I was on Facebook just recently(always a bad idea) and I saw my old friend with her new baby. I saw a classmate of mine that’s married and having a baby soon. She’s heavily pregnant. I see others have graduated college. Everyone looks like they’re having a good time.
I end up thinking about my own self and my accomplishments. I’m nearing 24 without a driver’s license. I’m supposed to take the test around early next year. Why so late? I wanted to be overprepared instead of underprepared.
Also I figured I would try to get on the freeway earlier rather than later after my license in case they will make me get on the freeway during the test. And when I take the test it won’t feel so overwhelming.
Earlier this year I started up a YouTube channel and also voice acting. I’m not getting paid quite yet but I consider myself a voice actress even without payment. I worked really really hard.
The YouTube channel is also related to the voiceovers and gains around 100 subs a week. Or 400 a month at the moment.
There’s a huge learning curve with YouTube and voiceover and mic setup and all that good stuff.
I also graduate and take the CPC exam in November so I can be a medical coder while working towards my dreams. It’s a very flexible and stable job.
And overall I just sometimes look at everything else everyone is doing and compare.
I just feel kinda behind because I don’t have a license and also I still live at home because I’m saving up.
I decided I would miss my family and so the idea of staying home for as long as I can didn’t seem bad. I get to savour my time here with my family even tho they drive me crazy. And so when I move out I’ll hopefully have less regrets.
I just feel disappointed in myself sometimes.
Like I should be doing more. So many of my friends are getting married or having babies.
And I want children really bad. I’ve suffered a lot from a stillbirth I had a few years ago. Being a mother is my dream. I think about it and also my own baby I lost at least once every two days. I would say not a day goes by where I don’t think about babies.
But I also want a modeling career and babies and modeling don’t mix…
I’ve been working on my body while I get my license and practice my parking(my parking is the real thing that sucks).
I have a loving partner and in-laws who are wonderful. I spend a lot of time with my partner too. And we go out(maybe not as much because he’s now going to school full-time)
And so there’s also a lot of pressure for me to get a job once graduated. Pressure I put on myself. I have high expectations for myself.
And maybe that makes things harder
I just feel like I’m constantly in a race and everyone on Facebook looks like they’re doing major things in life
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