Went to see my mom yesterday (Saturday, the day before Mother’s Day) because it was supposed to be horribly stormy with hail and flooding and disasters all the way there and back today. I’m sooooo glad I went yesterday because today, indeed, did suck weather-wise.
My poor mom is really starting to fade. You know it’s been nearly a year since the pulmonary embolism nearly took her out and I can’t believe she’s even gotten this far. It’s been a year since we celebrated my parents’ 60th wedding anniversary. It’s blowing my mind that we’ve actually had this much time together over the last few years. I mean, getting through the pandemic with them both still intact was a miracle in and of itself.
But yesterday was VERY noticeable. The whole family went out to lunch at this cute restaurant on the lake that’s easy for us all to get to. Mom sat on the end and sort of stared off into the water most of our lunch. I’d gotten us both these really pretty matching bracelets and she’d shift back and forth from looking at the water to looking at the bracelet and back to me, but didn’t really participate in the conversation.
The conversation was all about the fact that my bro, SIL and niece are finally going back to China over the summer (where my SIL is from and where my niece was born). They haven’t been back in seven years and they really need to see that side of the family. But because they live with Mom and Dad and my brother made a promise that he’d be there for them, clearly we needed to have a discussion because Mom and Dad can’t be left alone anymore.
See where this is going?
So they told me that they wanted to leave for the whole summer break (my bro is a teacher and has two months off), so they were asking me to come stay for those two months. I said absolutely NOT. Sure, I work remotely, but I have to have a home base/office with storage for samples, etc. And sure, if worse came to worse, I could do it, but instead (after a little bit of a heated moment for a bit…I am so emotional about this), I offered up two weeks, which I think is actually more than my brother expected because he knows I hate staying there.
So there. I’ll be staying with my mom and dad at their place for two weeks over the summer (likely mid to end of June) and likely doing a little commuting back and forth during that time, depending on work. It’s kind of a lot, but it needs to be done because they have doc appointments and they NEED someone with them at all times now…even though they INSIST that they don’t. They do.
My mom can’t get a lot of words out anymore. And the other day my dad said she didn’t remember how to sign her own name.
They are both fall risks, and they are both slow as molasses, but they can otherwise take care of themselves with regards to hygiene and eating and getting around, etc. They still go to church and they still sometimes go out to eat and dad still cooks things for breakfast and lunch and sometimes dinner, but I can imagine I’ll be taking care of a lot while I’m there.
It’s hard to watch this, but I know I have to do it. This is part of life and I’m in a position to do this, and honestly, it’s my honor even though I have suuuuuch mixed feelings. I will do my best to make the most of this time and try to make us all comfortable.
Here we go.
Today has been a very depressing, dark day weather-wise, so I let myself sleep in and then found a vegan bakery since I’ll be seeing my big boss tomorrow and needed to get some treats for an after-work thing and he is vegan and fucking picky.
I started the phase that comes after 75 Hard. I’ll have to write more about that because I’ve made daily journaling another one of my daily tasks…hooray! You’ll be hearing much more about that, I’m sure!
So happy Sunday everyone. I hope y’all celebrated Mother’s Day in the ways that feel best to you ❤️
xo,
GS
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