Things have gotten strange since her surgery. She is now 3 weeks post-op and seems worse each day.
I fear depression.
She does little but lay about in bed. Initally the first days post-op she was over doing it. She was carrying laundry down the step and doing the laundry by the basketfulls. She was folding and hanging them too. And it is strange as with all this energy she had, it all occured when her mom was here visiting. Once mother-in-law left, so did that drive. Was it real? Did she hurt herself. Well one surgical site has opened, but is still healing.
Last night we went to bed, but around 2:00am I was awakened by her playing computer games on her laptop. Iended up coming downstairs and sleeping on the sofa.
She does not want to return to work, that I understand as I too hate my job. But her work is at home in her office, only a walk down the hallway.
She has had one follow up appointment and has two more so that she can arrange to stay out of work for the full 6 weeks. At least she is not dwelling on how far behind she will be, uaually that is her main concern.
And between us...
She has informed me that there will be no sex for 6 months, I thought her Doc had said 6 weeks. And pre-op we did not have sex for 2 months. Needless to say I am hornier than a three pecker billy goat! And I have been told our sex play will change, no more toys and none of the lubes. That is going to suck. I enjoyed the toys and thought she did too, and post menepausal sex is all but impossible without a lubericant. She refuses any hormone therapy saying she is not a good risk due to cancer in the family.
She is also growing distant. I feel more like her friend, not her lover. Last weekend I really tried getting her in the mood. We can play, manual stimulation, biting, licking, a vibrator on her, both doing oral, maybe even masturbating together, but there is none of this. I hint, but it is not taken.
I feel at wits end. Today when I arrived home there was a suit case of hers sitting at the foot of the bed. I questioned if she was leaving and she responded would I care? I explained that I love her and want her to never leave.
I ride my bike to work, leaving her the truck, but she has not tried driving. I had thought by now she could drive. So she stays cooped up in the house all day with little outside contact.
So I struggle along, lost and confussed with no idea how to handle this.
I feel alone even with her in the house. I do not feel wanted or desired for.
I think I will get drunk tonight......
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