What can I say, my mood is on the up-and-up. Work still sucks dick (even worse than before) but my mental fortitude has grown it seems.
I am practicing free will more frequently at work. I’m learning that I enjoy doing something cringe or unexpected just to see the kids reactions. I think their faces of confusion and maybe even disgust at my cringe behavior makes me laugh. Even at the expense of how my coworkers view me, I commit to the bit daily just for a laugh.
Being seen as a weirdo is probably one of the least concerning things to me at this point in my life.
Besides that, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to continue to build my mental strength. There are many things I’m mentally weak at, the main and most annoying being my inability to let some people from my past go.
I’m trying new methods now. With my newly discovered disinterest in how people view me, I have more confidence and willingness to just do what I want to. Of course, it’s important to consider how it impacts other people and the repercussions of said want.
Yaddy, yaddy, yah.
Anyways, I’m trying rejection therapy. Maybe my hang up with these people is the feeling of being rejected by them, therefore my brain is ruminating on that rejection and wanting to rectify it.
Why do I care so much about rejection? Maybe it’s because I was bullied growing up and never viewed myself as enough for my family, friends, or love interests. So I cling to the idea that the only way I can exist is if everyone I still think about… well, still thinks about me too. Because then they aren’t rejecting me utterly and completely.
So, it’s time to practice rejection. What’s a better way to give yourself an ego check other than proving your ego to be either right or wrong.
My ego and rejection fear says R still thinks about me. So, let’s put it to the test.
I send one message.
..
…
No reply.
Congratulations, h! You’re wrong and you have been rejected. It feels like a stone in your chest now but the more often we do this the lighter the stone will feel.
We’re not going to die.
Instead, we are forced to accept reality.
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