Day 1 in Life

My niece and nephew love him.
He would make such a good father.
He brings joy and silliness to their lives and doesn’t worry about what other people think.
While i sit here on the sidelines not brave enough in public to put my swimmers on and go in the refreshing water.
Fertility is a cruel beast for some people. I would say I never thought I would be one of those people…. But does anyone?
6 rounds of IVF over the past 5 years.
Turned 40 a couple of weeks ago and I’m scared.
Scared that one thing I always wanted
Not money or career
Or big houses and fancy holidays
Just a family to call my own.
I was in therapy for many years but my therapist retired and I have been going it alone for around 18 months.
Maybe I need to write as an outlet. Get the thoughts out of my head that always seem to circle and eat away at me.