I've a real in-ability to not care what people think of me. I find myself getting so caught up in how you think I smell, dress, look and act that I forget to really stay true to what makes me happy.
I have this overwhelming need to have everyone like me - and reality is you're never going to make anyone happy. Yet I try non the less... If you place your happiness on the shoulders of others it's oft going to fall for most shoulders can't and shouldn't carry that burden.
Social media compounds matters but putting images and emotions in your face on the daily of what you should wear how you should look, how you should feel who you should be with, when you should be having kids, what they should wear. If we look at this stuff too much we can't help but feel the need to conform... and here we become torn. Trying to live up to the image the media depicts what you should be and who you should actually be are two totally different people. The facebook profiles of all your happy friends who have wonderful boyfriends and beautiful girlfriends puts you at a loss for why don't you have that special someone?
This is not the way life is supposed to be. I have gotten caught up completely in this. Wondering why I am constantly watching the girl who I want to be with walk away with some douchue bag who treats her like crap as she waves and smiles as she walks off saying "your such a perfect guy Anthony your the guy every girl would be lucky to be with" really? We've got into such a way of thinking that we need to be and do certain things in life to be happy and I am so caught up in that right now its just disgusting so as of today I have divested myself of all social media. No longer do I cater completely to your thoughts and concerns - I will of course continue to be me and smile and laugh and always be positive. But I wont bend over backwards to be kind to you and allow you to walk all over me, I wont sit there anymore wondering why my kindness has been taken for granted and look at social media spewing garbage in my face. Today becomes less about you how you feel, what you want and more about who I am as a person. We go through life and just roll out this incomplete fragment of what we should be, what we could be and someday we wake up wondering why that special person doesn't even know who we are, in a job we cant stand and we have an emotional breakdown. Or we bounce around in life never really understanding who we are... No more...today is less about you and more about me.
I resolve to become the best possible version of me, happy and healthy. I wont hide behind that bullshit façade on facebook, instagram twitter. I am going to become a whole and complete person. I refuse to look back in 20 years and wonder how I ended up where I am and wish or have regrets. I am going to live this thing called life to the fullest.
Today I care less of what you think, and more of what I think about me.
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