Just at the moment when I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life giving of myself for my significant other. Sharing every day and all the lovely and horrid moments life brings, because we were supposed to get engaged. Two were to become one, finally after three and a half years of dating.
He left me.
So now I'm supposed to spend time focusing on myself? At the moment I thought for sure my life was going to be about him (and I was happy about it) I am supposed to change gears.
"Do all of those things you didn't have time to do before" is what they say to me.
The problem is, I never felt like I didn't have time. I suppose there are things I've always wanted to do though. One is learn to play the guitar and piano. I'm starting with guitar. I went and got new strings, and a tuner and I'm waiting for a teacher to call me back. Private lessons...maybe twice a week.
I plan to move into a house in January when my lease is up...probably closer to the water. I want a second bedroom and I want to re-decorate. I was holding back doing that because I figured we'd move in together at some point. Now, who knows how long I will live alone.
I'm pretty mad at him. I really was so sure he was the one. Now I'm stuck comparing him to every guy I date. I've been dating. Dating a lot. However, coming up pretty short. He was pretty amazing. Its hard to compare.
So this journal is basically a starting over. This is the new beginning I guess. Trying to figure out what my life is going to look like now that I'm not supposed to picture him in it anymore.
Here goes nothing.
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