Life update in Attempting to journal

Wow I didn’t realise it had been 8 months since I last tried to journal. That makes it easier because usually I struggle to know what to say to a faceless computer but so much has happened. We did go to camp, I’m glad I got the roadside assistance because it was very reassuring to have even though we didn’t use it. We did however have major vehicle issues. We got to camp ok, and the van sat quiet for the week, used only occasionally to run into the nearest town. However when I tried to leave, it was dead, but making an odd clucking noise and all the light up stuff on the panel was flashing with the fast clicks. A friend pulled a fuse out and it reset, we charged the battery and got home fine. No one knew what was wrong. Then fast forward to October and it happens again, but this time it happens 3 different times in the space of a week. Thankfully God was right there providing for me again. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I’m a disabled single mom of 3, 2 are adults trying to launch and 1 teen. I have no money for a new car or repairs. I was an emotional wreck. I spoke to my ladies bible study about it, and to my divorcecare group and we all prayed about it. Next day a woman calls me and says that her boss had a client who needed to get rid a good working van and did she know someone who could use it? She replied that she did and just like that, I have a new to me van. They had it inspected before giving it away, and the only thing was a suspected oil leak. I have since confirmed it does have an oil leak, but I have plans to be able to repair that. My oldest daughter, whom I mentioned in a previous post that had suffered a miscarriage and then gone back to where she was living, came home for Christmas. Where she was living was such a terrible situation, abusive adults, lice and roaches, she couldn’t get a job, it was bad. So she stayed with me, we got rid of her lice, got her physically better because she was ill from not having enough food or good quality food. We had a good christmas, then she found out cannabis helps her PTSD at night. She decided she could also use cannabis pens to help ditch her addiction to nicotine vape. This was a BAD IDEA. She was doing OK, had finally gotten a job and had a room at someone else’s home until she could save up enough to rent a place of her own. Then she slid into cannabis-induced- psychosis ( I’ll refer to this as CIP going forward for ease). The hospital said it was a perfect storm of CIP, made worse by nicotine withdrawals and ptsd, as well as undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks. It was so hard to see, at one point she was child like saying ” mommy, if you come with me they might let me go outside for a few minutes, mommy can you take me outside please?” Another time she was convinced she was pregnant and they weren’t telling her the truth. For 2 days before we took her to the hospital she fought with me, threatened to cut me out of her life. I think this was the most painful thing I’ve been through. And I’ve been through a lot. But in the other stuff, I still had the knowledge, no matter how small, how unreachable it felt, how unrealistic, I still had the thought that I could still figure out a way to get out, to stop it, even if that thought was suicide. I have NEVER felt more helpless in my entire life than when my baby was going through that. Even with my ex husband, once I knew what was happening, I could make it go away. I sent him to jail. I couldn’t make this go away. I couldn’t even take my baby outside for a walk. She is doing better now. She is out, she has medication. She beat the odds. I ready so many studies. Not articles, actual scientific studies on it. This should be more well known! 50% of people who experience CIP come out with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, 36% come out with a new diagnosis of other mental health disorders that were not previously evident. One study studied how the brain looks pre and post and found that a shocking amount of those patients had changes in their brain similar to what you see in schizophrenia patients that were not there before! I am an advocate of weed, I always have been. But like anything we put in our bodies, it needs to be done with full transparency. We need to know these risks and some of the studies I read date back to 1979 so it’s not like those in power don’t know, they just don’t make it known. The drug industry is too profitable, especially with the push to legalize it. Anyway, mini rant over, she is doing better, she is living with relatives, just got a job and hopefully on her way to being on her feet. This is getting long, so I’ll stop for now. If you got this far, thanks!