My intention was to write a blog entry this morning, but obviously...that didn't happen. I'm writing in a state of tiredness because I just spent the last hour or so crying my eyes out! I finally found a decent downloadable copy of The Fault in Our Stars and I can not be happier that I did NOT go see this movie in theater. I was blubbering, sobbing, whining, crying, disappearing into a puddle of tears and just when I would catch my breath (because my nose became too congested to breathe out of) I would start wailing all over again. The movie was just as good as the book, which in itself is a shocker, but I expected nothing less from John Green. I hold him in high regard. But luckily, after having viewed and cried for what seemed like several hours over two characters I have loved through pages and screens, I am now in a state of mind to write a bit and give some reflection to how the last three days have gone.
This past weekend was marvelous. It was such an adventure that my soul had been craving and my mind was in need of. My boyfriend and I connected with an old friend of mine that I haven't seen in roughly 5 years. We drove out to Oakland, drank some coffee, and chatted. Shortly after meeting up with my old friend, who now seems like a new friend, my boyfriend had a visitor as well. Four's company and it was nice to have separate conversations going on simultaneously. I've never been fond of Oakland, but there are people that I love that live there, so I've made a decision to be okay with traveling across the Bay and into a land that reminds me mostly of Brooklyn (not a good thing). Our Saturday became a hunt for this so called 'music festival' that ended up being rather difficult to find and ended up not happening at all. But it did land us in a nice spot to eat some West African food, explore the neighborhood, and catch some delicious rays of sunshine. There was nothing to complain about. That evening we departed and headed back to frisco for a dinner out with a SAS friend and her boyfriend. Marvelous soup, great conversation, warm hugs, and beautifully familiar faces.
Although it may seem like I'm rushing through the events that occurred this past weekend, I have a plan, so trust me.
Sunday was just a delight: warmth and cloudless skies and an afternoon spent with my friend and boyfriend in Burlingame for an outdoor music/art/craft fair! Bought some art, ate a delicious empanada, and drank a flavorful smoothie from Plant Cafe. The entire day was a delight and then that very evening the boyfriend, his friend, my friend, and I joined in for an adventure at Muir Beach for a bon fire, wine, and sunset gazing. It was glorious and such a way to end such a beautiful weekend!
Monday came around and although it wasn't as eventful as the past few days, it was eventful in its own way. NestGSV called and asked me to start work with them in just two days! I got the job as a receptionist and I was so happy to hear it! I'm more excited about where I'm working, who I work with, and the mission I get to work for as well. The position isn't spectacular but if I give it my all and go in with a positive attitude I don't see how it can't be a marvelous experience and a great way to network and grow my professional circle.
My boyfriend said to me yesterday that he's nervous about me hating my job in three weeks. That I tend to pull the curtain back too soon and get wrapped up in the bad rather than relish in the awesome. That, at first, made me angry to think that I was pessimistic and that I couldn't see the good in the opportunities I was given. That hit me hard, the idea that I was allowing myself to be pessimistic in my great achievements.
I guess it's really hard to teach an old dog new tricks.
Well, today I wanted to reflect on all the things. One thing is for sure, and it's stuck with me for a while, well since last night. My boyfriend and I went food shopping last night and for some reason I was in a bad mood, easily aggravated, and feeling very sassy. I had just been told I got the job with Nest and then I felt this overwhelming feeling to rush through food shopping so we can get home, eat, and go to bed. But what for? Why the sense of rushing and why didn't I stop to be joyous about my victory and the new job? Why didn't I take that time with myself and why was I so mean and snippy to the man I love and adore?
Looking back on it I realize that my initial way of reacting when I'm in a bad mood is to take my frustration and anger out on the person that loves me the most, my boyfriend. And he has done nothing but care for me and be loving towards me. He didn't deserve my rudeness and I didn't need to be rude to myself or cause that conflict. There was a lot I should have done in the situation, now looking back. Hindsight...ugh. I now understand I need to be more vocal about how I feel, ask the questions I assume answers to, and assume that my boyfriend has my best interest at heart. He's always looked after me and us and I need to develop more trust in him so our relationship can grow and expand. I feel that because I was irritated I hadn't fully felt or appreciated the new adventure I get to embark on tomorrow. I left the chocolate gig and feel a great weight lifted.
I need to set more intention to how I react, or rather, not react and do more reflecting before I speak. Words can hurt, and I've seen how some of the things I say can hurt the ones I love.
Intention:
think before I speak
revel in the beautiful day before me
remember that everyday is a gift
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