So things have been better lately. I feel less stressed out, about most things, but there's still a few things bothering me.
Firstly I feel like a certain someone is ignoring me or avoiding me. They've barely talked to me in the last two weeks, but I don't know if that is because they've been kinda busy or if I've actually done something wrong. I feel like if I ask them, they wont tell me if I have annoyed them, they'll just brush it off, so I've been avoiding asking. If I've done something, I'd rather know though. I hope I'm just being anxious and overthinking things cos I would be devastated if they were upset with me.
Speaking of people not talking to me, I've barely heard from La Bestest since I've been here. I tried organising a few different FaceTime or Skype sessions, but she's not gotten back to me when they were supposed to happen. I know she is busy with work, but checking in every couple days would be nice. There's actually a few people I haven't really talked to since I've been here, I have tried but I don't get much in return. Again I'm probably just being dumb, but it doesn't make me feel so great.
I've given up on my feelings for that person I shouldn't have feelings for. It's just not healthy for me and they haven't shown any interest so what's the point really? I've even stopped dreaming of them, which is great, cos that was just confusing and upsetting.
I haven't heard from Mr Bus Driver, which is also great, cos I don't like people that lie and cheat.
As for Cutie, the text game is strong! Haha! We did chat on the phone the other night, his accent is super cute. We just rambled on about stupid things for half hour then we both went to bed. He has hinted nearly every day that he wants to catch up, but I'm terrified. I've told him that I have no confidence and there's a chance we wont meet, but he's determined. Maybe if I lose alllllll the weight I want to lose, than he'll get his chance. Lol!
Things with S are also great. I really can't wait to get home and see him, even if it is just as friends.
I finally believe that I've at least lost cms, though I still doubt the weight loss. I tried my bridesmaid dress on again tonight and it fits perfectly. It was fitted so much better than last time I tried it on and it sits nicely everywhere now. I just want to lose more weight off my butt so that it doesn't stick out so much haha!
I find it hard to believe that I've lost anything cos I haven't been doing much, just walking to and from Jules' house and the shop and going on Jules' flabelos machine (it's one of those vibration plate things and it is amazing!) I feel like if I better my diet, up the walking and get to the gym this month, I'll actually lose quite a bit more weight.
My eating has been a lot better than what it is at home.. Because I'm up with DJ most mornings, I always have brekkie and I haven't been binging or snacking very often either. Occasionally I've had a takeaway or some pizza or some Pringles and chocolate, but I'm not doing too bad. It helps that Sarah makes me nice healthy dinners a lot of the time!
I am cutting out caffeine and as much sugar as possible from tomorrow so I'm hoping that will make a big difference. After that it's soda and as many processed foods as possible. I'm not looking forward to cutting things out, but if I want to have the body I want and need, then these are the changes I need to make right now.
Once I'm home, there's some massive changes I need to make and lots I need to do.
The first thing I'm gonna concentrate on is getting my P's. I have had my Learner's driving licence on and off for 10 years now and I'm sick of not being able to get places and waiting for buses and relying on my parents to drive me around. I have a car now (his name is Weasley and yes he is red) so I need to just get my lessons booked and done so I can enjoy him.
When I have my license, it will be a lot easier to find a new (better) job. That's the next thing on my list of things to do when I get home. I like working in photo lab/home entertainment, but it's a job, not a career, and an unreliable one at that. After 8 years working for the same company, you'd think you would be able to rely on getting full time hours all year round. I work my arse off for that place, but nothing I do is ever going to be good enough. I want to find something that is at least full time and reliable, than I will figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. I just need something in the meantime to provide me with enough money to do the things I need to do, get myself out of debt and save for the things that I want and need and also for a house.
There's a few things that I've wanted to do as a career, but I just don't know if they will work. There will be a lot of investigating and planning over the next few weeks and months.
Once I've got some money sorted out, there's some work I need to get done. I want to fix my teeth and after losing all the weight I want to lose, my body is going to need a few fix ups. I don't hide the fact that I want my boobs reduced and I WILL get it done as soon as I can afford it. I'm sick of people telling me that's against nature or whatever, you try fucking carrying these things around all day.
I should stop writing this essay of an entry since it's almost 2am. I will definitely write tomorrow. Lovelove xx
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