So, I kind of just came here to follow my friends from OD but I miss not having my own place to vent. Especially lately, this has been SUCH a stressful month. With that being said, I think I need to start writing here. My normal "blog" and my facebook I always feel like I can't post about bad stuff or say how I really feel cause then people get offended or bitch that I'm whining. It's like on those site I have to make it look like my life is so happy and perfect all the time.
This has been a horrible month, really all year hasn't been that great, but this month especially has been crap.
I'm a photographer, so my income varies and is never guaranteed 'til I get the money in my hands basically.
My hubs works on commission and it is usually pretty good, like enough to get us by. On an amazing month he'll make $11,000, on a pretty standard month he'll make $6,000-8,000. This month brought him $2500. That is NOTHING for us. We have 3 kids, a mortgage ($1090, which is cheap for San Diego), car payments ($750 for mine, $650 for his). Our electric bill alone this month was $1200, and HAD to be paid or it would get shut off (yes, $1200 for ONE month). So, on the 5th (payday), he got like $1020. Not enough to pay the mortgage, OR the $1200 electric bill. Luckily I had just gotten a $450 deposit for a wedding I'm doing and we had enough the pay the electric. He got an advance to pay the mortgage. It's so frustrating.
I think it's really hard for me because my hubs has a HORRIBLE spending problem. The first month he made $11,000 he was like I'm buying us new cars! Which added about $1000 to what we were used to paying for our cars between the extra gas, higher insurance and higher payment. He bought both the cars WITHOUT ME! Yes me, his wife. He called and asked what I thought we should do and I said I don't think you should buy them and he did it anyways.
So now when he has bad months, which have been more and more frequent, I'm the one stuck trying to juggle the bills. I bring in about $1000-1500 a month, it varies depending on the season and weddings. But with three kids the cost of after school care and daycare for us would end up being about $350/week if I went back to a normal 8-5 type job, so realistically what would I bring home after I paid all that, maybe $200? Right now my mom just watches the kids when I have sessions cause it's usually only two hours a day a few days a week, so I don't have to pay her. And now I get to be home with my kids majority of the time, so it really doesn't make sense for me to go back. Once all three are in school I wouldn't mind going back to work during their school hours, but that's a few years away.
I guess I just free stuck... trapped. Like we'll have to pay debt forever!
I think after this month, literally living on nothing, he finally see's how bad it is. He offered to sell his truck but at this point it wouldn't really help the situation much, he's only had it a year so it's pretty upside down.
ugh... where's a money tree? lol
I was keeping all the baby stuff from my youngest, but at this point I think I'm gonna put it up for sale today. It just takes up room and right now I don't even want to think about having another kid. 3 is enough! lol! We change our mind frequently but I really feel like I'm ready for these ones to grow up and us to have more time as a couple and I'm so over terrible two's (and we're only 3 months in).
Ugh..
Ok vent done... for now :)
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