Wedding Blues and Annoying Phones Calls X22 Sunday, January 09, 2005
Tonight my sister, W, was talking to me about her wedding. It made me sad. Mainly because I am so tired of being here. Supressed by all my childish fears. And if you have to leave... it really depresses me. She told me the story about how after 2 years of being broke up her I wish that you would just leave. Cuz your pressence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone. boyfriend he called her and started quoting that bible verse about love not being proud... etc. These wounds won't seem to heal... this pain is just too real. There's just too much that time can not It really makes me sad. It makes me feel that everyone I know has love, except me. I can't help but erase. You used to captivate me by your resinating light. Now I'm bound by the life you left behind. wonder if I am ever going to get a chance at love. I wonder, is it possible for someone to love me? Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me. I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though your still with me, I've been alone all along. As for the phone calls from the psycho bitch, they have started up again. I got literally 22 from her just on Saturday night. I only got about 3 today. I think I am going to have to give in and change my number. I have resumes out so I don't want to. Also, there is a long list of doctors, family members, and important people that I will have to call and give my number to. I have had this number for over 2 years, and I don't want to change it. It feels as though I am giving up and forfitting some sort of game. Kind of like I am letting her win. However, the phone calls didn't stop until 4am last night, when I finally just shut my phone off. It's absolutely crazy that I have to do this because of an adult woman. I could almost understand if she was a child or teenager. But, damn this is a woman that is raising a child. My God I hope that child doesn't grow up like her. So I am also scared if I change my number she will start calling my work number. Maybe not though. She has to pay for those calls. I don't know. You would think after 2 months she'd get bored. However, she's determined to be a complete psychopath. She's well on her way.
I bought the new Evanescence DVD. I bought it because a good friend of mine, Dave, suggested it. I learned that when he suggest something I better get it. I learned the hard way. He suggested a long time ago that I buy the Evanescence CD. (when it first came out) I thought he was crazy. I mean, how would he know what music I would like? Well one day I was sitting in my car waiting for my cousin and her song My Immortal came on. I was so moved by it that I couldn't breathe. From the frist note of the song I knew I had to buy this CD. Then I found out it was the same CD Dave wanted me to buy. I will never disregard what Dave says again. I promise.
OK, I have until April 16th to lose 22 pounds. Is that even possible? Ok, I have to go eat some cereal.
Her
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