An Entry for Keith Friday, November 12, 2004
To: HouseofStone
I have so many things to say and most of them I want to scream. I want so bad to grab on to you and shake you. I want the answer to so many questions. However, mostly I want you to feel exactly how it feels to see someone you love look the other way. I want you to know how it feels to confess love to someone and have them run away from you. I want you to feel what it feels like to see the one you love walk away from you, create a new life, and start a new family with out you.
I am not mad at you in anyway. I don't hate you. However, you must understand that I did love you for four years. I wanted to be with you. I tried so hard to make you want me the same. I wanted us to get married, buy a house, and then have children. I was so in love with you I was willing to love you against my family's wishes. I was willing to take the heat from my parents just to be with you. I loved you. I did everything I could for you. I remembered you when you birthday was here and Christmas. I waited for your phone calls. I dropped my friends for you so that you could come see me. (even though 50% of the time you never showed up) I never questioned your phone calls with other women (even though I should have) I trusted you. (even though I shouldn't have) I offered to help you in anyway I could. There were a couple of times I let you borrow money. I gave and I gave and I gave. Over and over I tried and tried to show you how much I cared. I never gave up. Even when you went weeks with out calling me, I still forgave you and picked up the phone when you called and swallowed my pride. I basically let you walk all over me. Why? Why did I do that for you? I LOVED YOU. I loved you more than I loved myself. I loved the way you made me feel. I loved the way you made me laugh. I loved the way you made me argue with you! I wanted to live with you. I wanted you so much that I couldn't sleep at nights. Everytime you went and saw you "AUNT" I cried at night. I knew you weren't with you aunt. I told you Keith, I am not stupid. I was just very forgiving. I was forgiving for four years. Then you made your biggest mistake. You made the mistake that killed all feelings I had for you. You left me and didn't say goodbye. You just left. It was that moment you walked out of my life. That told me with out a doubt that you really didn't love me. You left me for her, got her pregnant, and started a new life. There was/is no room for me in that picture.
So that's it. It's done. You have your family. I remain looking. You have Natasha. And I swear to GOD... Realize how lucky you are. You say you can't love Tari, but I think you can. Look at what she gave you. She gave you a life! What did you lose?
Me. That's it. Nothing more. You never really wanted me anyway. If you did, we'd be married with a child of our own. There was nothing stopping you from taking me. I was 100% ready, willing, and able to have your love back. But, I remember the day I told you that I loved you. I remember your facial expression, and your action. You ran away from me. LEFT MY HOUSE. You just left me standing there wondering what I had done wrong to make you not love me. One year later, you are a father with some other woman. Everything you do in life has a consequence.
I have to say this though. The amount that I loved you was dangerous. I loved you so much that I was blind to everything else and everyone else. I have NEVER in my life loved another man as much as I loved you. I don't believe I will ever love another man that much. And being that I loved you that much, I wouldn't be surprised if I still have a little love for you inside me somewhere. I wouldn't even say that I could guarentee that you and I don't ever get back together. However, I know you wouldn't ever leave your baby girl for me. Would you?
I didn't think so.
Hoping for some sort of reply from you....
Her
Leave a Note
sorry this took som long but i still dont have a comp at home andi work 12 hrs a day and 6 days a week, but they say love conquers all , and this i believe to mean it coquers all the hurt the pain and all the other stuff, true love never dies, and like you said we might end up together, but can you forgive for having a child with another woman???
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