Nobody tells you that becoming a parent automatically deactivates your bullshit-o-meter.
There are many ways in which parenting changes you that you can see coming like being able to function on less than 4 hours sleep, having to reject every facebook event invite that gives less than a months notice, vac-packing all your designer clothes because there’s no point kidding yourself that you’re going to make it through the day as pristine as you started but being unable to detect bullshit was a change I just didn’t see coming.
I have a friend, let’s call her Jane, who had a baby the same time I did. You could never accuse Jane of being cynical in fact she could be endearingly naive at times but she didn’t suffer fools and she could detect a bullshit line a mile off. Now Jane is a proud mummy and she believes everything anyone has to say about her child. ‘ oh your child is so clever, oh your child is so advanced, oh your child is a genius’ Yes these things are lovely to hear but let’s face it, they’re bullshit. Walking at 12 months doesn’t mean your kid’s a genius it means they’re a normal baby developing the way that most babies do. What Jane doesn’t seem to understand is that health visitors / midwives / crèche workers say that to everybody. I made the mistake of jovially pointing out that the health visitors had said that to everyone I knew with babies which obviously meant I’m a cold mother, an unsupportive friend and consequently an uninvited guest to precious genius’s 1st birthday party.
I don’t understand it, why was her bullshit-o-meter deactivated yet mine remains in fully working order and why is it suddenly bad form to use it? I love hearing how my child is the most beautiful and smart and pleasant but I’m under no illusion that these are absolute truths I know for a fact the same people have said the same things about a dozen other babies that week so I take the compliment and move on, I don’t then save these up as substantiated facts to use as ammunition when I’m feeling threatened or insecure about my parenting style.
Jane used to be fun, interesting and bouncy but now everything is one track minded if you don’t have a kid you couldn’t possibly understand the pressures of her life and if you do you must accept that your baby can’t possibly be the most advanced because the midwife told her first. There are aspects of my life that have changed significantly but I’m still the same person at the core and I’m still going to call it like I see it, I just might have a few less friends at the end of it.
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