This is the second day of my new med, Zoloft.
Yesterday after taking that first dose I felt strangely high. When I rode my Harley I felt slightly wobbley, unstable. I was off in leaning into curves, and had difficulty tracking a straight line, I tended to drift to the right.
At work, nothing seemed to bother me even as the other three fellows in the office started arguing over religion, sexual orientation and politics. It got very heated and loud. Normally things like that really fuck with me because of the PTSD. Growing up I lived a house filled with rage, arguements and fights. There was nothing but tension, walking on egg shells, waiting on the next explosion of anger filled words.
It was actually nice to be able to not have it bother me.
Even facing the Boss was tolerable.
I talked to Deb about this, but she claims that the med could not possibly be doing this as it was the first dose, not having enough time to get in my system and start working.
I know at this time, 10:57am, have had the second dose in for about 90 minutes and I do feel a difference than when I first awakened.
I feel slightly euphoric, a slight rush, almost like taking a Hydrocodone. I have a bit more energy and drive as I have already been out and detailed out my Harley in hopes of going to a ride and bike show today.
Deb bought a new smart phone the other day, an LG. She was really stoked about it and all it would do.
But.....
Last night she sat on the sofa tinkering with it and got very, very mad and angry. She could not get it to connect to our wireless router, she could not get her password or e-mail to work. Essentially she just had a rather expensive phone in her hands.
After she tossed it away from her on the sofa I picked it up and tried getting it to work or log on, but I had no sucess as I am not sure of her screen name and password and dare not ask as she tend gets mad because I may possibly be able to do something she has failed at. Then it is trying to show her and it is madness as she questions and questions and wants to know why and how instead of just accepting and going forward. I am a horrid teacher.
So last night she storms off to bed mad and pissed and treating me, or rather me feeling like it was my fault. I allowed her to make me feel as if this was all my blame. I did not tell her or recommend her getting the new phone as I know we are both technologically challeneged. Mandy was the one who convienced her to go this route and I told her to call Mandy and set up some time for toturing on how to use this machine. I do not know if this will happen or not.
So I ended up staying up late, watching “Gravity”. When I finally went to bed I was hurt. Of course shewas up there reading her book. I allowed myself to feel that it was her way to avoid me.
I finally curled up on my side facing away from her and I went to sleep. Only words she spoke to me was to ask where the dog was as even Maggie avoided us and slept downstairs.
This morning she is typically sleeping late.
I know not what lays in wait for me today.
I just hope I can handle it.
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