Heyo!
I made it to Mom and Dad’s and I’m already into Night #2 of my 15 nights stay here in Small Town, ‘Murica. In case you didn’t realize, I love my mom and dad, but I kinda loathe where they live.
This is a BLAZING red town in a somewhat FLAMING RED state if that tells you anything. It’s also a lake town and that means weekenders with big trucks and gargantuan boats and lots of beer and loud, loud country music.
Don’t get me wrong, I like a little country music, but this is whisky-drunk, slurring, shotgun shootin’ kinda stuff. And I will be here over the 4th of July, which is the worst of the worst of the worst…
The neighborhood is filled with weekender homes - some of them stately and gorgeous with giant …what are they called? Launch pads/docks out back and big boats, sea-do thingies, kayaks, canoes and other watercraft connected by ropes and pulleys. But there are also crazy run-down meth labs in this same neighborhood. And pit bulls and rottweilers out running in the streets with no owners to be found, so I can’t walk Martini and/or George (mom and dad’s dog) in this neighborhood at all. SAD!
Mom and Dad’s house is a thing to behold. It is a modest yet pretty, gingerbread-y house with a white picket fence and wrap-around porches. It sits off the lake and there’s no lake view at all, but it is on a 5-lot plot of land full of beautiful trees and looks over a rolling hill.
It was lovingly hand-crafted by the couple who lived here before mom and dad bought it and moved in 25 years ago. This couple literally built this place themselves and were super industrious, bringing in hand-carved wood from various parts of the country, stained glass windows and they even hand-set a mosaic sundial out back next to the tiny house (400 sq ft) they lived in while they built the main house.
You may remember me mentioning that a couple of years ago, mom and dad decided to invite my brother and SIL and niece to move into the main part of the house while they added on a little “granny” suite (tiny apartment) that they could live in as this house became too much for them. There, they live an incredibly minimalist life while still being connected to the main part of the house where they come and have dinners, do laundry and hang with the fam.
I’m grateful that my bro and SIL have been accommodating, but they have also taken advantage of the situation. They are living in this house rent-free and don’t do a whole lot to help my parents out, but that is starting to change as my parents age and decline.
They are on a steady decline now.
So I’m essentially parentsitting for the next two weeks while my bro and his family go back to see my SIL’s family in China.
I’m staying in the main part of the house (my brother and SIL’s part), and I am trying to get it into a state where I do not feel like I’m staying in utter chaos.
To put it lightly, my bro and his family live in…well, chaos. I don’t know any other way to put it. I arrived to what I could tell was an attempt to somewhat de-hoard, but it was still like a hurricane hit - my niece’s SHIT was EVERYWHERE. They let this 8-year-old child throw her stuff anywhere it lands. And my SIL is no better. The kitchen is an utter clusterfuck. Not a single pot has a lid that fits; not a single dish or glass matches; nothing makes sense except for the few things that were literally grandfathered in from my parents’ era.
It broke my heart to walk into what was once mom and dad’s bedroom suite. My SIL has taken that space over and it is a fucking disaster area. Other than the bed being made by some miracle, the rest of the place seems to have been hit by a tornado, maybe? That’s the only thing I can think of. But then, I don’t think a tornado leaves toothpaste spit chunks in the sink before it goes on a long trip overseas?
I had a brief discussion with my parents about it today because I can’t live like this for two whole weeks. I’d already taken piles and piles of books, crinkled old school papers, discarded mail, nail polish, dinosaurs and LOL Dolls off of all of the end table surfaces and started to make neater piles in the book cases (my brother is the most voracious reader I’ve ever known and if he could cover every inch of wall with bookcases he would, and he is well on the way to doing just that). Anyway, I told them that I’m moving a few things around so that I can FOCUS while I work. I can’t concentrate when there’s clutter anywhere near me.
And I will say that to my brother’s credit, he cleaned the guest bedroom up VERY WELL for me. He sleeps in that room, and I can understand why. I don’t know how anyone could sleep…or even breathe…near the primary disaster zone/bedroom. There are two french doors that will remain closed the entirety of my stay. I have no need to be in there anyway.
But back to my brother’s part in cleaning a space for me. He spot-cleaned the guest bedroom and the bathroom next to it so I could actually sleep. He is a germaphobe, so HOW he can stand to live with these slobs (one of them being his own offspring), I don’t know! But he did a fantastic job of cleaning and organizing those rooms - even leaving me most of the closet and all of the bathroom countertop for my things! Amazing.
And yeah, I talked to my parents about it all. I told them I just couldn’t bear the thought of them seeing the home they so lovingly organized and decorated torn to shreds like this and apologized for my fucking sister-in-law and especially the fact that my brother and SIL are allowing their own spawn to throw anything and everything into the air whenever she wants and just leaves things where they fall - for NOBODY to come and pick them up!!
What they replied was just wild to me, and I hope that maybe someday I can become this zen:
My dad answered that he knows that it’s a horrible mess, but that he just doesn’t let it bother him. He knows that this family lives a life of absolute and utter chaos and like they have nothing under control, but it’s fine. Really.
He said, it’s messy, sure. But they are not destroying the home like random tenants might. He said they are not punching holes through the walls and taking doors off hinges and smoking and having crazy parties.
And mom just sat there and agreed.
They said they come up for dinners and don’t look at the mess. They are fine.
Damn.
I’m glad and relieved that they feel that way, even though it feels super disrespectful to me that my bro and SIL have been given such a gift and they treat it so poorly.
I’m still not going to look the other way regardless of my parents’ thoughts about it. I’m not going to rearrange the house or throw anything away, mind you, but I’m going to declutter a little more to make myself comfortable. I’ve already got a good start.
I have sooooo much more to say about my stay and will have plenty of time to do it, but I need to get to bed now. It’s well past my bedtime and I have tons of work to do tomorrow AND I need to take mom to a doc appointment in the middle of the day as well (another story for another entry), so will close for now.
I feel better for writing this out, but man. I wish you could see this.
Until later,
GS
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