that’s a trick question: First, you remigrate the brown people. Then all the trans people. Then all the gays and lesbians and bis and other people who don’t want to fuck the Pillsbury Proud Boys and MAGA Barbies. Then the Muslims. Then the Jews. Then the non-Evangelical Christians. Then the people that protest the regime. Then the ones that still do the seed oil thing.”
2. “Where are you remigrating them to? Oh, wait, I know the answer to this one, too: The brown people go wherever your diaper-wearing fuck piece can bribe leaders into accepting them. But you can’t just ‘remigrate’ white people, right? I mean, we are getting some exceptions there; you can’t keep MAGA swallowing your bullshit if you deport them with the brown people, right?”
3. “So, where are you remigrating people to, if they’re not brown? You can’t weasel out of this one, dumb beezie.
“I mean, start with me. That’s easy enough, because I hate this country, everyone leading it, and everyone carrying Trump’s diaper bag. But I’m like most Americans, I have mixed ancestry. So… How are you gonna decide where my happy ass remigrates to? I’m about 40% Italian. My grandfather was born in Calabria. so please, don’t remigrate me there; how could I possibly live in a country with some of the best food in the world? Or the best weather? Or, once you get out of Rome and Milan, a reasonable cost of living? And! I definitely don’t want to go to a country that has easy access to the rest of continental Europe! I’m begging you don’t send me to Italy!
“Or, you know, some of my ancestors were Jews from the shtetl in Ukraine. I mean, if you have to send me to a war-torn country, just to ‘teach me a lesson’ (about what, how much better my life will be once I’m out of this shithole?), I suppose Ukraine is good. I’ll get to fight with an army whose cause I actually believe in, because seriously, fuck Putin.
“Or you could send me to Israel, because we all know that (a) all Jews really consider Israel our home¹, and (b) you’re just corralling us all there because you know Benny is pissing off enough of the world that, at some point, either Russia or North Korea or China or Pakistan is going to nuke it, and because your lord and master, Russell Vought, is an Evangelical whackadoo who believes that once all the Jews are wiped out, ya boi White Walmart Jesus is gonna come down and patriot-hump all of you. Please, don’t send me to Israel, especially since that’s the only place I’d do a mass shooting, on live TV, against the top government officials… Oops, I wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. Moving on!
“Of course, my mother’s people were Protestants from all over the UK, and Polish Catholics. And Pennsylvania Dutch. And maybe, possibly, but probably not, Blackfoot. So… How you gonna decide? The Pennsylvania Dutch were descended from Palatinate Germans, the Rhineland. I assume -though I really have no reason to- that you know where the United Kingdom and Poland are. And did you know that the Blackfoot are a tribe of Native Americans, who were here before literally everyone else? Are we one-dropping Native American ancestry the way we are Jewish or African?
“Make your decision, dumb bitch; my IQ slipped ten points while I was attempting to understand your word vomit, and why anyone listens to Russy the Scrotum.”
Honestly, I just want to see her melt down under a Congressional hearing, the way Karoline Leavitt did. I want to see more clips of all these overgrown, under-intelligent adult toddlers having tantrums. Like I said in my open letter to Chuck Schumer, I want these Nazis rules-lawyered to impotence and even deeper, non-functional mental breakdowns. At this point, it’s the only thing Congress can do, to even partially restore a glimmer of hope in most of the people.
(Also, for everyone reading this who watches My 600-Lb Life, can we agree that if Puppy-Killer Barbie comes for Dr. Now, we ride at dawn, and we ride for blood!? That man is a saint and he should be protected.)
¹NO, WE DO NOT. JEWS ARE NOT A HIVE MIND. MOST OF US DO NOT GIVE A RAT’S ASS ABOUT ISRAEL, AND WE CERTAINLY DO NOT CONSIDER IT OUR “REAL HOME.” I CERTAINLY DON’T. I AM TRYING TO TURN ZIONIST PROPAGANDA INTO A JOKE. IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS SERIOUS, MAYBE EXAMINE YOUR OWN, INTERNALIZED ANTISEMITISM FIRST. (And yes, that does need to be in all caps. There are way too many people -including on this very site- who conflate “Zionism” with “Jewish,” even though Zionism is an Evangelical Christian concept that is deeply, irreparably, and irredeemably, antisemitic, to its core and its creation, and a majority of Jews are not Zionists.)
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