I’m really upset, so I thought I’d start an online journal to work some of this out.
Today, I had a friend who brought her sick child to my house to play. I know a lot of moms who this would anger- perhaps without just cause. However, I have a unique situation: My youngest child suffers from a genetic immune deficiency disease.
This particular friend- we’ll call her J- knows this. I had to sit down and have a very frank discussion with her about the implications of her actions, and I still didn’t feel any better at the end of the conversation.
Her child was vomiting this morning, and this isn’t the first time we’ve had an issue. What’s worse is that almost everyone I know seems to have the same attitude as she does about sick kids.
Even a common cold is a big deal around here. At best, it means weeks of breathing treatments and feeling poorly for my daughter. At worst, it means hospitalization and even, perhaps, death.
We live in constant fear of my child contracting something minor that could kill her. It’s terrifying. It’s overwhelming.
Really, it’s just horrible.
I know a lot of people who get defensive when anyone asks for them to keep their sick kids at home. I hear many, many arguments that allowing your child to get sick will boost their immune systems as adults. I hear arguments that there’s no keeping kids of this age from getting sick, so we might as well embrace it.
And, fortunately for these parents, this is true for their kids.
Yet, it’s not for mine.
Autumn is always a really frustrating time for our family. While most families are going on hayrides and trick-or-treating, we’re sanitizing hands and staying at home. During the holidays, we don’t get together for large family gatherings, choosing instead to only get together with the kids’ grandparents. Because many viruses are contagious before symptoms present, we tend to be a bit anti-social. We miss a lot.
It’s hard. I’m not going to lie. It is really, really hard. But I love my daughter and I’m willing to do whatever it takes until she’s old enough to take some of her own precautionary measures.
We are very fortunate that her specific disease tends to get better as she matures. While her immune system doesn’t work well now, her blood work shows that she has already a slightly increased amount of white blood cells. Her pediatrician is encouraged by the results and hopes that, some day, she’ll be able to lead a normal life.
That’s not the case for everyone, though. There are many families out there with a family member who will always have a suppressed immune system. There are people who are fighting cancer, people who have contracted diseases that lower their ability to fight infections, people whose life-saving medication keeps their immunities down.
And I understand why people don’t take precautions for these people in our society.
I know how impossible it is when you have a sick kid. I know how heartbroken my children are when they come down with something and aren’t able to attend an event they really want to attend. I get how frustrating it is to have to keep your kids home from daycare if you are a working mom.
I understand all of this. And yet, I also don’t understand how my friend, knowing that my sweet daughter could potentially be hospitalized over such a visit, would still bring her vomiting child to my house.
I just don’t get it. Quite frankly, I’m not sure our friendship will survive it.
In fact, the last time my child was hospitalized, it was after spending time with this family. I assumed at the time that she didn’t know her children were sick, but now I’m starting to second guess that.
You don’t have a vomiting child and assume they are well, so if she willingly put my kid at risk this time, I don’t know if I believe she didn’t last time also.
I’m so frustrated. I’m not sure if I’m just frustrated with my daughter’s condition, and that is making me want to lash out at my friend, or if I’m frustrated most with my friend, but it all seems pretty overwhelming to me right now.
I just can’t deal right now. I need a long, hot bath and a good cry.
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