I absolutely hate this feeling. I’m 10 weeks into this gig and it’s ruined my weekend. I dread going into the office tomorrow, even though I’m happy to have 2/3 of my staff in-house. I’m also interviewing another designer tomorrow to replace the one I lost to another area in the company (she’s not going to work out, however, so there goes another one, contributing to the high turnover), but I don’t want to take on another person! …well, I say that. What if she’s super good and she can help me??
Regardless, I’m feeling sooooo ugh about it all right now. I woke up this morning from a dream about work! That’s so frigging DUMB!
And I’m a little bit lonely, too.
The good news is that my sweet friend Michelle came to visit me from a town that’s about 45 minutes north of me yesterday (Saturday). She came for a walk and talk with me at my amazing park and I was so happy she did. It truly made my weekend.
Michelle is a gem of a person. I’ve known her for a good 30 years now - starting with work about 5 jobs ago. We knew each other in [former city] and she also did business with the company I worked for in The Great Midwest, so we’d see each other when she came to town on business, and I’d see her in NYC when we’d travel there for work too. And then she decided to become a full-time artist and move with her husband to this little town north of [my city], and I just love that. Great visit!
But then all day today I have fretted over work bullshit that I’m going to have to deal with this week.
I just ran into a CVS to grab something and I started talking with this woman because I had Martini with me. Turns out she’s a rehab counselor and I feel like I just had a friendly counseling session. Ha!
Y’all. I need a backup plan. I knew it was not going to be easy going in, but I never dreamed that I’d be feeling like this after 10 weeks. But then how am I going to explain this situation after being unemployed for a year, that I didn’t find my latest job a fit??? Halp.
Even Crazy Bob, my psychiatrist friend told me to get ready to pivot, but he also gave me some decent advice about how to help me alleviate my anxiety and stick with it for a while. Now, it does have to do with “microdosing” my Valium (my language, not his, but technically what it is) for a two week experiment. Plus, he recommended a very impressive-sounding psychologist for some therapy. So.
Anyway. I miss you guys SO MUCH! I want to write more, but I find myself so absolutely DRAINED during the work week. I simply don’t have the energy to do much more than come home from work, pour myself a bowl of cereal or two (stress eat), veg in front of the TV (grateful for trash TV like Love is Blind) and then hit my bed. I am asleep the second my head hits the pillow and I have trouble dragging myself out of bed in the morning.
I HATE being like that. Where are the days when I was thrilled to get up and out of bed?? Even on my suckiest days at my last job I was always happy to get up.
Now.
GS
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