I don’t know what people consider rock bottom, or if there are various interpretations of rock bottom, but I think I’ve hit it.
25 years old. Living with my parents. Have no job or money. Literally stuck. I live in a very small town and job possibilities are very slim. I had been with my partner for over 2 and a half years, we were living together and engaged. Now that’s all over and my life consists of my dog Neo and not much else.
I have thoughts of moving away as there seems to be no other way to get a job and my life back on track but with my dog it makes moving that much harder. I don’t know anybody else anywhere else and have absolutely zero dollars to my name.
I stay up all night and don’t sleep until about 4am, which leads me to not waking up until 12pm. I get up and take my dog for a walk, then I come back to this house and retreat to my bedroom as to not have to deal with my parents. I don’t mean to be rude or unthankful that they let us live here but I literally can not stand either of them. It’s funny how different children can be from their parents.
So I’m stuck. And trying to organize any sort of way to get out of my situation is hard. Although I’m trying. I think I’m trying… I’m getting into quite the quarter-life crisis funk.
So I thought I’d blog. If I can’t go out and scream or punch something or throw all I have away and curse my life choices then… I’ll blog about it. Make the Internet deal with me and my problems. Get them out of my head at least.
So this is the newest day. The newest day of my troubles because today my sister told me she’s pregnant with her first child. And I know I should be happy for her and love that her life is going so well and according to her plan… But I hate it. I hate that she’s only a year older than me and she owns a house with her partner, they both have stable jobs and now have a child on the way. I hate it.
I have one friend that drinks heavily and whenever I hang out with him I also drink heavily. Because that’s what we do and what we have always done for years. So I think I might be starting a problem with that too. Since my partner and I broke up we have been hanging out most days to distract me from either texting him or calling him or …. freakishly doing drive bys. I appreciate him being there for me, but I seriously need to stop drinking everyday and I don’t think I can do that while hanging out with him all the time. So my one friend I have is going to have to be put on stand by for a while.
So that’s my story at the moment. It’s depressing and horrible. It could be worse and I know that but… At the moment it’s pretty fucken bad.
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