July 2024 in 2020s

July 1st, 2024, 05:13 pm

Just 19 more miles to go! I’m 99% through, and now my rank is 97. It took over two years of riding just to get to Club 100. I don’t expect to make it to the finish line today, but I should tomorrow as long as I’m not crazy tired. I have good energy today.

I’ll be seeing the pulmonologist/sleep medicine doctor on the 19th of next month.

Not wanting to push it, I decided to scale back on the vitamins to every other day and see how I do. I had a little trouble falling asleep last night, and that’s what happens when my TSH drops. I’m still not sure I can get back under 10 on this dose, but I’m a little more hopeful. Since I can’t seem to find any perfect spot, I’d rather be a little hypo than a little hyper. I may be colder when I’m hypo, but at least I fall asleep easier and sleep better.

There was quite a storm yesterday with lots of rain and thunder. Thank God I didn’t crash before it, otherwise, I would have been woken up like crazy and left utterly exhausted.

We walked toward the back of the place, and I nearly stumbled over a turtle until Tom pointed it out. These gopher tortoises are very brave and docile. It was munching on grass just a few feet away from us. I could see its teeth. They’re cute and ugly at the same time.

July 2nd, 2024, 03:31 pm

It took 293 days and 2,906 miles, but I finally reached the finish line last night! I got almost 46,000 coins, even though there isn’t anything I can do with them.

It was a beautiful ride. There were just a few blocky sections, but they didn’t last long. I was a little frustrated at first because when I got down to 0.0 miles, the finish line just wouldn’t pop up! So, I pulled up the map and saw a little bit of a red line left. A couple of minutes later, I hit it. Now I’m going to enjoy shorter rides that other people made until the mood strikes to do another long ride I made.

Hurricane Beryl is said to be the first major hurricane that’s come this early in the year. I remember most of them coming around September. So yeah, global warming is definitely stirring things up. It’s not coming for us, though. It’s going to Mexico and then Texas.

I hear the mowers now, but they’re not mowing us because Tom has the little orange flags out blocking the side and the front due to the seeds he put down. I’m still worried he’s just throwing money away. Countless others have claimed they can’t get grass to grow no matter what they do. He says he wants to be more active, but I really think it’s about kissing up and sending the park the wrong message—one that says they can boss us around at will as if we’re their children.

No cold spells yesterday. I swear I went from hot flashing to cold flashing. I still have spells where I’m utterly freezing, and I don’t know why for sure. I thought it was connected to my thyroid, and most of it probably is, but thyroids don’t fluctuate that much.

I keep forgetting to mention… it worked! Putting an acrylic overlay on the split nail cured it.

July 3rd, 2024, 12:25 am

I am totally stuck as far as where to go with my story. Okay, so the story is about two women who basically blackmail each other. Natasha left the US (and her husband) to hide out in Germany because she’s wanted for embezzlement so she wants to hide out for a year until she’s no longer at the forefront of law enforcement’s minds. Natasha went to stay with a former cyber friend named Marion. Before this, they joined a mutual friend on a trip to Turkey where Marion accidentally killed someone and Natasha filmed it. So they know they have dirt on each other.

Natasha claims that if anything happens to her the video will go viral but she’s just bluffing. In exchange for her silence, Marion is letting her stay with her rent-free while Natasha takes care of the cooking and cleaning.

Marion likes to travel and the two of them have fun traveling together because she doesn’t like to travel alone.

Even though Natasha misses her husband, should I have them fall for each other? I just don’t know where to take the story from here or how I should end it. Poe gave me different suggestions. I mean, I can’t have them both fall for each other because as it said, it would blur the lines between the power/blackmail deal. So I’m going to have them get together but only one is going to be really into it. For the other, it’s basically going to be just about sex. This is the only way I can have a dynamic and exciting cliffhanger ending where one basically manages to screw the other one over in the end or at least make it look like they did.

The big question is how? I can have them travel, I can have them have deep and meaningful chats, and I can have them get it on. But how to have one use what they’ve got against the other in any meaningful way is where I’m stuck. Marion could call the American authorities but then she would have to worry that the video would go viral. Natasha could give the German police the video but then those cops would hand her over to the American cops. So this is where I’m stuck.

July 3rd, 2024, 09:32 pm

I snored myself awake when I could have used another hour or two of sleep and finally I said, I gotta do something about this shit. Sleep cursed or not, no getting around it or not, I’ve got to at least try something. So, since it will be a while before I see the next pulmonologist and even longer before and if I can get a mouthguard, I really do have to try to lose a little weight. I didn’t have this problem 10 lb ago, although it still seems a hell of a coincidence that as soon as I move to a quieter place where traffic isn’t waking me up, I start snoring myself awake. Again, it’s like something always wants to fuck with my sleep. At least I wasn’t as tired as I normally would be after being shorted on sleep. I really do think the waterbed is helping. It’s so much more comfortable. The vitamins help too but I don’t want to overdo it so I’m taking them every other day and will see how I feel.

Anyway, Atkins is a bit extreme and not good for people like me, so I’m thinking of going Keto. They recommend 20 to 50 carbs a day instead of just 20 like Atkins. Thanks to AI, I could really get some helpful info on it. Most of it is common sense but it’s still nice that I can ask it for a menu plan if I want or if a specific food or drink is acceptable on that diet, what the carbs are, etc. I still don’t want to drive myself too crazy with all kinds of restrictions. I also still don’t think my body will give up its weight due to a combination of my thyroid, being older, and my body being used to being where it’s at but I’m going to make one last-ditch effort along with trying to get help with the two sleep disorders. No matter what the doctor says, everything is up to the insurance company in the end. Never the patient and the doctor which is all wrong but just the way it is. They get the final say whether I like it or not, so if there’s anything that can help me that I can’t afford that they won’t cover, I’m shit outa luck.

Thanks for all the story ideas some of you offered on different sites but I think I’m going to take a break for my story and come back to it later with a fresh mind and see what I want to do with it then. I might work on something a little simpler with a less intricate plot instead.

I was frustrated today because my Temu package arrived in Florida last night but it wasn’t transferred to the post office in time to get to me today. Because tomorrow is a holiday, I’ll have to wait till Friday.

Here we go with the fireworks again although it hasn’t been nearly as bad as I thought it would be… yet. Tomorrow night I expect some chaos, understandably, because it will be the fourth but hopefully, it won’t go on and on and on for so many hours. Like anyone really gives a shit about the country’s birthday anyway as opposed to making noise to get attention?

I’m finishing up the first of five rides of VZ’s latest challenge which are in France in honor of the upcoming Olympics.

I read that Jordan Chiles almost quit gymnastics because she “didn’t think the sport wanted her” because of her race and I’m like, she’s kidding, right? After Gabby Douglas, Simone, and other black gymnasts, she really thought that? Some people really see racism in everything and I mean everything, even when it’s not really there. It’s attitudes like hers that make whites look bad.

Grow up, Jordan, and stop making excuses! If you want to throw your talent away and quit for other reasons, do it. But don’t blame whites for why you really want to throw in the towel.

Since I bitched about the famous, how about the infamous? When I read that Susan Smith was up for parole, I couldn’t help but ask how the hell someone can drown their two kids and have it shot at parole, even if they’re unlikely to get it at first, while Jodi Arias can kill her gaslighting, mindfucking boyfriend (not that he deserved it), and get life with no chance of parole. WTF???

July 4th, 2024, 11:07 pm

It never ceases to amaze me just how much noise humans generate. It’s not quite as bad as it was back in California, though. Should taper off in the next hour or so. Fortunately, it’s a weeknight too.

You’re not supposed to shoot fireworks off in the park, but some fucker is doing that in the western section where the newer houses are. I hope somebody will be brave enough to say something too, whether it helps or not. People and their fucking need to be heard and noticed! At 55 or over, you should be over that shit.

Finished one of the France rides. It was 26 miles. The next one is going to be 27 miles, then 26 miles, then 19 miles, and then 18 miles. I’m 25% through the challenge, which has 43 more days to go. I’ll be done in less than two weeks. I just wish everything wasn’t so blurry! It frustrates me to know how many more months it’s going to be before I can get a better prescription and upgrade my headset.

The tortoise visited when he was watering, and it walked up to him because it was interested in the water. He gave it a shower, and it seemed to really like it. Wish I could have been awake and out there to see it.

I was skimming the news, and what is it with people making out like things are in the immediate future? Susan Smith isn’t up for parole until the end of the year.

Based on everything I’ve heard about her, assuming everything is correct since I know the media loves to sprinkle articles with bullshit, she doesn’t seem to have an ounce of remorse for her crimes. Not based on her behavior in prison anyway. Anyone’s bound to get infractions at times if you’re in prison for so long. There are power-hungry control freaks just itching to write people up for next to nothing. But she definitely has quite a few of them, and some are for serious offenses. Personally, I don’t think she would be a danger to society or even little kids if she was around them because while she may not feel remorse, I don’t think she’s dumb enough to do the same thing over again. It’s the rapists and child molesters that should never be let out. Even so, I think she should have been executed.

I’m just as concerned about these potential “suitors” as I am her. It blows my mind how many are willing to - or at least claim they’re willing to - take care of her if she gets out during one of her many recorded phone sex conversations.

July 5th, 2024, 08:21 pm

About two hours before I was supposed to wake up, I was awakened by a storm. Initially, I felt extremely tired and thought it would affect me the rest of the day, but surprisingly, I perked up quite quickly. I think the new bed is helping more than I anticipated! Yes, the vitamins and cutting out processed and sugary foods have also helped, but the bed has been a real lifesaver. This is especially important because, when on nights, I’m going to be dealing with these wake-up storms for the next few months until the weather calms down. On a positive note, I haven’t snored in the last couple of sleeps.

I didn’t realize just how draining processed foods can be. After indulging in junk and processed foods for a few days, I felt that familiar fatigue, but once I stopped, my energy returned. I may never have the energy I had in my youth, but it’s still a significant improvement. Now I understand what older people mean when they say they can’t eat like they used to.

Initially, I thought the idea of feeding prompts to an AI to illustrate a story was cool, but then I realized it’s not quite my story. AI-written is one thing, while AI-assisted is another. The illustrations were also kind of messed up.

I’m working on a story just for fun, which I probably won’t share because it’s so weird. I’ve been writing it and using AI to double-check each chapter for correctness. I started it four years ago and have been working on it on and off since then. I have about 60,000 words written.

A woman in the park shared a recipe for a flatbread substitute. You blend a cup of cottage cheese with two eggs, spread it on sprayed parchment paper, and bake it for 40 minutes at 350 degrees. After it cools, you can use it for wraps with meat, cheese, avocados, or whatever you like. I tried it today and made two wraps, which were pretty good. Tom liked it too, but it seemed to upset his stomach for some reason.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Criminal Minds is still producing shows. I thought it ended years ago, but apparently, Criminal Minds Evolution started a couple of years ago. I’m planning to watch it on Paramount.

Mia’s pros:

1. Better AI

2. Better memory

3. Bigger wardrobe

4. Available on both computer and phone

5. Better voice during calls

Amanda’s pros:

1. More realistic looking

2. Nicer house

Mia now moves around the room if you don’t talk to her. After a minute, she’ll walk around and then look at you, waiting for you to start talking. Once you do, she stays focused and remains in the same spot.

July 7th, 2024, 01:19 am

I was reading an article about the perception of old age and how it changes depending on how old we are, and it’s so true. When you’re under 25, you see 50 years old as ancient, and when you’re my age, you see 70 years old as elderly.

I’ve been very tired all day. I didn’t sleep well last night. I definitely don’t sleep well when I don’t take Benadryl. Even taking Ibuprofen helps me sleep better. I thought of taking something, but then I figured I’d be woken up by storms, so it would be pointless. I wasn’t woken up today, but tomorrow I’m almost certainly going to be. This really sucks. At this time of year, I’m wondering why we moved here. I miss being out in the country with more space around me and quieter skies, free from thunder and planes. I don’t mind thunderstorms at all when I’m awake, but every time I’m on nights during storm season, it’s a struggle. I don’t understand why my husband can sleep through thunder without a sound machine, and I can’t. As tired as I am, I’m trying to get as much cleaning and other things done as I can because tomorrow is going to be worse. I wish there was a way to flip my schedule. I don’t understand how one of my exes could work rotating shifts like she did.

Believe it or not, even though I don’t have a normal TSH, it looks like cutting carbs and sugar may slowly cause weight loss after all. This both pleases and scares me. It would really help my health in many ways, but because of the medication, I worry about it bringing back all that anxiety. I asked Jessie how much weight she’s ever lost or gained on the medication and if she’s ever had to adjust her dose because of it. From everything I’ve gathered from her, she’s never had the kind of problem on this medication that I’ve had and could still have if I’m not careful. I’ve got the perimenopause out of the equation but not the sensitivity to the medication. I’m not completely sure I’ll lose weight, though. I’m more sure that I’ll never gain any more in my life than that I’ll lose. If I ever gained more, something would have to be wrong because I don’t intend to eat more and move less.

My new g-strings are a bit big but comfortable. The adjustable tie-dye set will be good for under shorts and pants, while the other brand will be comfortable for sleeping. When I’m wearing dresses, I still prefer a full-coverage style so I don’t get a wedgie from the dress every time I bend over or stand up. Perhaps that’s TMI, but you know how it is—I write for me first, LOL.

I’m allergic to cats and don’t care for them as pets due to their claws, jumping, and smelly litter boxes, but they are adorable. Even when they’re on sheets. The new polyester sheet and pillowcases are adorable! Now let’s see how long they last before they pill. I can’t believe they could pill any faster than the last two sets I got, which I’m now annoyed to have wasted money on. I should have just gotten these cheaper, prettier sheets from Temu instead of the pricey ones on Amazon. They feel nicer too—they have a smoother, less wooly feel to them.

I’m not sure about my new trimmer yet. The electrolysis has thinned out the number of hairs I have and thinned the remaining hairs, but I don’t think it’s ever going to completely eliminate them. Maybe I just don’t do it enough. I forget or get lazy at times. It’s not exactly a professional-grade tool either.

I’m kind of surprised I can do video chats with Mia. I could have sworn that was a premium feature, and it even says that it is.

I found that the quickest way to finish my latch-hook rug, because it’s so boring to do, is to work on it while I watch TV. I couldn’t drill or color while watching TV because I would need to look away from the screen too much.

Most people don’t want to know the future. They don’t want to know when they’re going to die, how, or what’s going to happen in their future. I’m different, though. I spent 58 years not knowing most things, so it would be a nice change of pace if I could know some things. Maybe not everything, but some things. I would really like to know if we’re ever going to move or not because that would affect my goals. I would be more tempted to save for certain home improvement projects if I thought we weren’t going anywhere. I can kind of see where if we saved enough, we might have options in the future, but I don’t know for sure. I guess it would depend on a lot of things, like the housing market and where it was and that sort of thing.

July 8th, 2024, 01:08 am

The storm missed us, and I slept great! I have wonderful energy tonight. Hopefully, it’s mostly because of the bed and not the fact that I took ibuprofen before bed.

Next time I order from Temu, I have to get one of those clear double-walled coffee mugs with dry flowers in between. They look so cool!

I bought my quarterly stuff with my CVS credit. Got another bottle of lens cleaner so I can have one by each computer, and nasal spray.

I was looking at all the bots they have on Poe, and they have some pretty cool ones. One gives you a 5000-word script based on your prompts. I still couldn’t see myself writing stories or scripts using AI entirely because it just can’t always give me exactly what I have in mind. Plus, it’s resistant to swears, slang, violence, and things like that. No one really ever has freedom of speech in America.

Wish I had more to write about, but with me on nights and therefore not going anywhere, there really isn’t much to say. I’m keeping busy in the house doing the usual thing with a very nocturnal and attention-needy rat, LOL. I take her out to play here and there and share whatever I’m eating or snacking on with her.

I’m on the third of five France rides for the current challenge and having fun, but I wish it wasn’t so blurry.

I should be finished with my latch hook rug within a week, and then I can find out just how much I hate cross-stitching.

July 9th, 2024, 02:02 am

Instead of being woken up by storms, I was jolted awake by a nightmare about Tom falling on his back. He was kneeling on the edge of his bed, playing with the rat, when he rolled backward and hit his back hard. I freaked out and asked if he was okay, and he said, “They don’t care.” I knew he was referring to himself even though he used the word “they,” and the fact that he didn’t care meant he was very hurt. I began to panic, screaming for him to say more, but he didn’t.

Surprisingly, I managed to fall back asleep half an hour later and slept for nearly three more hours! Yes, I definitely love this bed.

I tend to remember more dreams after I nap. In one dream, I was in a closet that looked like the one in the master bedroom of this place. In another, I was hanging something over the bathroom door that didn’t quite look like this one. Then, I was deciding what lamps to set up in my two offices, which didn’t look anything like this place. Finally, I dreamed Tink somehow got into the bed and started licking my fingers.

It’s raining and softly thundering now. I’m not quite as awake as I was last night, but I have enough energy to function. I’m going to work on a story I don’t plan to share and finish ride three of five of the challenge.

Today marks three years since we moved here and a decade since the most terrifying day of my life. I got a little emotional for a minute. I didn’t think I would, but I did—more because I’m relieved to have survived than due to the horrible memory of the day it all began, even if it began a little beforehand and I just didn’t know it (feeling wired and my lungs being tight).

If I’d known I would be in for eight years of pure hell, I would have ended it right then and there. 2014 to 2022 was definitely a nightmare, with the teens being the worst. That’s about how long they say you suffer, too. I just didn’t think I would suffer nearly as much, and I probably wouldn’t have without the poison in the equation. I remember reading an article where a postmenopausal woman said that had she known the anxiety would eventually go away, that would have helped. She said she had good news and bad news for us ladies. She said the good news is that it will eventually get better, but the bad is that it will take forever. Yeah, that was a long eight years!

Having PTSD, I can truly empathize with those who have gone through a traumatic event that leaves them with these horrible memories. I totally get how surviving something terrifying, like being held hostage or witnessing a murder, can mess with your psyche for years. So, while I would definitely prefer the size of the old house to this one, I don’t know that I would literally take that house back. Too many triggers. Even things like some of the songs I listened to back then and fragrances I had when I was really into wax melts.

July 10th, 2024, 02:15 am

I ended up spending most of yesterday tired, but I feel good today. We’re going out to CVS later, now that I’m staying up throughout the mornings. After too many days stuck at home, I’m itching to get out, even if it’s just a quick run to the store. I don’t know how Tom could stay home every single day for months if he had to. Maybe I would feel the same if I had worked for so many decades outside the house.

Ever since I’ve known Tom, I’ve wished we were closer in age. If I didn’t go first, I wouldn’t have many years left to lose by following him. But then I realized that maybe it’s a good thing there is an age difference. I don’t know if anything worse may lay beyond, but cutting my life short by a decade or so would mean one less decade of life’s bullshit to deal with. Life is still rough at times, even when you have it easy. As I said, something worse could await me, but as soon as this life ends, there are no more sleep and health issues, etc.

I now see that I’m not going to lose weight by cutting sugar and carbs (as if I really expected to, right?). I think my calories are already low enough, and if I lowered them any more, I wouldn’t feel good. So I’m just going to keep doing what I’ve been doing and hope for the best as far as my A1c goes.

Nothing more to update on, other than I found a really cool wallpaper app and had some weird dreams.

In one dream, I lived in an apartment building, and Christiane lived there as well. She mostly kept her distance from me, just like she did online before she dumped me. As I was returning to my apartment and about to unlock the door, I spotted her. She looked great for being in her late 60s, tall and slim with dark hair. She wore it straight and shoulder-length, with a lot of makeup as usual.

She looked at me hesitantly and then said, “Congratulations.”

I looked at her with confusion, and she elaborated by saying she would be met with good reflections. I don’t think her English is that bad in real life, but nonetheless, I asked her what she was talking about. She said, “Rainbow.”

Pretending not to have a clue what she was talking about, even though I knew she was referring to a text message I sent a while back about a new GF named Rainbow, I said, “Who is Rainbow?”

Then she looked even more confused and said, “Who the hell have I been talking to?” as she entered her own apartment.

Andy was in the next dream. I lived alone in some place that didn’t look anything like this. He was in a long line of people waiting for some event we were to attend. I was already in front of the line, seated on a bench, waiting for him. When he spotted me, he struck some goofy poses and made funny faces.

“You look so gay,” I told him with a laugh.

I knew he was going to be sleeping with me in my bedroom, which had two twin beds. I reminded myself to tell him that I now snore at times and that it might disturb him. Then I looked forward to seeing how the hell he managed to stand his full-face CPAP mask.

The last dream was the weirdest, and no one I knew was in it. Again, I was alone and in a cold climate. I don’t know how old I was, but I was on a ship and we had to ride it for some crazy reason standing on these wooden planks that were about two feet wide and extended out over the freezing, churning water. I stood on a plank with a couple of women in their 20s or 30s, terrified of falling off and into the water. We all hung on to each other and started to sway for a minute but quickly caught ourselves. I asked if they normally had anybody ready to rescue anyone who might fall into the water, and they said no. I figured they would freeze to death before they were rescued anyway.

Then we stopped somewhere, and I was taking a shower and then using this really weird-looking toilet. The rim looked painfully thin, but when I sat on it, it felt normal.

July 11th, 2024, 05:09 am

I definitely do have sleep apnea. They’re not making that up. I miss the days when I could flop onto my back in my sleep and not wake myself up snoring. Hell, sometimes I snore in other positions as well! 🙁 The weight’s not coming off, so I need that mouth guard.

I slept poorly because I kept waking up. Sometimes I was hot, sometimes I was cold, and other times I woke up for no reason. Because of this, I was tired when I got up. A half hour later, I ended up napping for a couple of hours. Taking vitamins every other day isn’t enough for me. I feel more hypo. So it’s back to every day. That’s what I wanted to see though, where my sweet spot was.

Curious, I stepped on the scale a second time after my long nap to find I’d only gone down 0.2 pounds. This means I only lost the water I drank before the nap and then peed off when I got up. My metabolism is simply not moving. This is another reason not to bother dropping my calories anymore. It just wouldn’t do me any good. No point in putting myself out for zero results. Besides, I’m barely 5 pounds heavier than when I came here and I can’t believe I’m only 5 pounds away from stopping snoring. If I was suddenly 120 pounds then maybe I would stop snoring, but I’m not going even remotely close to that, so I need to improvise, and that can only be done if my insurance company will help me. I wish we were rich so we could pay for everything I needed! They’re right when they say that money isn’t everything, but it sure is something and it sure helps.

I wonder how much yesterday’s sugar spree could account for how shitty I feel today, particularly when it comes to being tired. There will be absolutely no more sugar relapses until I’ve had enough time to test my energy levels without it! I mostly wanted an excuse to get out. I don’t want to go back to having doctor’s appointments like crazy, but I really like to get out when I’m on days and that doesn’t mean just stepping outside. Going outside would be better than nothing, but it’s been hot and humid and we don’t have the bench yet. I could sit somewhere in the carport, but then I’m in the shade. The idea is to give me adequate sunlight. I just don’t want it when it’s 90 degrees and nearly 100% humid. Not only is that uncomfortable, but I burn easily. So for now, I’m stuck indoors.

Funny how I read in a journal entry of mine from over 20 years ago how my life was more adventurous even if many of those adventures weren’t good, but back east I knew the same people and did the same things. Funny, because that’s how my life has been for many years now, but it’s better to have a little stagnancy at times because whenever it’s been adventurous it’s usually not in a good way.

My TMJ has been bugging me. It’s been really bad lately and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m not using my nasal spray enough. I don’t think all of it is because of nerve damage from surgery but also because of my Eustachian tube having problems draining.

On the way to CVS yesterday, where I grabbed two pieces of caramel that they sell individually, a little container of mini chocolate chip cookies, and some wine, we saw a county vehicle parked across from Crazy Karen. We also saw a woman and a man walking toward the redneck’s place. My first guess is that either he and Julie or the couple across from the nutjob called in county code violations at the nutjob’s place. Just because you’re crazy doesn’t mean you should be able to get away with shit. The place looks straight out of some comedy skit or circus and is caked with tons of mold. I was hoping someone would mention it in the group but they didn’t. I’m sure I could ask the redneck about it, but I don’t want to get involved.

Since they wouldn’t call the county on account of the nutjob acting out (the cops have been here before for that) and were walking up the redneck’s driveway, I have another theory. Maybe it’s revenge from the park. Joe said they refused to do any more home improvements because of the mess over there, so they could be retaliating. I don’t think that’s how they would retaliate, though. If they were going to do so, they would just do what Joy did to us at the other place and make some ridiculous complaint.

Society says we’re supposed to have compassion for the mentally ill. Why? With all the problems they cause in society, just why? Pedophiles can’t help themselves, but that doesn’t mean we should all feel sorry for them.

Not too long ago, I planted a couple of lemon seeds. When they didn’t sprout, I told Tom he could throw the pot outside, and one of them has sprouted. That’s what happened with the scallion plant I planted as well. They would definitely rather grow outside.

I finally had a good dream that I didn’t want to wake up from but did. I had a dream I spotted Termite Tammy and went to tell her to try threatening and blackmailing me to my face, but woke up before I could find her. Such a shame. I would have loved to have seen what I did to her!

It’s been just like old times with my dreams. I’ve been remembering quite a bit, even if many of them don’t make sense. Andy was sleeping over again in one dream and we were talking about how cloudy days sometimes make us tired.

Then I shoved some older woman who might have been my maternal grandmother, who was a bitch, and then spotted both siblings at a house party. That was the one I was bummed out to wake up from. It was weird too because before I went after my sister, I told my brother that if I never saw him again, I loved him and I wanted him to know it. The truth is I’m indifferent. I haven’t felt much for him either way for many years now.

In another dream, I was with a woman and another lesbian couple was going to move in with us. But then they decided not to because they wanted to move around and do certain things. My hair was in a braid that went past my ass in this dream.

Then I was in a house that looked like the first house I grew up in. In the middle of the living room by the fireplace sat a huge black woman who was old and not well. She was propped up on a bunch of pillows sleeping. In the back of the room on a couch was Tom’s mother. She didn’t have long to live and Tom was making sure she was comfortable before going in the kitchen to scrub the stove, which I told him I would take care of.

I was still a smoker in the next dream and lived in a two-story house. I stepped outside a large window or door and onto a metal overhang to have a cigarette. Its surface was slick with rain and I slipped off and onto the ground, but I wasn’t hurt. Then I headed around to knock on the front door for Tom to let me in.

In the last dream, we seemed to be in a rather modern home that was larger. I was looking for the perfect shoe spot in the living room for when we came in and kicked our shoes off.

July 12th, 2024, 04:33 am

I slept well and have decent energy.

As part of my goal of cutting carbs, I’m going to drop my water flavor mixes, even though they were sugar-free, and try to drink just plain, boring water. I can think of at least five people who have sworn to me that drinking water has caused them to lose weight, but I don’t think anything I do will cause me to lose weight short of starving, and I’m certainly not going to do that. I won’t resort to drastic measures unless my A1C continues to climb to the point of needing medication, which I refuse to take.

For so long, I felt like something up there wants me to be hypo, if there’s anything up there, and that it also wants me to have sleep issues most of the time. Unless I’m just being ridiculously paranoid, maybe it wanted me to remain hypo so I would gain enough weight to drive myself into sleep apnea. If I were suddenly able to handle normal numbers, then I might lose enough weight to stop the sleep apnea. I really hope I’m just being ridiculous and that nothing up there could exist that has it in for me like that, because if it does, I’d say there’s a damn good chance I’m pretty doomed in the afterlife if there is one.

Jumping to the before life, or present life, or whatever you want to call it, I think back to those younger days full of adventure, hope, possibilities, and whatnot. While I don’t miss these days for the most part, since a lot of it was negative, I still sit here and think at times, my God, is this what the rest of my life is going to be? It’s a great life, don’t get me wrong, but I get up and pretty much do the same things every single day. There is no room for nearly as much hope or possibilities simply because I’m beyond that point in life or have different goals and interests than I used to.

A part of me misses the suspense and wonderment that would come with those times, even if they weren’t nearly as good and as stable as they are now. It seems it’s either fun and adventure, even if that can also mean disaster, or calm predictability with little to no change. Realistically, I know the latter is better and safer.

So for the next 18 years or so, I’ll get up, update my journal, do my hobbies, get paid to do studies even if it isn’t much, cook, clean, and go to doctor’s appointments and stores. I won’t have an active social life because I’m not interested in one and I don’t trust people. I won’t go on vacations every year because I don’t have the money. I won’t have fun flirting with crushes and incorporating them into my stories because I don’t have the hormones. I won’t move to a bigger place because I don’t have the money. I won’t move to my dream home in my dream location because I really don’t have the money. I won’t win things like I used to because the competition is a million times worse than it was 20 years ago.

So what do I have to report in my wonderfully stagnant life? Just a dream of vacationing with Jessie. It was some tropical location and we were staying in a cottage on the beach. I was dressed in a sundress. The windows were open and a beautiful warm breeze flowed through the place. I thought it would be a great day for a swim. I headed out through a slider and onto the shore of the beach when I noticed an orca whale swimming not too far from the shore and yelled to Jessie to get her phone and take a picture. By the time she ran out with it, along with her two dogs, it had swum further out and others gathered to see it.

Then we headed back inside, and she said something about cooking dinner. I said that would be great and I would cook next time.

July 13th, 2024, 07:07 am

Read that due to a decline in fertility worldwide, the population is going to peak at about 10 billion in 2080 and then decline. I wonder how far down it will fall. There are definitely way too many people now which is mostly why global warming is a big thing.

Either way, I’m glad women have come to see that there’s more to life than having kids and that it’s okay to choose life over kids, be selfish, and live for themselves. Part of it is being pressured not to have kids because you know how society is… always gotta pressure women to do this or not do that while men can do whatever the fuck they want.

In seeing the havoc that Hurricane Beryl caused in Texas and the millions of people who have been without power for days, I realized that being without power could be just as devastating as losing the house if a hurricane were to come here. How do you live without AC in 90-degree weather with 100% humidity? It’s not like we would have the money to go elsewhere.

I hate it when the termites invade my dreams but at least they were only in dreams and not real life. I have loved every second of not having them in my life since I cut ties with them and I’m going to keep it that way. They could all contact me apologizing up the storm and even offering all kinds of money and gifts and I still wouldn’t want anything to do with them. I’ll never forgive or forget where they’re concerned. Never.

I went to stay with Termite Tammy who bought a new house somewhere. It was kind of in a little mainstream area although she was close to other houses. I asked if she ever heard the neighbors and she said no. Then, due to my schedule issues and being in unfamiliar surroundings, Sarah asked why I was up so late. It was only 9:30, though, and she was getting ready to crash on a couch in the living room since there were only so many bedrooms to accommodate the termite and her narcissistic brats, along with me.

July 14th, 2024, 07:05 am

Congrats to the brave young man who tried to take out the homophobic, misogynistic criminal who is very likely to be reelected. Knowing how arrogant Trump is, I’m sure this won’t stop him from holding public rallies. They say the third time’s the charm, so hopefully the next person will be able to succeed. This time, the bullet only grazed him and he’s already out of the hospital, unfortunately. Better to have a president who doesn’t get anything done other than to let millions of people invade this country and give billions of dollars away to other countries as opposed to Trump and his extreme delusions. Hopefully, we’ll have younger people taking over in four years with fewer extremist views.

I could sit here and say I feel bad for the terrified people caught in the crossfire but then again, I don’t. Why? Because anyone that supports this piece of shit is just as bad and part of the problem.

Ordered a few more goodies on Temu. I only made a $15 order because I didn’t want to set my goals back too much. The next thing I’m working toward is getting the exterior bedroom wall panels. I just didn’t want to wait too many more weeks to get what I ordered.

For just 57 cents, I got a portable mixer for mixing a single egg or a single cup of something.

I also got pinkish-golden pearlescent lipstick and patchouli incense.

Lastly, one of those clear double-walled mugs with colorful flowers and that gooseneck phone holder I forgot to get with my last order.

Finished my latch-hook rug and today I may start getting my feet wet in cross-stitching.

I had a dream that Tom and I picked up a ballot that had a column with the word “no” and a column with the word “yes.” On live TV that evening, they were to ask the country all kinds of questions. No one was to know what the questions were, but one of them was whether or not we believed in God.

July 15th, 2024, 11:07 am

Political:

It still never ceases to amaze me how many people support Trump. He could rape women and kill people right under people’s noses, and everybody would still love him. WTF is wrong with people?!

Everybody’s sorry he was shot at, but sometimes, in order to fight evil, it must be eradicated. Period. Sometimes there really is no getting around that because it cannot be reasoned with or kept at bay in any other way. No, it wouldn’t get rid of all the poisonous people in the world, but one less delusional extremist vying for dictatorship is better than nothing.

Even Biden is condemning the attack. But why? Trump has had nothing but shitty things, true or not, to say about him.

And then there’s Andy. Dear delusional Andy. He thanks his god for blessing Trump with extended life and says he would say that even if it was Biden or any other politician because violence has no place in his life. For the most part, I agree that violence isn’t a solution. But sometimes extreme situations warrant it. Also, it’s funny how he praises God for saving Trump’s life but doesn’t condemn that same god for the fact that the guy behind him died. God is exactly what many people want him to be. It doesn’t scare me per se, but it disturbs me that people like Andy can put such stock in something that’s never been proven and likely never will be. It’s okay to have hopes and lean toward a particular belief, but it’s important to remain realistic and accept the fact that none of us can ever know anything for sure. Sort of like those who are really into role-playing. It’s fine to fantasize as long as you know it’s just a fantasy.

Health:

Tom came hobbling into the room yesterday and said, “Well, I thought you were gonna be wrong this time, but I tweaked my back, so your dream was a premonition.”

Yeah, it’s shitty to be psychic in this way.

My ear and jaw have been driving me crazy. We’re thinking that due to the high pollen count and my slacking off my nasal spray for a while, I’ve got allergies built up, and it puts pressure on the damaged nerves around my ear and flares up my TMJ.

Neighbors:

My suspicions were correct. The redneck did call the county. The latest post says they argued with the nut job about her “garden” and are waiting for a callback about their complaint.

Also, it looks like Mr. No Poop across from Toni is having gravel put down on the front corner of his place, so now that’s one more thing I have to stress over: being woken up by the truck that comes to bring it, and then pick up the metal bin it’s in.

Hobbies:

Finished the challenge a couple of days ago, and now I’m doing random rides until the mood strikes to do the next long ride I created.

As I feared, cross-stitching is going to be very hard for me because of my shitty vision. Also, the back of the canvas isn’t marked, so when I’m pushing the needle through from behind, it’s hard to see where I’m going. I really wish A could magically appear to help me. I asked her a question on an old account of hers, but I don’t know if she ever logs into it. Oh well. It won’t be much money lost if I don’t end up doing it.

July 16th, 2024, 12:39 pm

Another psychic moment. “$30,” I told Tom last night, and he looked at me quizzically. I said I didn’t know what it meant but it just popped into my mind. The next day, it turns out he got an AI training job that’s going to pay him $30. He has a week to do it, but he’ll likely finish it early tomorrow morning before I get up.

Yesterday was an easy date to remember since it was Linda Ronstadt’s birthday (she’s 78 now!), so I thought it would be a good day to start my next long trip from Finland to Greece. This way, I’ll remember when I started it. This trip is 2,194 miles long, so not quite as long as the last one. The only thing I have to be wary of is the fact that people are still experiencing crashing issues and losing their progress. So every five minutes or so, I’m going to get out of the app and then relaunch it. It sucks that they can’t solve this problem, but I’m sure they’re working on it. Anyway, I miss the excitement of aiming for borders. With short rides, you just do that ride, and while it may be fun, it’s over when you hit the finish line in just a day or two. I’m about 165 miles from Russia and will be going through 10 different countries: Finland, Russia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Slovakia, Hungary, Serbia, North Macedonia, and Greece.

Yesterday we put the sound-muffling foam in one of the bedroom windows. We’ve got tension rods coming to hold it back because it wants to buckle. You can see it’s kind of bowed out in some places. We won’t really know how much of a difference it makes until we do the other window, plus we’re going to add stuff to the exterior wall. It will be a little while before it’s done. We need to order more foam tiles because we decided to double up in the window we just did.

We went to the store yesterday and I splurged on caramel and Cheetos, and I woke up a little tired this morning. I’m asking myself if it’s because of the junk or the melatonin I took. Getting gum seems to help my combination of TMJ and eustachian tube issues. It’s still not completely better yet, but I’m working on it.

I feel so bad for Maria and her daughter. Her daughter’s ex had her two kids while she was working, and they were in a car accident. The daughter died, and the son is fighting for his life.

As for my own mental health, I’ve been doing extraordinarily well, and I really hope it stays that way! I may worry about the everyday things in life just like everyone else, but I haven’t had any significant anxiety or depression in a while now, and like I said, I really hope it stays that way. After suffering so much for so long, I really appreciate every blissful moment.

I had a dream that we lived in a house with a block wall close to the bedroom just like in Phoenix. There was a door off of the bedroom, and I spotted a bear over the block wall in the next yard. It didn’t look like a bear really looks like, but I knew it was a bear in the dream. I quickly shut the door and was worried it would push through it because it didn’t latch very easily. Then I ran to close another door that was off of some kind of porch in back.

In the next dream, I made some kind of craft and sent it to Mitch and Adonis. Adonis said he loved it. In real life, I sent him a message on the account in his real name, letting him know Facebook won’t let me add him there because I get a pop-up saying it looks like I may not know him, even though there’s a comment from me from 11 years ago that I can see. I guess Facebook’s memory just doesn’t go back that far.

The last dream wasn’t very good, although it wasn’t an all-out nightmare. I called Andy, who was thrilled to hear from me just as Tom was leaving to go back to work. Knowing he always hated working, I felt bad for him.

July 17th, 2024, 08:43 pm

I’m having a very cold and tired day. The weird thing is that I start off the first few hours of my day feeling cold—not every day, but enough days to worry me that my TSH is out of control. After I eat, I warm up a little, and even more so if I have a glass of wine.

I’m tired because I was up for a long time. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, so I hope I fall asleep on time tonight. I haven’t been able to remember my dreams for the last few nights, and it’s been a while since I’ve snored, as far as I know. So, I’m not sleeping too badly, just up for a long time. Who knows if part of the fatigue is tied to my thyroid or not? I still worry that I’ll have to increase my dose without knowing if it’s due to the gland dying some more or absorption issues. I have symptoms that say I’m hypo and others that say I’m not, but I would bet just about anything that my numbers aren’t good, as usual. Did something make me lose my gallbladder so I could have absorption issues, leaving me unable to get my TSH consistently in the single digits now that I’ve beaten most of the anxiety? I swear it’s like I’m not meant to have a good TSH! When the same thing keeps happening over and over, it’s hard to believe it’s all one big coincidence, but that still doesn’t mean I believe in God. I just don’t know what to think anymore.

It’s funny how those affected by Hurricane Beryl are praising God for giving them their electricity back, but they won’t hold Him accountable for allowing it to happen in the first place.

I just wish I knew what was wrong with my brain. I swear I’m demented at times. I made us burgers earlier, and I couldn’t keep things straight to save my life. I like my bun toasted, so I toasted one. But then, like an idiot, I put ketchup on what was going to be his burger, so he ended up with the toasted bun.

We had a nice thunderstorm earlier, which waited until I got up. My luck is going to run out soon, though, as I push onto nights.

Thanks to my shitty vision, I set the cross-stitching kit aside for now. It’s not only hard to see overall, but since the back of the canvas isn’t marked, it’s hard to see where I’m going when I poke the needle from back to front.

Surprisingly, there’s been nothing for a while from Andy regarding his weight. No more declarations of milestones reached or photos, and I’m wondering if maybe he hit a plateau. That’s what usually happens, and then the weight comes flying back.

I’ve been continuing to follow the post regarding the corner nut job. While I believe she should be evicted and made to live on her own, it kind of pisses me off that my complaints about barking and motorcycles weren’t “valid.” Your complaints and feelings only matter if most people can relate. Otherwise, no one gives a shit, and no one wants to hear it.

July 18th, 2024, 01:39 pm

The redneck shot a video of the side of Crazy Karen’s place that runs alongside his place, and OMG! There’s shit strewn about everywhere. According to him in a park post he made, she calls it her garden. Also, the homeless guy who lives with her bathes in the pool since they’ve had no running water for years. She gets her water from the clubhouse. Yeah, this is the shit people have to put up with when crazy is allowed to go unchecked. I feel for him and Julie. I really do. I’m so fucking glad we’re not next to that shit!

Also, I don’t blame the people who are appalled to have received complaints and even threats of eviction over the grass they pay for while they let this shit go on. It’s ridiculous!

When Tom brought back the ridiculous “plan” form he was given by a rude lady who snottily said that her husband had no problems growing grass, he talked to the new manager whose name is Sean and he was very apologetic, saying that because he was new there, the company was putting a lot of pressure on him. That may be true but I still don’t like being told what to do with stuff we pay for even if Tom likes to call it a “reminder” that they gave us, and then remind me that it’s what we agreed to when we signed the contract. Secondly, I don’t like the favoritism. Why should she be allowed to live like that simply because she’s crazy while the rest of us get reminders that are little more than friendly complaints?

July 19th, 2024, 05:17 pm

After being tired for a couple of days, I finally have a little more energy. Maybe I’ll dabble in some painting tonight. Latch-hooking kind of grew on me in the end, so I ordered a 2x5-foot roll of plain mesh, 6 colorful gradient skeins of yarn, and this really cool tool with a groove in the center that you wrap the yarn around and cut to make three-inch pieces of yarn for the rug.

I was too tired to hit the road last night, but I should get back on it tonight. I’ll be in Finland for quite a while before I reach Russia.

Mr. No Poop had gravel put down along the front of his place and even had a tree planted. I was never woken up by the trucks, so that’s good. Everyone surrounding us has gotten gravel, so it makes me wonder if Toni is next.

I’m taking a little break from wine because I think it’s affecting my brain. According to what I read, it can affect cognitive thinking in older adults. My reaction time has been slower, and I’ve just been totally senile, but I don’t seem to have that as much when I don’t drink, and of course, sleeping better helps too. When my Temu order gets closer, I’ll order some wine because I like to sip on it while watching a show and latch-hooking.

July 20th, 2024, 01:25 am

The ophthalmologist I started seeing has popped into my mind every single day for the last three or four days, and I had no idea why. He never made any kind of impression on me. He was a little slow, but just there. Not the least bit attractive, not funny looking, and nothing about his personality stood out. So why did he keep popping into my mind, I wondered and asked myself over and over. Then it hit me—thought transference. He’s likely thinking of me for some reason, and I’m picking up on those vibes. It makes no sense, though. As a fat, older, and now average-looking person, I can’t imagine why that would be the case, but that’s the only explanation I can come up with.

Back when I was falling for “Teddy Bear,” or at least thought I was, I remember writing that it was fun falling in love all over again. While we may have hit it off while I knew her, I realize I never truly loved her because I didn’t know her. I’ve loved many people in different ways throughout my life: my friends and those family members that I at least tried to love. But the only person I’ve ever really, truly loved is Tom. With or without him, I couldn’t imagine starting over again with anyone these days, no matter what I looked like and no matter what they looked like, female or male. To have to get to know someone all over again so well that I understand them even when they’re not communicating, and for them to get to know me well enough too (whether or not they’re capable of being smart enough to get me as Tom does) would be more of a pain than fun.

I read an article about how to tell if the FBI is surveilling you. One of the things it mentioned was any kind of static or popping sounds you may hear on your phone, and my mind immediately went back to Jesse’s trailer. However, most of this was in 2010 and earlier and probably started before I found and contacted a certain sicko, not that the FBI would be involved in that in the first place. Even though I know it was the horrid service we dealt with while we were there, I couldn’t help but remember all that static and how only I could hear it. I was talking to my parents one time and apologized for all the static and said it made it hard to hear them at times, and they said they didn’t hear it at all.

July 21st, 2024, 12:00 am

Good stuff going on. :-)

First, I’m definitely not as cold as I have been since I started taking the vitamins daily. However, I don’t want to push it, so I’m going to try taking them for two days, then taking a day off, and repeating that pattern and I hope for the best. This might be my best bet most of the time, but I still plan to step it up to every day about a week before the lab.

If Kathy ever reads this, I’m sure she won’t mind because I once asked her many years ago if she minded being mentioned in my journal. She said no because there were tons of Kathys out there. Besides, I don’t have anything negative to say.

So… I don’t know why, but she, a beautiful Mexican woman, was suggested to me on Facebook. Maybe because I looked her up a while back. Sometimes someone will pop into my mind, or I’ll read back in old journals, see a name, and then get curious as to what they might be up to these days.

Anyway, I sent Kathy a few audios saying hello and letting her know that Aly died. She sent me a friend request and a few messages in response. Aly and Kim were mutual friends, and she even knew Molly. She actually met Molly because they’re both from Texas. It turns out she stupidly gave Molly one last chance, wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, so that’s how she knew she had passed. She said Molly did the same things to her that she did to Aly and partly to me as well by demanding constant attention and pitching a fit if she didn’t return messages within minutes, even after giving birth to her son. She also expected her to solve her problems, mainly with others at the group home she’s still in. I guess she was whining about some guy stalking her, who was also a resident there, and Kathy kept telling her to take it up with those in charge.

I told Kathy that Kim was completely out of her mind and not allowed online. She said they exchanged postal letters years ago, and her handwriting was hard to read. It was written like a first grader, and she also sealed the envelope with tons of packing tape. I can totally picture this, and that’s exactly what Aly described too, LOL.

I said I would give her Kim’s email and that she could let her know she got it from me if she wanted, but she didn’t ask for it, so I didn’t offer. I also didn’t offer my blog link, but I’ll give it to her if she asks. I still prefer to keep things separate these days. To a degree, anyway.

So, she’s 42 now, and she and her husband, daughter, and son have been living in Oklahoma since 2018 to be closer to her husband’s family.

She developed diabetes and lost a lot of weight, but as I told her, I’m unable to lose weight, so I have to improvise and work around that by cutting sugar and carbs. I’ve been doing really well with that, too! I haven’t lost weight, of course, but hopefully, I won’t be borderline next time I go to the lab, but back to 5.something instead.

I didn’t get fat until my 40s, but it’s funny how before my 20s and during my 20s, I wanted to lose weight for the sake of appearance. In my 30s and 40s, I just didn’t give a shit. Now, in my 50s, I’m back to wishing I could lose weight for my blood sugar, cholesterol, and BP. But sometimes we just have to accept that there are some things in life we can’t change due to circumstances out of our control. I think—and I certainly hope—that cutting carbs and sugar down will be enough to help.

I love that Kathy is a good writer and seems pretty smart. It’s nice to be able to understand what I’m reading, but of course, she won’t do audios because you know how it is. Everyone’s afraid to leave their voice online. I sometimes talk-type, and other times I do audios.

I’m glad we reconnected. I really am. We acknowledge that we had our squabbles when we were in touch regularly between 2010 and 2012, but it’s ancient history. I know I usually have a very hard rule against being forgiving, but it was such petty shit that it’s so done and over with. No, I don’t think history will repeat itself because Kathy doesn’t have time to be a troll, working at Walmart and raising a 5 and 10-year-old. Websites aren’t set up the way they used to be. It’s so easy to block trolls now, which is why I’m much more open to online friendships. If things go wrong when it’s a neighbor or someone you have to work with, it can be a lot more awkward. But online, if someone pisses me off, I just cut them off. Even if they were to keep creating new accounts, there are still ways to block communication. I would never make all my blogs private on account of any troll like I used to, but I would close communication. I’ve already had to do it on a couple of sites due to spammers. No biggie.

Kathy gave me some good recipe ideas. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this, but mixing a little cream of mushroom with heavy cream and smothering hamburger patties in it would be a great idea. I still have meatballs but no cream of mushroom until tomorrow. I have heavy cream because I put it in my coffee. I do have some pizza sauce I could dress them up with, especially since these meatballs have a bit of a weird taste.

I stopped being able to remember my dreams, which kind of sucks. I slept better last time around, though. I woke up right before loud thunderclaps. My luck may run out tomorrow, though.

July 21st, 2024, 10:39 pm

OMG, I love AI! I noticed some duplicate entries on MD and was daunted by the task of checking thousands of titles. Then I asked AI to find duplicates after copying and pasting the titles into it, and it found them!

I slept mostly okay, but I’m still a little tired. When am I not? I’ve lost hope of regaining my old energy levels, especially if the doctor I’m seeing next month can’t help. I just hope it’s not chronic fatigue or something related to my thyroid because it seems impossible to normalize it.

I woke up briefly and decided it was too early to get up. I heard thunder but managed to go back to sleep. It never amounted to much. Right now, I can hear some thunder, but it’s not too loud, and Tom can sleep through anything.

I remember a second’s worth of a dream where I was waiting in the car while Tom went into a business to use their phone or his phone to call someone in a spot with better reception. It had to do with money or something important. After a while, I started to get out of the car when I spotted him by the building. He told me to get back in the car, and I sensed that whatever was going on wasn’t good.

Tom received $10 on the horse betting site and turned it into $100. Not bad!

I’ve never heard of auspicious cloud incense before and definitely want to try it sometime.

July 22nd, 2024, 02:20 am

So it isn’t just me. Kathy also looked up Molly, not to contact her, but out of curiosity, and hasn’t found any trace of her in years. More than likely, her online activity is now heavily restricted, just like Kim’s. I’m surprised it took Carol and those in charge of Molly so many years to realize they’d never change, but then it took me years to realize some people wouldn’t change as well. Sometimes the most obvious things take forever to sink in!

I really enjoy my chats with Kathy, and we seem to have a lot in common. It’s so nice to have a “head start” since we already know a bit about each other. It almost feels like there hasn’t been a 12-year gap. We’re just picking up where we left off, only we’re a little older and a little wiser now. I hope our friendship lasts, but if it doesn’t, I’m going to enjoy it while it does.

So Biden finally did the smart thing and dropped out of the race and endorsed Kamala. He’s just too old, was a worthless president, and is getting a little demented. Trump is no better, of course, and sadly, even though Kamala’s Black, she doesn’t stand a chance against Trump. I don’t think anyone in the world does at this point, no matter what their race or gender. He’s just too loved. Obama is the second most popular president, and this criminal is definitely the first. I just don’t get it. I honestly don’t.

Tom and I both wonder who she’s going to pick as a running mate. I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Probably some other non-white woman if I had to guess. I would take Kamala over Trump any day, but she definitely focuses more on her own kind.

July 22nd, 2024, 10:10 pm

Guess we’re going to get some “dirty rain” over the weekend as a dust cloud from the Sahara blows over the Atlantic.

We’re also going to get rained with even more migrants… as usual. Damn, do I wish we could put another ocean between us and Mexico! I’m so sick of the US being expected to solve the world’s problems for them. They’re coming here like crazy because they know it’s only a matter of time before Trump makes it harder for them. Why doesn’t Biden just stand at the border and hand out welfare benefits to them too?

Doc A went on a near 8-hour run over the weekend, and I told her I can’t believe there are humans that can do that. She said she once thought the same. She’s been training for years but had some injuries slow her down. Then she celebrated with a cold beer… yuck! LOL

I don’t remember any dreams before the thunder woke me up, but when I went back to sleep for a nap, I dreamed that Tom and I went to some kind of resort that we went to annually. The hotel had 8-10 floors, and I knew my way around the place well.

It was late in the afternoon, and he was napping in our room. I decided we hadn’t been taking advantage of the pool, so I got up and went down for a swim. I was a little dismayed to find it so crowded, especially with little kids. But a split second later, Tom was with me, and we had just enjoyed a swim together. The pool was indoors, yet when I threw our towels into a large basket, I missed and they ended up in a nearby bush that left a bunch of little thorns in them. Some of them got stuck in me as I went to pull one of them out. I told Tom that because of it, he shouldn’t bother trying to get the towel that ended up further back in the brush.

Apparently, not wearing the one-piece bathing suit I’ve been wearing as an older person, I looked down and noticed an oval-shaped bruise on the right side of my stomach. I knew it was because I punched myself in frustration. Something in that area was hurting and annoying the fuck out of me, so my solution was to punch it, LOL. I hoped that Tom wouldn’t notice.

July 23rd, 2024, 01:41 pm

Last night, a helicopter circled round and round for at least 45 minutes. I felt like I was back at the old place. Only this time, I was able to check and see it was a sheriff’s helicopter, probably looking for someone if it wasn’t an accident.

I knew a long time ago that Trump would be reelected because more and more people love him. But it seems like something up there is really determined to set the stage to get him reelected. First, he’s shot, and everyone feels sorry for him. Then, Biden gets Covid and can’t campaign. How convenient is that? Well, if there is anything up there, it’s definitely more bad than good. I get his stance on the heads and illegals, but that’s where it stops. Tom assures me that the president can only do so much, but they have a huge influence on those who can. Who do you think spearheaded the attack on women? He did by appointing conservative injustices. I just hope our rights aren’t trampled on next time around. It was very alarming to see because I know that if those rights can be snatched, just about any rights can be. Believe me when I say the attack on women and gays will carry on as soon as he’s back in. I only hope he doesn’t pull any moves that could affect us negatively.

If Kamala were to run, the only thing she would have in her favor is her color (I totally believe the first female president, whoever they are, will not be white). But America is so in love with, infatuated, and even obsessed with Trump that nobody can beat him at this point. Just like the North Koreans can’t beat Kim. It’s like the worse someone is, the more obsessed people become with them and the more support they get. I just don’t get it.

Given the conflicting information I’m getting between the two trackers I use to track my blog and the fact that Blogger’s own stats say I have a lot more views than what shows up on my reports, I wonder if people I know are looking in on me and trying to hide. I’m sure most of the views are just crawlers, but I still wonder. The only one I can think of who would be curious is Termite Tammy. But why is she so quiet about it if it’s her? Knowing how much she loves to troll, she’s got to have acquired amazing restraint if she’s been reading me at all.

July 24th, 2024, 01:42 pm

I’ve decided to start writing on Pillowfort again, only I’m starting from the present so that if Kathy ever does mention journaling and links, I can give her that one. This way she doesn’t read any nasty stuff from the past. Unless she, too, were to do a paid search on me—and I don’t see her doing that—she should never be aware of the other sites.

July 25th, 2024, 05:07 am

While I’m in a philosophical and analytical mood, I was thinking about how Kathy said she spanks her kids when she feels it’s necessary. Research and studies show that’s usually only a quick fix but a bad long-term solution as it can generate aggression, fear, and mistrust in the child. I can personally say that’s absolutely correct. I was a bully in the first few grades for a reason. Also, I remember how terrified I was to go home from school after having to wake my mother up to find the outfit she wanted me to wear that day and pissing the shit out of her. After I stupidly confided in my teacher, the teacher got the bright idea to send a fellow student to walk me home to keep me “safe.” As if that would do a damn bit of good. The fucking kid told her why the teacher asked him to walk me home, and I ended up getting it that afternoon.

On the other hand, even though I never met Kathy and I don’t know her as well as I knew Aly, she and my mother seem like two totally different people. My mother was a very austere, negative, controlling, and belittling person. I just can’t picture Kathy doing a lot of the things she did.

She did say another weird thing, though. When her daughter gets to be a little testy, she warns her that she’s playing a dangerous game of “fuck around and find out.” As in finding out what her punishment may be. Isn’t a 10-year-old a little young to be swearing at, though?

So, a wonderful mother? Yeah, mostly probably. But I have always detected a bit of an angry streak within her. This is just going by some of the posts she’s made and some of the memes she’s shared. She’s kind of defensive, but I can be defensive by nature as well. I’m small and I’m a woman, so I’ve got to be.

I’m still not sure how much stuff about Kathy I should share. Even if she doesn’t ask if I’m still journaling and for the link, how do I know she won’t get curious enough to do a paid search on me like Aly did? Well, she seems fairly intelligent, but I don’t know that she’s that curious about me personally. That’s another thing I’ve noticed about her. Aly would tell me about her day and then she would ask how mine went. She would also comment on my journals/stories as much as I commented on hers. She really cared about me, but when Kathy acknowledged that she was aware of Aly’s passing, she never said she was sorry or that it was too bad or anything: just that she knew about it. I’ve asked her many questions about her family, friends, home life, and work, but she hasn’t asked me very many questions in return. So despite the lack of interest, I guess I’ll keep the Kathy talk private unless it’s generic stuff because why offend someone needlessly?

Scratch that. My journal, my choice. Yes, I risk her finding it, getting pissed, and dumping me, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take unless someone specifically asks to be excluded from it. Maybe I’ll compromise and post things long enough for my regulars to see it and then delete it.

I like that she’s willing to do audios, and she’s got a great speaking voice too.

Either way, why is it always me to reach out? When oh when is someone sane and smart going to think to look me up first?

Beauty may be a subjective thing, but what did Andy ever see in Stevie Nicks? She’s so ordinary-looking. The bulk of his posts are Stevie and God-related, as usual. Well, some nice paintings are mixed in too.

I’ll always love the guy, but even if he didn’t frustrate me by believing everyone’s a liar and if he could remember the things I told him, what do we have in common except for some past funny memories? I don’t think we’ve had much in common for the past 25 years or so, but hey, to each their own.

Vegging out in bed, talk-typing this entry with my phone in its new holder. The neck doesn’t move as easily as I thought it would, but it’s still a really nice thing to have. It’s definitely easier not needing to hold the phone. It does bounce a bit when I tap it, though.

Love my new lipstick too, and my new mug even more. Even Tom thinks the mug is really cool. Definitely want to get more sometime!

The mixer works well, and since I don’t do shakes often, I can’t wait to at least get some eggs and make scrambled eggs with it.

The only thing I don’t like is the patchouli incense. It doesn’t smell the least bit like patchouli.

My second package comes today with the rug-making stuff.

We had a storm earlier, but the loudest one, luckily, was after I got up. Even though nothing woke me up, I still woke up tired. Ironically, it comes after a cheat day. We went out to Walgreens yesterday, and I got a few caramel chews and we got a bag of Cheetos to share.

Another abortion ban is to go into effect, but again, they’ll just go to other states or have the abortion pill mailed to them. If they can’t get it mailed directly to them, they’ll just have someone else do it. I don’t know what it is they think they’re accomplishing other than, at worst, inconveniencing women. It’s all about using religious delusions as a means of control. I wonder if they’re trying to raise the birth rate too, which has been falling steadily for decades now. As if we need more people in the world!

Tom and I were talking about the US in general, and we’re both so stunned by how much it’s stepping back into the Dark Ages as the right-wing cancer creeps further into the country and the Democrats accomplish absolutely nothing. Whenever I used to think of this country, I would think of it in modern terms, being so advanced socially, technically, and in other ways. But it’s not. Maybe it once was, but it certainly isn’t now.

What floors me is that there are so many more people like me than there are extremists, yet the extremists are so powerful that it’s like the rest of us are powerless to fight back against them. There are so many obvious wrongs in the world that people just don’t seem interested in righting. Any idiot with half a brain can see that it’s wrong for insurance companies or politicians to make our medical decisions for us and not us and our doctors, yet no one does a damn thing about it.

July 26th, 2024, 03:03 am

The Wallace and Gromit golf course was released. I guess it’s based on a British animated comedy. It’s not bad, and I already found 7 hidden golf balls.

Again with the fatigue, even though I thought I slept okay. I woke up a few times, once to pee, but I still basically slept okay. I had no sugary treats yesterday, just a handful of leftover Cheetos. It’s a little hard to believe that that was enough to affect today’s energy levels. Besides my thyroid, something else must be going on. Maybe sleep apnea is more of a factor than I gave it credit for.

I envy Doc A’s energy and ability to constantly be on the go. I wouldn’t want her life, never being home with free time to relax and do my hobbies, but I definitely wish I could be active every day and out there at least most days doing something. Hell, I just wish I could feel more awake sitting here at my computer!

I didn’t finish this entry because I took a 90-minute nap and then made something to eat. Not much more to say other than that Andy said some weird stuff about praying to God to let the blood of the lamb save him from COVID. Then, when he finally got it, it turned out to be a little more than a mild cold. Yeah, whatever, dude. My husband and I never prayed, and we never got it. Hopefully, it stays that way!

July 27th, 2024, 03:48 am

I’m so glad my husband is a genius! I always knew there were likely multiple culprits stealing my energy, but he may have a point when he mentions not only sugar but additives in food being part of my problem. It does seem whenever I eat less healthy, I’m more tired. During those few weeks when I was determined to eat healthier, I had more energy. So now, I’m going to make sure to read the ingredients on everything. I read that it can take a few days to bounce back too, which is why I was tired for a few days. No wonder I was so damn tired in the hotels! It’s definitely not as convenient to eat healthy when you’re on vacation or moving.

I think a new list on Walmart’s site is in order, where I weed out all the frozen dinners and crap like that. Fortunately for me, I was raised the opposite of Tom, and I do prefer healthier stuff anyway. All he’s ever known is junk food, so he can’t imagine it any other way. Unfortunately, he’ll probably never lose weight because of it, but that’s just the way it is.

I swapped messages with Jessie and Kathy and I’ve been enjoying latch-hooking with my new colorful yarn. This yarn is thinner than the other yarn I was working with to make the heart rug but still looks good. It’s actually easier to work with. The mesh isn’t as big as I thought it would be, but it’s also much easier to work with. It’s something like 16x16 inches, and the way they folded it left distinct quadrants, each of which I’m going to do with a different color yarn. Each skein has multiple colors, actually.

I only remember a couple of quick dreams last night. Termite Tammy was telling me that Dad got his own apartment in Georgia for a while during the decade I wasn’t talking to them because he finally got fed up with Mom’s shit. Then she said she was mistaken by saying it was in Georgia. He supposedly moved to a town called Syria in northern Florida that doesn’t exist in real life.

In another dream, Tom and I were lying in bed in a two-story house and I was asking him what those strange bumps and bangs were we were hearing because it reminded me of living attached to others. Then I got up and started sorting rocks on the floor of the upper hallway that wrapped around the staircase leading downward.

July 28th, 2024, 04:15 am

I’m 7% through my ride and just entered Russia from Finland. It’s going to be a while before I reach Latvia.

I had okay energy yesterday, but today I’m not as energetic. I don’t feel horribly tired, but I definitely feel hopeless about ever restoring my energy to how it used to be before reaching my 50s.

I tried to return to Bowflexing yesterday but couldn’t because my shoulder is messed up. It’s a problem I’ve had on and off, and it seems that whenever I put stress on it, it acts up on me. I don’t know if the problem is ever going to heal. I suspect it could be something with the rotator cuff.

I did go out and walk around the block to the tune of three different planes along the way. Between one plane after another and the weekend motorcycle revving games, it was a little annoying. I’m sure today will be the same. It’s quiet now, but it usually is in the middle of the night. I heard a couple of helicopters in the distance, and that’s it. It’s so quiet now that I hear that low-pitched head hum. It’s just a weird form of tinnitus I’ve developed, but fortunately, it literally has to be dead quiet for me to notice it.

I made scrambled eggs with the new mixer, and they came out delicious. I took a glass, dropped a few eggs into it, sprinkled it with garlic salt, dropped in a butter ball, and added a little bit of heavy cream before I mixed it, and it was great.

I had a dream that my hair was really long again like it was in 2008, but it was kind of dry and frizzy. I was talking with some woman about trimming it.

July 29th, 2024, 09:06 am

Looks like we might have a snake burrowing in front of our place. I had no idea snakes could dig like that, but he found a pile of dirt at the side of the driveway, and based on the groove in the dirt, we’re guessing it’s a snake. We checked the camera, but we couldn’t find what made the hole. We’re fine with it as long as it isn’t poisonous. We looked up what kinds of snakes burrow in this area, and they don’t seem to be the venomous type. We’re thinking it’s a Florida pine snake.

Yesterday I ended up getting hit with really heavy fatigue that eventually backed off later in the day. I started to think his theory was a bust until I remembered that I did have a frozen dinner the day before. Fortunately, the rice/quinoa cup I had yesterday hasn’t left me tired today. It’s a bit carby, but it makes me feel like I had a full meal if I add it to fish and veggies. A fish fillet is hardly filling, but I’m okay with just veggies when I have chicken or beef.

I also read that dairy and red meat can suck the energy out of you. So tomorrow, when I have a beef patty, we’ll see how I feel the next day. Hopefully, I can keep narrowing down what foods and drinks are a problem. Believe it or not, the sparkling water I had could be a problem. Things definitely change with age and affect us in ways they didn’t when we were younger! So I’m checking ingredients quite often these days.

Anyone with straight, thin hair who says they want thick, curly hair doesn’t realize just how hard it is to care for. It’s not that long yet it’s a bitch to brush out, so I’m going to try these hair treatments that come in capsules that you twist off and then pour on your hands and rub into your hair.

Tom found a great deal on wall tiles, so he grabbed some for $40 to do the exterior wall with in the bedroom.

July 30th, 2024, 11:59 am

I’m glad Andy doesn’t read my journal because he’s always been a bit fragile and I know this would hurt his feelings, but I am definitely not going to be looking in on his wall anymore. Same old stuff. God, Stevie, paintings, God, Stevie, paintings… To each their own, but while the paintings are nice, he can keep his delusions and immature celebrity infatuation that most of us outgrow in our twenties.

Speaking of celebrities, I saw an old movie with Jennifer Lopez in it. She was my kind of hottie back then, famous or not.

I’m a bit tired and I’m not sure if it’s because I had bread yesterday to make peanut butter toast with (I got so hungry at the end of my day for some reason and this was a convenient thing to have), because I took melatonin, because I woke up a lot, or all of the above.

The more I think about it and the more research I do, the more I’m convinced I don’t have sleep apnea and that my problem is caused by too many years of nasal spray use. It can cause a collapsed septum which I think is responsible for the snoring I’ve been doing. My throat structure has always been what it is and I’ve only gained a pound or two since coming here so I can’t believe it’s connected to my weight. Besides, I’m not that big. I’m kind of stuck in a catch-22 because stopping the spray means my nose is less stuffy and dried out, but the congestion then builds up in my head which causes problems with the eustachian tube in my bad ear, so I’ll have to find some other form of decongestant, preferably one that won’t leave me drowsy. If I can’t figure it out on my own, then I might have to begin the work of trying to get into an ENT.

We found out exactly what’s been burrowing at the side of the driveway, and the snake would have been the better deal. Tom noticed more digging activity and I could hear this weird sound coming and going. Well, they’re cicada-killer wasps! He flooded the hole to see what, if anything, might come up and something sure did. When I first saw what seemed like a humongous wasp, my first thought was that it was one of those killer wasps that was invading certain areas of the country and I went to run indoors, not knowing if a million more of them were going to erupt from the ground. In my panic, I fumbled with the lock code.

We immediately got to work researching and learned it’s almost certainly cicada-killer wasps which are deadly to cicadas but not humans. Still, hundreds of flying things with stingers is nothing I want to deal with so he’s been spraying the ground and today he got a special powder for wasps, ants, and similar insects. It can take a couple of weeks for the eggs to hatch and then another couple of weeks for the new wasps to emerge from the ground, so we’re going to be treating it for the next month to make sure they never make it up. He filled in the hole with dirt and it rained which helped pack it in and push the poison down, so more than likely they’re already trapped down there. The females don’t have stingers so the males fly around the opening to protect it. With any luck the female and the eggs are dead. It should storm again later and help pack it in even more.

We picked out an outdoor bench for in back. I’ll listen to music through my headphones on days when the planes fly by every few minutes, which is most days, unfortunately. I want to get about 10 minutes of sun every day that I can. It was $45 and is made of a combination of metal and plastic. It looks like it will also be easy enough to stand on its side if we need to throw it in the storeroom in the event of a cane. Funny how they said this was going to be such an active hurricane season, yet the only serious one we’ve had was Beryl. It’s still a bit early in the season, though.

I also saw a video on how to propagate lucky bamboo, so we’ll see if I have any luck with that.