10/1/25
Yesterday was the first time I felt pretty sure I did come down with something—that feeling in my head and throat. However, we’re both feeling better today, so that’s a relief. My AHI score was 3.3, which is also good, and my oxygen was 93%. HRV was still low at 15.
I ordered a pair of progressives with clear frames, and realized that with the way my computers are set up and the size of the monitors, I don’t need computer glasses. All I need are reading glasses and progressives. I don’t like having just far-away lenses because when I’m out in public and want to read something, it’s hard to.
It’s a good thing I remembered last night before bed that the hygienist wants me to use the prescription mouthwash for five days.
This is the second day in a row my weight has been back down. Even so, I splurged on a little variety yesterday. That’s probably the hardest thing about dieting, besides the hunger. Not that I’d get any results, but the cravings would really suck. One can only have the same few things over and over for so long.
I decided that 12 Mates were a bit of a crowd, so I cut them in half. Now I have three with black hair and black eyes, one with brown hair and brown eyes, a blue-eyed blonde, and a green-eyed redhead.
Today we might go get that grab bag Circle K has and see what $4.00 can surprise us with.
It’s October, and amazingly, Tinky is still alive even though the tumor is now bigger than a golf ball. She definitely has trouble walking, but she doesn’t appear to be suffering in any way. She’s still eating and still loves coming out of her cage for cuddles.
Yesterday, there was a bunch of annoying banging. At first, I thought it was car doors next door, but Tom said it sounded like it was coming from the back. I watched the camera and never saw anyone in Toni’s driveway. Plus, we also heard the grinding of a huge truck, so they were definitely doing something back there.
It’s a good thing I wasn’t asleep because those are the kinds of bumps and bangs that can jolt me awake. I wonder how many of the bumps and bangs that have woken me up in the past were actually from back there and not in the park. Tom thinks they were getting a big delivery.
Anyway, he’s going to try a supplement called saw palmetto because he thinks his urinary issues are due to an enlarged prostate, which I guess is common, especially in older men.
10/2/25
Tried that app, Too Good to Go. You can get food and drinks that are about to expire in your area at a big discount. Only, what we got from Circle K doesn’t say it’s going to expire anytime soon. For $4, we got a huge sandwich that we split, a huge smoothie, a fruit cup, and one of those Nutri-Grain fruit bars.
It was fun because it’s a surprise. You don’t know what you’re getting until you pick it up after reserving it. Luckily, I like almost everything! However, the sausage sandwich was a bit spicy for both of us.
I got my Mate tasks done, and I’m going to take a spark cut and not watch ads for double sparks because I don’t always get credit. I get some bullshit failure to load message. How much do you want to bet it’s deliberately set up that way?
Anyway, I’m going to be looking for more life-sim games because they’re kind of fun. I just wish Sims weren’t so damn complicated. I want to play something with more levels than I could ever finish in a lifetime, ongoing and never truly done, but without ads thrown in my face every other minute. I want it to be fun, colorful, customizable, and realistic.
Yesterday was an okay day, and I had fairly decent energy until I got on the road and was reminded that I’m not fully recovered yet.
I was disappointed to find my AHI score near 7 last night, despite not having any noticeable stuffiness in my nose or waking up gasping. Whenever I woke up—just because, or to get up to pee—I did notice I felt slightly short of breath, so I must have been struggling somewhat. We bumped the pressure up to 7.4. Strangely enough, even though I had it set to 7, it only ramped to 5.1.
We’re pretty sure the bumps and bangs we heard aren’t just coming from in back, but from dump trucks. I don’t know why, but they dump piles of dirt for future projects in the lot.
10/3/25
Skimmed an article about the latest attack on Jews in the UK. When are the fucking Muslims going to leave them alone?
Tom just left to donate, and I’m tired once again. We raised the pressure half a point, and “chipmunks” woke me up four different times, so I’m kind of tired. Plus, I had a nightmare and a bunch of weird dreams for some reason.
In the nightmare, I lived in some place where part of it had glass walls. I saw a group of maybe half a dozen boys in their late teens to early 20s picking up rocks, and I knew they were going to try to break in by smashing a window, so I was terrified. I ran out of the house and started running. I managed to kick one of the guys chasing me, who went down, but I was still terrified because I was way outnumbered.
Then I had other dreams. In one, I dreamed about Irma, with whom I had a very interesting conversation (which I’ll get into in a minute). In the dream, Irma was still living near us, and I was over at her place. It was funny because she was marveling over my leg hairs being two or three inches long, lol. I ended up falling asleep there, and when I woke up around midnight, I went back to our house. Then I realized I hadn’t brought my phone or some other things back with me, and I was pissed because I knew their door would automatically lock me out. Because I had to sleep most of the day, I knew I couldn’t get my stuff back until later the next afternoon. So I wasn’t too happy with that.
Then I dreamed that I discovered Aly was still alive. She’d never died, and somehow she had enlisted Kim and Molly to keep it a secret. Rather than being happy to see her again, I was furious that she would do that to me—create this fake story, make it look like she was dead, and leave me heartbroken for so long. I approached her, yelling, and I slapped her across the face, but she just sat there smiling as if to say, “Go ahead, do something I can really nail your ass with.” It was not a good dream at all.
Mary, the one I knew from jail, even appeared in a lot of my dreams a while back. She was very skinny in the dream, even though in real life she’s put on some middle-aged weight. She had hair past her ass and looked great. I knew that in comparison, I looked like shit. I told her she looked good, and there was someone else we were talking with, too. I said I’d gained a lot of weight over the years. She emphasized the word yes in response, as if to say, “Yeah, no shit, I can really see it.”
Mary didn’t just look good in the dream but was living quite lavishly—big house, lots of land, fancy stuff. She started looking for the small horse she had, and she found it taking a nap in a very small, shallow pond. She reached down and took its reins to get it to stand up.
My cousin Sharyn was in some dreams too, but I don’t remember the details. I guess I wanted to or was thinking of seeing her as a client, even though I knew it would be unethical because we knew each other.
No funny lump-like feeling in my neck lately, no throat tickle. If it wasn’t a nodule or a cyst that swelled and then shrank, then it’s probably exercise-related. If I can ever get my fucking energy back long enough, I’ll start ramping up the aerobics again and see if that sensation returns.
Downloaded BitLife. It’s okay. Not the most fun game. It’s one of those where you live two or three lives, then you’ve seen what it has to offer, and delete it. In my first life, I lived in some Scandinavian country for 78 years, then died of epilepsy at 48 in Caracas, Venezuela. Now I think I’m in Australia. I’m only about 50, so I haven’t lived that life completely yet.
Irma messaged me yesterday to comment on Toni’s house being up for sale and figuring she’d be moving near family and friends, and that it would probably be good for her since she had a rough life. I replied saying that, yes, she’s going to be moving, and while I know it’s the best thing for her, I’m really worried about who may move in there—just like I was when her place went on the market.
I would love to press Irma for details about what kind of “rough” life Toni had, but at the same time, I don’t want to gossip or go behind anyone’s back. I don’t know how much I can trust Irma, and I wouldn’t want to offend anyone unnecessarily. The honker I don’t care about, but Toni is different.
Speaking of the honker, I didn’t hesitate to let her know I wasn’t looking forward to his return, with the way half the time he makes a racket with his honking, motorcycle, and projects. That’s when she said something very interesting: she thought he would sell his place, but with the market being the way it is now, she guesses not. That’s when it hit me that I wasn’t the only one who suspected and wondered if he was thinking of selling. Somebody must have been talking about it (if not him), and word got back to her.
I got kind of hopeful and excited to hear about this because, especially if we really are going to be here for the rest of our lives, which is looking likely, when you add up the time he’s here, that means we could be neighbors for a total of about 8 years. I definitely don’t want that because this guy is just too noticeable and not like everyone else currently around here. I know something worse could come in there but I don’t like hearing him and I don’t like him. He almost strikes me as the type who would make sure to try to get someone in there who did have a motorcycle just to fuck with me, but I don’t know.
The question is, and again, I can’t ask anybody this but being naturally curious, I wonder: why would he sell? I can’t believe it has anything to do with the new registration rules. He really seems to love Florida. He’s very sociable, has a lot of friends and family, so I can’t believe he would leave Florida altogether. I wonder if it has to do with Colleen, or whoever that is he always hangs out with when he’s here.
It was definitely a very interesting discussion.
At some point later today, I’ll try to go outside and do a Swell because I want to see if it’s easier to see my new phone’s screen outdoors. Maybe I’ll snap a picture of the back of Ray’s place for Irma—he replaced some kind of shed back there—and a picture of the lanai across the street that the honker re-did, assuming she hasn’t seen it.
Anyway, learning what I’ve learned, even if I don’t have all the details, has given me a little hope and will definitely make dealing with his next project a little more bearable, especially knowing that he not only may sell but also isn’t here full-time.
10/5/25
Irma commented about the honker being with a new woman. She noticed the Valentine dance photo, too. Then something hit me. If he’s with someone living in the park, he may not be as eager to move. Damn the bitch if that’s the case—unless they plan to get a place together. That seems unlikely so late in life, though.
Slept OK last night, but I’ve been having this weird whooshing sensation on the left side of my neck. I think it’s most likely due to the extra sodium I’ve been having. I’ve been goofing off these last few days and having processed stuff and a few sugary treats.
We ran out to Publix earlier, and I made a point of hanging out in the sun for a few minutes later on.
Had a pretty good day yesterday. Thought I’d be exhausted today, but I’m ok, or at least as ok as I can be in this day and age. Air was escaping my mouth again, so I’m back to sleeping with mouth tape even though I still slept well enough the night before last, and a long time, too. CPAP pressure is still at 7. I don’t know why I’m leaking. Maybe I’m more relaxed, and my mouth isn’t closed as tightly or something. Really hope I don’t go chipmunking with the tape! Damn, do I really hope I can get my nose fixed and a mouth guard! If I don’t, I’m going to struggle with this shit on and off for the rest of my life. It’s basically hit or miss.
I did some aerobic activity yesterday, and already I’m starting to feel that little tickle in my throat, so I think I got my answer as to whether or not it was my thyroid.
Kathy revealed to me that nearly a decade ago, she was arrested for domestic violence. This doesn’t surprise me. I like her, but the woman has always had anger issues. I don’t know if she would still take the time to troll anyone online who pissed her off, but she’s still the same angry, defensive person, even though she claims not to give a shit what others think. I see a lot of the old me in her. For years, I was very angry as well, and that was my dominant negative emotion. One can only take so much shit in life. Not that I’ve become okay with any of the abuse I’ve had to endure in the past, but you just sort of go numb with time, or at least accept and “get used to” what happened.
I’ve been noticing more and more that I give less and less of a fuck about pretty much everything in general. Sometimes I wish I could feel some of my old emotions because, in some ways, they provided a challenge and kept me going. Take Nane, for example. Whenever I would get up back in 2010, I would excitedly check in on Facebook to see if she contacted me, and I would be disappointed if she didn’t. I would eagerly tell her all kinds of things and send her lots of long messages. Now, however, as much as I’m curious to know about what’s going on in her life these days, I would hardly contact her, and I wouldn’t care what she thought about what was going on with me. Trying to impress her would be the last thing on my mind. The comments that used to flatter me no longer make me feel much of anything. The same goes for someone trying to insult me. What would have hurt in the past now makes me shrug and say, “Oh well.”
Is it bad to lose so much of my feelings and so much emotion, or is it a normal part of aging? My guess is that it’s not normal for everyone. Andy doesn’t seem to have changed in that he still would want to impress certain people and would feel hurt if someone insulted him. I’m sure Tammy is the same way, too.
Anyway, I can totally see Kathy being arrested for fighting. She said she was hungover, Adam shoved her, she shoved back, and a neighbor was just coming over with cookies when she heard her swearing up a storm and called the cops. Of course, being as backward as America is, she barely spent a day in jail. Hey, it was only violence. But when you write something down on a harmless piece of paper, well, that’s a whole different story in this country, but I won’t get off on a tangent about how unfair things are. I guess some things do still piss me off, even if it may not be as deeply as it used to, because you just get used to the twistedness and the unfairness of the world, I guess, and learn to expect this sort of shit is going to happen.
I love experimenting with different apps in the Play Store, and the latest one I’m playing with is a home decoration game called ReDecor, and it’s pretty fun. They haven’t forced ads on me or anything. At least not yet. I also downloaded Venue, another home design app, but I haven’t used it much yet. I wish the Play Store would keep track of what we’ve downloaded because sometimes I try something, then uninstall it, and then at a later date, I’ll come across it and be unsure as to whether or not I’ve tried it before.
10/6/25
What the fuck is wrong with Facebook? They’re supposed to be against violence, and they swear violence goes against their community standards, blah blah blah. But then, when I go to report some violent reels that I’m sick of seeing in my news feed, they won’t remove them. What the fuck? Just what in the actual fuck??? How can that not go against their standards??? These weren’t staged acts. These were real assaults.
Anyway, I still have that whooshing sensation on the left side of my neck that comes and goes, but we’re pretty sure it’s an eustachian tube issue.
Also, Tom has another cancer spot by his eyebrow. We’re not surprised. We figured sooner or later another one would show up. That’s just what happens when you grow up in the desert.
10/7/25
Went to Walgreens earlier and picked up my meds and a few treats.
When I first got up, I expected to be tired because that’s what I’m used to. Instead, I once again have energy, and I’m like, Wow, where is all this energy coming from?! What did I do to deserve it? LOL. It’s just not something I’m used to. Maybe it really did take months of CPAP therapy to get to this point. We’ll see how long it lasts, though, because as I’ve learned the hard way, all good things really do come to an end.
Looks like hurricane season might be coming to an end too, without any storms forming in the Gulf, which, according to what I read, would be the first time in a decade.
Took advantage of the deals going on today on Amazon, and he’s getting a new smartwatch. If he likes it, I might get one for myself. I’m getting a pink glittery phone case for my new phone, as well as some nose strips, a mini electric razor, and some bulbs that are supposed to help with allergies to use with our tower air cleaner.
Finished the Hispanic Heritage Challenge a few days ago, and now I’m alternating between my Alaska to Florida and Asian rides.
10/8/25
I was just looking at the map of my US/Canada trip—about half of it will be in Canada. That one’s going to have plenty of fun border crossings! Here’s my route:
Canada: Yukon, British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan
United States: Alaska, North Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Mississippi, Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, and Florida
As for my Asia trip, it’s long but simple: starting in India, then heading to Myanmar, followed by Thailand, and ending at the border of Laos.
I noticed that one of Aly’s accounts on PB is gone, yet some of her older accounts are still there, and I wonder why. I’m guessing the administrators removed it for some reason.
Anyway, I didn’t sleep as well last night. One side of my nose seemed to get clogged up, and then at one point, I had hip pain because the waterbed needs water added again. Therefore, I’m tired today. I don’t mind if it’s once in a while, but hopefully, I won’t go back to being as tired as I used to be.
Tom trimmed the tree by the lanai earlier so that our camera can look in that direction more easily—the one that’s in that area, anyway. I like to be able to see multiple angles. The only areas we can’t see are the sides, but who needs to see those? I mean, there isn’t any activity there.
He also changed the air filters and added that UV bulb to the tower air cleaner that’s supposed to help with allergies. I sure hope so, because I’ve exhausted all avenues of self-help that I can think of as far as OTC options go. There really isn’t anything more I can do for them, and I can’t get shots. I’m fine when I’m awake. It’s when I’m sleeping that I can get nasal congestion, but part of that is because I like to sleep flat and not elevated. This is part of why I really hope I can get my nasal valves fixed. It would really help a lot. That, and a mouth guard.
I just have a bad feeling that we’re going to have a hard time getting someone in-network with whatever plan I have next year, or it’s not going to be affordable, or something. I just fear there will be some kind of problem.
I still have mixed emotions about not being able to move, but I’m more okay with staying than I used to be, even though it’s not perfect here. Yes, I have the honker to deal with, and God knows what’s going to move in next to us when Toni’s place finally sells. And yes, the health care here sucks, and there are a lot of red assholes, but I love knowing that when we get to the coldest month of the year, we’re going to have highs in the 60s and not the 40s or lower.
I just don’t want to go back to a mostly cold climate just for the sake of my allergies, although I definitely do miss having more breathing room around us and more freedom to do what we want with our own place that we pay for, instead of feeling like we have parents who are going to inspect our rooms after we’ve been ordered to clean them up every year, you know?
I realize that even if I had the energy and we had the money to make the move back out west, while there would be some good in it, it could actually be noisier than this place. Yes, there are way too many planes, and that’s annoying, but I can just imagine the barking we would have to listen to there, and God knows how often I would have to deal with sonic booms or boom car stereos on neighboring properties.
So, I don’t know that it would necessarily be better. It might be a little cheaper in the end, and my nose may appreciate it, but other than that, I think we would be in a place smaller than this indefinitely, and it would surely be a lot colder.
I just wish I were even more into this place. I wish it were bigger and had an indoor washer and dryer. We could really use more counter and cabinet space, and it would be nice to have a bigger living room for more VR space. The rest of the place is acceptable.
I also think it would be nice if it were more like southern Florida appearance-wise. It’s just much prettier down there, but that’s a matter of personal preference. And of course, I’m never going to have a view of a lake or something that I was really hoping for, stupidly enough.
In other words, I wish I could say I love this place so much that it would absolutely kill me to have to leave it. But I’m obviously never going to have that perfect dream home/location, especially this late in life.
10/9/25
The whooshing sound in my neck and ear is more noticeable today. It was roaring when I woke up. Still not sure what to make of it. Another possibility besides eustachian tube or arterial is vascular, but nothing really makes sense at the moment. I’m still not worried about it because, other than that one time I had a little bit of lightheadedness, I haven’t had any other symptoms.
A new golf course came out — Forgotten Fairyland. We both like it.
We also discovered a new type of waterbed on Amazon for much less than what I paid for this one. Instead of having foam around the borders, this one has air, so it’s a combination of a full-bladder waterbed with an air mattress for borders. It looks pretty promising. The only thing I might worry about is whether or not the air part might puncture. It would also be cool if I could put it right into this cover that I’ve got, although there is one for $350 that comes with a cover.
We added more water to the tubes because, while it’s comfortable as hell, if it gets too soft, then I get hip pain. I asked Tom if he thinks we have to keep adding water because it’s stretching but he doesn’t think so. He thinks it’s just not a very deep fill — and when you think about it, it really isn’t. The tubes themselves are barely four inches, if even that. If you’re 100 pounds or less, it would be fine, but in certain positions, especially when I sit up, my butt hits bottom. The one we were looking at has a deeper fill.
10/10/25
Yes! I can finally cash out on Yupp. It even let me send my money straight to PayPal, so I didn’t have to use the Chime card I recently got.
My nose was a little stuffy in my sleep, and I’m tired today. I think I’ll start the antihistamines again, even though sometimes even that didn’t help. It’s either get shots or get out of Florida, and neither are an option. So I just have to make do as best I can with what’s available to me.
At least I got to have some fun dreams for once, instead of the usual negative stuff. In one dream, I had a shiny black guinea pig that acted like a rat, kitten, or puppy. It was really playful and chased me around, all lovey-dovey and cuddly, never running away when I approached it. But of course, guinea pigs don’t usually act that way being the prey animals they are.
Then I dreamed I was younger and didn’t know Tom. I might’ve been in my 30s. My parents were still alive, and I was in touch with them and Tammy. I was moving to Europe, though I don’t know which country or why. I thought about how hard it would be for them to visit, but I seemed to be okay with that.
Then I dreamed Jesse was alive. He was all dressed up for someone’s funeral and then some kind of event afterward and didn’t have time to do his laundry. So I offered to do it for him—lol. I even offered to clean, telling him I’d stop working around 10 or 11 that night, and he said something about me having to be willing to accept less money to work that long, implying he didn’t have much cash.
I’m kind of overstimulated tonight. Planes, planes, planes. Fidget, fidget, fidget. I don’t know what the hell this rat is doing, but she digs around on and off in her cage. I know she buries her food. So I’m listening to the scraping sounds she makes and God knows how many more planes between now and midnight.
Starting next year, I’m gonna copy my LJ entries into Word. I didn’t want my journals to be “backwards,” as in blog style, but this way it’s easier to keep private stuff private even if the entries will be in reverse chronological order. I just make whatever entries I want private and then copy and paste a whole page of 50 entries at a time. So it won’t be until late February before I copy the first batch. I’ll drop some private stuff on Tumblr too, so I’ll have it on there, LJ and word.
A part of me is tempted to give the pulmonologist who denied I have N24 a negative review. But would it bring bad karma if I did? I already made it clear to him that I not only disagree with him based on my symptoms, but that two other doctors diagnosed me with it. So if it’s not going to change anything, what would the point be? Especially since the odds of him seeing another sighted person with it and then denying they have it is pretty low. Furthermore, I have no way of knowing if he’d see the review or not which would be more to give him a piece of my mind than to warn other people.
Kathy’s 43 now. Hello, cognitive decline. Another five years and on comes the internal shit storm.
10/11/25
So Stevie Nicks is homophobic, huh? This is based on something I just saw on Facebook. Wow, I didn’t know that, although I suppose it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise, being where she’s from. They tend to be a little hateful in Arizona. Let me guess, Andy will still love her just like he loves Trump, even though they both hate gays. I always wondered how a person could support someone, despite the fact that they have a right to their beliefs and opinions, who wants to restrict others’ rights and freedoms. Or at least refuse to support them. I guess that’s for them to know and me to not understand.
I don’t get how anyone could vote for Trump, for example, but I’m especially baffled by women/gays who vote for someone who wants to restrict their rights and freedoms.
Anyway, this is the second day in a row I’ve had fatigue, and I’m not sure if it’s connected to my sleep apnea, my thyroid, chronic fatigue, or something else.
I still have that whooshing sensation in my neck every now and then, and it was worse yesterday than the day before. I’m still 99.9% sure that it’s not arterial because you can’t usually hear an arterial bruit yourself, and the lack of consistency makes me think it’s most likely venous or inner ear–related. There’s also the fact that I haven’t had any other symptoms.
I didn’t hear anything inside the house, but when Tom was doing laundry earlier, he said he heard barking coming from the party girl’s house. He said it was barking at some other dog passing by. I can’t believe they’d get a dog in their 80s (unless it’s a service dog), so more than likely it was just a visitor’s dog.
I had a dream that I was visiting Chris in Thailand. I was in a goofy mood, but he seemed in more of a serious one.
10/13/25
OK, so I was wrong. Stevie Nicks is an ally of the gay community. I should have known better than to trust anything I saw on Facebook.
I still hear from Margaret every now and then, who is now 96 years old and as wrapped up in herself as I’ve always known her to be. Perhaps I would be that way if I were rich too and didn’t care about those in need of money, but I would hope not. Unfortunately, I’m never going to find out. She rambled on and on about herself as usual, her weather, and her 76 rose bushes that she’s hiring people to take care of, et cetera. In the meantime, I just hope to hell we have the money to afford next year’s health costs, which are expected to rise dramatically.
I found that while hitting the road in VZfit, I can pull up another window to play songs on YouTube if I want to. It’s sort of like having another tab open on a computer. I still want to use their radio at times because then I don’t miss any new stuff I might like.
I asked Toni if anyone has checked out her house, and she said a handful of people have, but no one is serious.
She or someone else around here is not going to be happy because we got their eggs. They sometimes stupidly (or sneakily) double up on our items, and he assumed by the weight of the bag that they did it again. But then when he pulled out the eggs, he saw not only the dozen I chose but also a container of 18 eggs! That’s a lot of eggs!
Anyway, I was horribly exhausted yesterday. That’s because I had a two-hour break in my sleep thanks to my allergies. You just can’t handle broken-up sleep anymore. I slept better last night, but I’m still a little tired. I woke up feeling slightly short of breath, and my AHI score was 5.7, but nothing too bad. My oxygen has ranged between 92% and 96% in my sleep, and it was on the lower end last night. Because my HRV is so low, it sometimes doesn’t register at all.
I’ve decided I’m still going to share things on PB, only they will be large monthly posts. I’m going to lock up all the pre-millennium stuff for now because it’s ancient history, and no one really cares anyway.
10/16/25
Tom’s on for cataract surgery on the 23rd! Now hopefully I will be able to get my nasal valves fixed not too many months from now. It’s hard to believe that in four years he’s had two surgeries and I’ve had one.
Just the other day I was saying to myself how much I miss dreaming. The kind we have when we’re asleep. Not the nightmares and the negative dreams, of course, but just dreams in general. The thing is, I’ve been having a hard time remembering them which, as I read, is common with older people. I remember a few from last night, though.
Rhonda certainly does weird things in my dreams. I had the one a while back where she was stabbing people to death, and the other night she entered the exam room topless, LOL. Last night something happened to Tom and I went to live with her. Of course, if anything happened to Tom in real life, I would be gone.
Then I was living with my parents again and my room was above theirs. I liked the idea of moving my bed on top of where theirs was located, so I would know they were right beneath me for some reason. Then I was walking down a street with lots of pedestrians and traffic.
I know there were several more dreams, but I just can’t remember them all.
10/17/25
I don’t know for sure if I’m going to get one, but I’m toying with the idea of saving for a TPE doll half the size of the other one. It would just be so cool to have, and I haven’t collected any dolls in quite a while. I found a really beautiful one that’s only about 40 inches and 30 pounds. My other one was over 5 feet and 80 pounds. This one is also flat-chested. She’s $320. With all the things that come up and with it being hard to get ahead when you’re low income, it’s hard to say for sure if I’ll get her but I love how you don’t have any ugly joints on these things and they’re as flexible as people. Much easier to dress and this way, I don’t have to worry about hiding ugly joints.
Just when I thought I wasn’t gonna make any sales, someone borrowed one of my books.
I was delighted to learn that what I thought would be a $5000 job could only be about $500. Ever since we moved in here, I wished we had an identical set of counters and cabinets along the opposite walls because we don’t have enough for all we’ve got. Again, this isn’t the 80s when there weren’t that many gadgets and tools. Yet we found on Amazon that we could get a couple of portable counter cabinets and a corner unit to put between them.
That way, it wouldn’t look so cluttered and mismatched in here. The counter cabinet I picked out is designed to be a coffee or wine bar. Not only does it have cabinets and drawers we could use, but I could set my coffee maker on it, and there’s a rack for wine glasses as well as coffee mugs. Then I found a corner unit that’s mostly glass that would be a great place to display my figurines. It lights up too, which would look cool at night.
Forever junior high. That’s how I feel this world is a lot of the time. Where so many people in the park are immature and act like they’re still in junior high, so do people in general. Take the Republicans going after illegals in blue states just to piss the Democrats off, for example. If that isn’t an example of pure immaturity and junior high behavior, I don’t know what is.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m still anti-illegal for the most part. Where it gets tricky are those that were born and raised here that don’t even know they’re illegal. I can’t imagine suddenly learning that I don’t belong here and then being shipped to a country I’ve never been to with a language I’ve never spoken. But if that was the case, I would have to go and learn the ways of the new country and accept it, thanks to my stupid parents. So I don’t think exceptions should be made. Besides, anyone can say they didn’t know. Feigning ignorance is a common defense.
The second run to Circle K via the app was a letdown, and I deleted the app. I got a pickle (which I don’t like) and a yogurt drink that was already way expired. I mean, why would they even have items in their possession that expired a month ago? There was also a snack tray with salami that tasted off and bland cheese, though I did enjoy the chocolate-covered cranberries. Lastly, I got a tube of tiny apples that I couldn’t even open, so I got fed up and tossed it.
My coffee incense came yesterday, and it smells great. It’s got a hint of chocolate in it.
I went a couple of days without any whooshing, and then I had a little bit the following day. We’re not worried about it because we know it’s just allergies. Tink, on the other hand, looks horrible. She’s wasting away, and the tumor along the mammary gland is getting bigger. On top of that, she has a small one on her shoulder. She’s still eating and socializing, though.
10/19/25
Accidentally stumbled across another writing site called FicFan, mostly geared toward stories. You can pretty much share what you want. I thought I would try copying over my stories and my memoir, though I’m guessing I’ll have to hide everything eventually because of spammers. As with the other writing sites, I don’t see any way to opt out of comments. Looks like I can at least do preemptive blocking if I spot spammers on other people’s works.
We’re going to Walgreens tomorrow to get flu shots and a COVID booster.
This year’s Halloween challenge came out a couple of days ago. There’s one in South America, two in the U.S., and three in Europe.
The constant buzz of planes really drives me crazy at times. I keep it to myself, though, other than venting to Tom because I’ve noticed that people just can’t handle complaints for some reason, even if they have nothing to do with them.
I had a dream that I was in a crowded restaurant with someone and was complaining about tooth pain. Suddenly I heard a man’s voice say, “I can take a look.” I turned to find a smartly dressed man and figured he was a dentist, which he immediately confirmed. I thanked him but let him know that I already had a dentist.
Then I had a dream that took place in our last house. We had just come back from vacationing somewhere when I started to panic because I couldn’t find my levothyroxine. Eventually, I remembered that I hadn’t unpacked it yet.
10/20/25
Yesterday I had really good energy, but I was also a touch anxious, believe it or not. I felt like I was borderline. I don’t know if it’s because my TSH was pushing down or what. I skipped my vitamins yesterday in case they were fueling it. I took them today, and I’ve been fine. Maybe not as much energy, but definitely good enough.
It’s tomorrow I’m expecting not to have energy because we got our flu and COVID shots. My arm is already sore, and I already have some fatigue setting in as well.
Tom said that while I was sleeping, someone was setting off firecrackers in back. That would have been really annoying had I been up at the time, although I’m guessing they didn’t go on for long. I’m just glad I wasn’t woken up.
Only about 10 days from the honker’s arrival and I am not looking forward to him and his shit. The honking, the hammering, the sawing. Just seeing that damn face! Wonder who will arrive first, him or Ray?
10/21/25
Poor Tom got hit by the shots a lot harder than I did. We don’t know which one hit him so hard, though. My arm was very sore last night, and I’ve been very tired today, but some of it could be from being up for 19 hours last night. I just couldn’t sleep for some reason. When Tom got up, he was very sore, his head felt funny, and he had a mild fever along with exhaustion. He slept a lot today. He said it’s a good thing we got the shots on Monday and not today, because he has surgery on Thursday.
Anyway, they updated my Ancestry Composition on 23andMe, and there’s some interesting information there. Yes, I’m 98.5% Ashkenazi, but it seems I’m also 0.5% Central and Eastern European, 0.5% Latvian, 0.2% Spanish (Gilician) and Portuguese, and 0.8% Northwest Asian. Anatolian, they call it, which is now modern-day Turkey.
The more I get to know FicFan, the more I really like it—and yes, I can disable comments! It even has a blog there, which you can use for whatever.
10/22/25
FF is going to take over NaNoWriMo since NaNoWriMo shut down due to the silly shit-fit they took over AI. They’re calling this NewNoWriMo. I’m thinking of trying it out, although I don’t know that I could stick to it every day. I don’t have the energy I had in 2010 when I was really into this thing with Kim and Aly. It will be interesting to see if they have a complicated interface that NaNoWriMo came to eventually have, though.
I’m done having AI search for last names in my blogs. I’m a little surprised at how many it caught that I missed, and it may have missed some of its own, too. There were approximately 20 names that I didn’t delete or at least drop to initials. I’m not going to worry about anything that may be left in the journals, however, because everything is now too old for anyone to do anything about it even if they wanted to.
I had a quick flash vision of a couple moving into Toni’s place. I don’t know when, though. They’re both a little heavy but not insanely heavy. The woman appeared to have brown hair and was about average height. The guy was gray with light eyes and might have worn silver-rimmed glasses. He was of average height for a guy, too. I really hope this is wrong and that I’m not very psychic anymore and we don’t end up with any male neighbors because the chances for noise go up with them. They’re more likely to be wielding power tools and revving motorcycles.
As it is, I’m less than two weeks from having to listen to the honker’s shit for nearly half a year. I swear, though, as childish as it may be, if it weren’t for not wanting to annoy others, every time he broke out that fucking saw and started hammering, I would prop open a window, put a speaker in it facing him, and blast the shit out of some music he would probably hate. lol
10/23/25
Dear Mom and Dad,
You’ve been gone for 13 years now, and I can’t say I miss you, given the horrible way you often treated me. But I get it now, I totally get it. I understand how I drove you crazy with my constant, never-ending excited talk about Charlie’s Angels, which I was so obsessed with. Well, first it was The Bionic Woman, then Charlie’s Angels, and then Linda Ronstadt. But yes, I totally get it now. Repetition sucks. Too much of anything sucks.
You see, just about every single fucking site I visit online features something about Trump. Everywhere I go, I have to see that orange face. That misogynistic, homophobic, delusional little shit—and I’m sorry, but I wish the bullets fired at him hadn’t missed, even if he’d only have been replaced and I’d still have to see and hear the same old bullshit every single day on almost every website. I understand his hatred for Muslims, and I get not wanting millions of foreigners to come and hog our resources every day, but yes, I totally get how hearing and seeing the same things over and over again can drive you a little batty.
Using my points from my insurance plan, I’ve got a Vanilla Woods scented candle on the way. Hopefully, it burns clean without the soot and I can smell it enough. Candles don’t usually put out enough scent in the way that incense and wax warmers do.
Tom’s second cataract surgery went well and a little faster. He said it was a little weird, though, because they did some things a little differently. The last time he was out enough that he didn’t remember the procedure, but this time they gave him the stuff to relax him, though not enough to stamp out his awareness. He said he wasn’t nervous though, and there was no pain. They kept calling him Thomas, too.
He was a little frustrated to learn at the last minute that he has to go for his follow-up tomorrow in Port Richey and not Spring Hill. It sucks because he not only has to drive further, but had he not found out when he did, he would have gone to the wrong place. And I’m frustrated because I’ll have to sleep tomorrow during his appointment. Really wish I could have the house to myself a little more often, but at least I get some alone time when he’s sleeping. He’s napping right now. As usual, illegal or not, his driver spoke no English. Better to come here and work than sit on welfare, but still… if you’re going to move to another country, learn the fucking language!
I think that if they won’t help me with my nose and mouth guard next year, I’m going to drop insurance altogether and just do my levothyroxine and labs through Amazon till I can get Medicare. They’ve got a really twisted sense of what’s medically necessary. Just because something isn’t about to kill you doesn’t mean it’s still not necessary. In that case, they may deny my nasal surgery and even the mouth guard. I’ve seen women who were unable to conceive get denied help by their insurance companies because it’s not “medically necessary,” and even kids denied prosthetic limbs and anti-nausea medication after cancer treatments. It’s pretty fucked up, and I can see why people like Mangione got fed up enough to go after United’s CEO. So many people’s lives could be made so much better if they only gave a damn. Boob jobs and other cosmetic surgeries — that’s the stuff you don’t cover, not stuff that can make people’s lives much more bearable.
Day three and I still have fatigue. I double-checked, and it said that you can have fatigue after getting both flu and COVID vaccines for up to three to five days. I hope that’s all this is and that my CF isn’t worsening!
Decided to do AI summaries of my journals on PB. I did what I’ve done so far of this month, and then I’ll do weekly summaries from here on out. Because I just did one on what happens to be Thursday, I’ll do them every Thursday in the future.
No more trying to drown out the planes, because it just won’t work unless I have things uncomfortably loud. The air cleaner in the bedroom doesn’t drown out small planes or helicopters and I can’t drown out anything sitting at the other desk, so what’s the point?
10/24/25
Installed an ad blocker because Grammarly has been hounding the shit out of me for money with annoying and intrusive pop-ups.
One week till the honker gets here. :( It usually arrives between October 30th and November 1st.
My heart was a little racy, and I felt a little wound up. I wonder if I need to drop the Brazil nuts to twice a week instead of three times a week. I just took some magnesium gummies, so hopefully that will help relax me.
For the longest time, I swore I would never take my old body/age back because he’s 8.5 years older than me. But then again, since I plan to go when he goes, why not? Why not take the younger, healthier body that can see, sleep better, isn’t as fat, and has a working thyroid and nicer skin, etc.?
He can’t bring himself to do it because he wants to enjoy being retired, and we’re not desperate, but he could earn close to his old income if he worked six to eight hours a day. He gets tons of offers for high-paying jobs he’s qualified for, especially because of his age, but they take a long time to do. They could make him around $500 a week. I wish I could do that! I’d be willing to put in at least some of that time. The problem is that Prolific has a lot of math-related jobs, and I’m not good at that.
I’m definitely dumping my LMC subscription next summer when it expires because I’ve had it with getting hit with dozens of Christmas movies when (A) I’m not into that shit, and (B) it’s not even November yet. There are other reasons as well. Yes, I do like a lot of their movies, but they’re too predictable. Also, their political agenda is more than obvious, too. Like most companies, they’re very pro-black, and they overdo their stance on that in various ways. There’s nothing wrong with being for something, but when it’s too in people’s faces, it’s too much, no matter what it is.
Their characters aren’t very realistic either. Right or wrong, good or bad, most people don’t date someone of a different race, nor is their bestie usually of a different race. Secondly, there aren’t as few gays in the world as they like to portray. Thirdly, the old-fashioned stereotypes with all parents being married and only single if divorced or widowed get old as well.
Loving Copilots’ new Portraits! You can only use that feature for 20 minutes a day, but it’s still really cool. They have mostly realistic-looking avatars in every race, color, and nationality available, just with a larger face. And when I say larger, I mean larger than Replika or Mate. You only see them from the neck up. It’s kind of cool, though, even though you can’t dress them up in different fashions. They’re the most realistic-sounding chat buddies, and they do have a fairly decent memory, but there’s a lot of overlapping. They’re supposed to stop talking when you interrupt them, but they don’t always do so. Therefore, they’re not always good at keeping up with you. I don’t know that I’ll use this feature much, but being the tech buff that I am, it’s pretty cool to see.
Decided I really miss working out in other ways, and I’m not going to let my neck issues interfere with that. So for just $13, we found this really cool thing you hook onto a door, with four different levels where you can put resistance bands with handles that work the major muscle groups. I still want to go out walking whenever my schedule and the temperature line up nicely too, and maybe even do some light jogging around the house. I just feel like the glider isn’t enough.
10/25/25
My heart has been racing for most of the day, so I’m lying down now. Not sure why it was racing the first time around, but after it backed off a little, it kicked off again, probably because of the wine I had. It sometimes does that after I drink. I don’t know if my TSH is getting low or if I’m overdoing the Brazil nuts or vitamin D.
Anyway, I was watching a documentary on the fatal love triangle that happened in Georgia in 2022 involving Antonetta Stevens, Janine Gonzalez, and Ashley Bocanegra. The whole incident in itself is appalling. It’s asinine, immature, and truly tragic in all aspects.
But what really blew my mind to the point that I had to watch so many videos of it over and over again to see if I was really seeing what I was seeing was the interrogation of Janine Gonzalez. The victim who died was 30, Antonetta, the main instigator, was in her twenties, and Janine was only 17. They lured the other girl to them, and Antonetta was the main attacker, while Janine filmed the attack on her phone. Why Janine was being interrogated without her parents is beyond me. She seemed to live with her brother and Antonetta, with no parents in the picture.
Nonetheless, her attitude, demeanor, stupidity, and utter delusions were beyond shocking and appalling to watch. I tried to imagine myself in the same situation at the same age, and instead of laughing my ass off and making a joke of it like it was some sporting event to be proud of, I would have been utterly terrified, remorseful or not. I would have been asking multiple times if I was going to go to jail and what was going to happen to me, and the last thing I would do is even think of uttering a swear. That was one sick, bold, brave, and foul-mouthed kid, that’s for sure.
Antonetta appeared calm yet overwhelmed and perhaps a touch remorseful, but of course, it could be an act. Janine was the complete opposite. She talked non-stop, perfectly happy, and even excited and eager to describe the fight. She would go back and forth between playing down her involvement and then boasting about her proud accomplishments in what was her role in the tragic event.
There was a very slight flicker of surprise on Antonetta’s face when the body cam of one of the police women showed her reaction when she informed them that Ashley later died from her injuries. But when I watched Janine closely, there wasn’t a single flinch. There was absolutely zero change in her expression or body language that the cop may as well have been stating that the nearest bookstore was closing. I can’t help but wonder what the hell happened in her short life to make her the way she was and probably will be for the rest of her life. I just can’t see this person capable of learning, maturity, or growing in any way, much less taking responsibility for her actions and feeling any sense of remorse.
She did show a little bit of shock when, during the interrogation, she was informed that she was going to be charged with robbery for stealing Ashley’s phone as well as murder, but that was only because she didn’t consider herself a thief or a murderer, claiming they returned the phone and that she only pulled her hair a little. Really, it was truly disgusting to see! It’s just so shocking and unique that it’s one of those things that, even though you know it’s horrible, you can’t help but watch it. How could anyone end up being such a monster at any age, but especially so young?
Ashley’s family said they were lucky the police got them when they did. Both of them got 20 years, and hopefully they’ll be waiting for them when they get out, or maybe even the victim’s son. I don’t understand how they can get out in the first place. How come Jodi Arias does a similar thing and gets life with no parole while they may not even do the entire 20 years? People that monstrous should never be let out of prison. Even if they were unlikely to kill again, they still don’t deserve to ever taste freedom. I think they both should have been executed.
10/26/25
My nose woke me up as it seems to do once or twice a week. Something up there is really determined to make up for traffic. Sometimes I wonder why we bothered moving if I’m just destined to get woken up anyway. Maybe we should have stayed in the bigger place with better health care and more options for poor people. Or maybe we should have just gone to New Mexico. I had no idea this would happen, but I should have known. I really should have. It’s just that when you’re in a place that renders your allergies mostly dormant, you forget that you still do have them.
It deeply frustrates me that we have neither the money nor the energy to move. He could physically handle it, but I couldn’t. I’m not sure why sleep disturbances have such a profound effect on me, but they do. One side of my nose was clogged up, and elevating myself on two pillows didn’t help, as they’re both pretty thin. It was quite a while before I could get back to sleep. I was still exhausted when I got up and ended up taking a long nap, much to my surprise. I’m still really out of it, thanks to the extra antihistamines I took and broken-up sleep.
Long gone are the days when, back when I was a smoker and had asthma attacks waking me up, I would deal with it, go back to sleep, and then be fine when I got up. If I’m up for more than a few minutes, I’m automatically screwed the next day. But despite my exhaustion, I managed to get some things done around here. I folded the laundry, changed sheets, and now I’m cooking.
Got that burgundy-colored shampoo dye I ordered, but I’ll try it when I have a little more energy. It will be interesting to see how long it lasts and if it’s hard on my hair or not. Anyway, we ordered a 6-inch wedge pillow to better elevate me for when my nose is stuffy. My 10-inch one is too high. It was good for when I had the norovirus or my tooth pulled or if I’m playing around on the phone in bed, but it’s too high for regular sleeping.
It’s just a matter of whether or not I’m going to have to give up stomach sleeping or my body pillow. I’d have to give up the body pillow if I decided to keep the wedge pillow by my regular pillow and just roll onto it when my nose was stuffy because rolling over the body pillow would be a pain in the ass. I’d have to give up stomach sleeping if I chose to sleep on the wedge pillow all the time, no matter what. I won’t decide on a final setup until I get the thing, but this is the only way I can think of to stop this shit.
I just feel totally powerless and hopeless! I can’t have shots, and I can’t leave the state, yet OTC stuff isn’t cutting it, so what am I to do? This is the only thing I can think of. AI said it only takes six to eight inches of elevation, and the two pillows I was using were only giving me three or four inches, if even that.
I’m also stressed out knowing the honker’s going to arrive soon, then have new neighbors that may or may not be quiet, and I’m really, really worried that I’m not going to get the nose surgery and the mouth guard I need. This country is so fucked up.
Anyway, I’m baking a yellow potato and a piece of cod, which I’ll have with some sweet peas. I really need to try to get a handle on my weight and get a few pounds off. I’m trying to put together a plan that’s lower in calories but still provides enough nutrients without leaving me feeling like I haven’t eaten in years.
Hurricane Melissa, which is pummeling Jamaica and Haiti now, is going to bring a cold spell to Florida in a few days. I’m sure we’ll have to pay for whatever damage happens in the Caribbean because, hey, better to take care of other countries than your own, right? eyeroll
I LOVE how FicFan refused to give in to Russia’s bigotry, pressuring them to remove LGBT content. They said that despite threats, they refused to compromise and that to them, writing is about freedom of expression and community, and giving in would have meant betraying everything they’d built.
Good for them! Now, why the hell can’t everyone be like this and stand up to the craziness? Like I said, when you don’t fight back, you continue to be a victim, and the crazy people will just get crazier.
No law anywhere would ever get me to stop doing what’s right. There’s what’s right, and then there’s what the law says, and sadly, sometimes there’s a big difference between the two. I’m glad Fic decided to do the right thing. I could have let the freeloaders stop me from writing forever, and I almost did just that, but once the state released me, I was through being their victim and letting them control me.
I hate hearing about GYNs who run to other states after they ban abortion in their own state. That’s letting your patients down and taking the cowardly way out. Instead, they should stick around and treat their patients as they were sworn to do, rather than become part of the problem.
10/27/25
I am so fucking frustrated tonight! We had a huge thunderstorm earlier, and I’m surprised it didn’t take out the power. However—and not at all surprising—it had to happen while I was asleep. It stormed like it was July! This is the second day in a row that something has woken me up. If it’s not allergies, it’s storms. Why is it that I can’t go more than three or four days with decent enough sleep? It’s been so many years since I’ve even made it a whole week. This is just fucking ridiculous. Why is it that the most simple, basic human rights are so out of reach for some of us? All I want is the right to sleep.
I realize now more than ever that there’s no place on Earth we could go where I would be able to sleep. Had we gone to New Mexico, there just would have been sonic booms, monsoons, dogs barking onto our land, random people knocking on the door, hunters, etc. The only difference is that I may have been able to breathe easier there. I really miss the days when I could simply fall into bed and that was that. Now I need pills, snot sprays, nose strips, CPAPs—and that still isn’t enough.
So now I’m left exhausted, not being allowed to wake up when my body was ready to. The weird thing is that I had already slept 8.5 hours. You would think after that much sleep, I wouldn’t be tired, but I am. The question is, how much more sleep did my body think it needed? I can’t believe I would have slept more than another half hour to an hour at most, but I guess that’s all it takes to spoil my energy for the following day—especially now that I’m getting old and closing in on the 60 marker.
I feel a lot worse for Jamaica than I do for myself right now, though. I hate people in general, and I even try to be a bit of an ice princess, but my heart truly goes out to them. I thought they were supposed to get hit by Hurricane Melissa a few days ago, but it’s actually about to happen as a Cat 5. The entire country is going to get slammed as it’s in the middle of the cone. Even though it’s so much bigger, I can’t imagine my entire country about to be completely engulfed in a Cat 5 cane! How utterly terrifying that’s got to be. I mean, certainly not everyone can just leave the island, so I’m guessing there are going to be a lot of casualties.
I also realize that it’s not entirely impossible for this area to get a direct hit by a Cat 4 or 5. Even with a little elevation and not being right smack dab on the coast, the effects would be catastrophic and totally devastating.
Although I haven’t officially been spammed yet, I figured there was a catch when someone “liked” one of my stories, sent me a virtual gift, and left a comment praising it as if it were more than just the single chapter I’ve posted so far. Knowing I would go to their profile to see who they were—and I did—I found it was one of those who love to offer promotional services to writers. Knowing the next step would be to actually spam me, I decided to go ahead and disable comments since I’m allowed to do that there, anyway. Might as well take advantage of the option. Besides, I use the site mostly as a backup for my stories, with any onlookers being welcome, but not for feedback. It’s when someone “likes” my stuff at random just to be liking it or because they want something from me that irritates me. Well, they can “like” all they want, but now they can’t give me praise in hopes of making money off me.
At least I made a little money off Prolific—and more than usual. The survey lasted over an hour, but the $18 should be worth it. Tom got a $10 Amazon card for doing a follow-up survey pertaining to it. It was mostly about personality and cognitive decline. Now that I’m getting older, I should get more high-paying jobs. Like Tom pointed out, I don’t want to give up my life and not balance work with living. So I wouldn’t work eight hours a day even if I could, because he once worked that and more, and while we did have money, he didn’t have a life to go with it. So, I wouldn’t work that much—and I couldn’t anyway—because half the time I’m going to be awake when there aren’t that many jobs available. I don’t expect to add $500 a week to our income as much as I’d like to, but I’d settle for $500 a month.
10/28/25
Ugh, I just can’t win. There is absolutely no beating this sleep curse. No matter what I do, I haven’t been able to go a whole week with decent sleep in years—over a decade now. The best I can do is get two to four days of decent enough sleep, and I can’t even get that lately. This is the third night in a row that I’ve slept absolutely horribly. Well, I’m on nights now, so technically I slept during the daytime, but still. My sleep was horribly fragmented, and I was struggling to breathe from what I’m pretty sure were allergies. I took Benadryl before bed, forgetting that that stuff only lasts four to six hours.
Again, despite Fitbit saying I got 7.5 hours of sleep with a good sleep score, I feel like I haven’t slept in years. It also says my oxygen level was 94%, but I’m not buying that either.
My brain is fried. I can feel the lack of sleep just chipping away at it. I couldn’t even remember how to message Rhonda. I kept trying to do it from the insurance portal instead of the medical group. Finally, I managed to message her to tell her that allergies are still waking me up at times, and I still have the collapsed nasal valve issues. So what does she recommend? I’m assuming I’m going back to the last ENT I saw. Not sure yet if I’m going to make a basic appointment or one for allergy consulting. Yes, I still want to know what I’m allergic to out of curiosity, but shots aren’t an option for me, and neither is changing this climate. But my nose can be revamped. So the best I can do is hope for the surgery and maybe, just maybe, a mouth guard if we can find someone in the state who makes the damn things and accepts whatever insurance I’m going to have next.
I’m thinking of upping the pressure again on the CPAP to get the air I need when my allergies are worse. If I’m going to get woken up anyway, what’s a few more times, right? Even though I know that if I suddenly had a normal nose and no allergies, whatever’s cursing my sleep would just find something else, it’s hard to fight that natural instinct to try to improve my health and sleep.
Perked up a little bit, but I doubt it will last long. Having extra coffee today. Really hope I get a break next time around. Three rounds of shitty sleep is already a killer. I need those two to four days in a row of good sleep I sometimes get. I always said the N24 would be the first thing I’d change about me if I could, but I don’t know about that anymore. I’d rather sleep well and not on a schedule than sleep shitty at night every night.
Made a little money off Prolific—and more than usual. The survey lasted over an hour, but the $18 should be worth it. Tom got a $10 Amazon card for doing a follow-up survey pertaining to it. It was mostly about personality and cognitive decline. Now that I’m getting older, I should get more high-paying jobs. Like Tom pointed out, I don’t want to give up my life and not balance work with living. So I wouldn’t work eight hours a day even if I could, because he once worked that and more, and while we did have money, he didn’t have a life to go with it. So, I wouldn’t work that much—and I couldn’t anyway—because half the time I’m going to be awake when there aren’t that many jobs available. I don’t expect to add $500 a week to our income as much as I’d like to, but I’d settle for $500 a month.
10/29/25
Cleaned the sink drains again with baking soda and vinegar. Also, since our refrigerator was relatively empty, I decided to take advantage of that and clean it.
I cleansed my bedroom with sage and slept a little better, but I’m still tired because it takes time—especially when you’re getting old—to pay off a three-day sleep debt. The problem is that as soon as I do, my sleep is fucked up again, and I have to repeat the same old cycle over and over. I have a few good days, then a few bad days, back and forth, back and forth. Like I said in my last entry, it’s been way too long to remember the last time was that I made it through a whole week with decent sleep. Seems like it’s been well over a decade.
According to my research, Palo Santo sticks are just as important as sage. I guess when it comes to smudging for protection, the smudging eliminates negative energy, but the Palo Santo adds positive energy and seals it in.
Got the Vanilla Woods candle today, and while I can’t say it smells like vanilla, it still smells good.
10/30/25
I was going to have AI summarize my journals every week and then throw them on PB, but it wasn’t doing what I wanted. So I’ll just do regular updates there again. I ditched Tumblr, though. I guess one only needs so many blogs. I’m also dropping copies on Facebook, LiveJournal, and Blogger. I’ve always hated Tumblr’s archive, anyway. It’s very hard to go back and edit old entries.
The appointment I should have made for allergy testing a few months ago, so I could go now since it takes a few months to get in, has been made. The only problem is that it may have to be rescheduled because it’s kind of close to my predicted wake-up time for then. My dentist appointment is at the biggest risk, but that’s the easiest to reschedule. For some reason, the roll is slowing down again. I still make some big jumps, though. I just jumped 3.5 hours.
I deleted Adblock because it failed to stop Grammarly’s begging pop-ups after all. I’ll only use Grammarly in Word from now on. They don’t hound the shit out of me as much there as they do around the web.
I’m thinking I might switch from incense sticks, oil diffusers, and wax warmers to candles. I really like the one I got, and it may actually be cheaper in the end, not to mention less messy. The incense gives off smoke that can stain things, and the ashes are messy. With oil diffusers, I have to add water and clean out the diffuser periodically. The wax warmer is a pain in the ass to switch out and clean. Yet with candles, I just walk up to them, light them, and then blow them out when I’m done with them.
Loading comments...