I Just Want Him To Go Away [Friends Only Entry] Sunday, October 26, 2003
Keith paid back the money he owed me. That was supposed to make it easy for me to let him go. I should have known that it still wasn't going to be easy. At night, before I go to sleep, I replay over and over what I want to say to him. At night it always seems easy. Everything seems so clear while I lay in bed thinking. I just think that all I have to do is say, "Keith, me and you are too different. We both need different things, and what I need you can not give me. That is why we can't see each other anymore." Seems simple enough, right? Oh no. I hear his voice or see him and instantly I freeze up. I can't tell him anything.
I really need to let him go. Or wait a minute. Maybe I need him to let go of me? I do know this. The 36 days I went with out seeing him were enough to know that I am happier with out him. Sure the first few days I cried and cried. It hurt so much. However, by the third week I felt happy again, and I mean the happiness that I don't hardly ever get to feel. One of the reasons I am so scared of letting go of Keith is because I know that it's going to get harder before it gets easier. I don't want to go through that again. I just want to be happy. I know that I am not happy with Keith. Sure, there are times that him and I have so much fun together. However, those times are so few and far apart that it's just not enough.
I just want him to want to be with me. I want him to come see me. I want him to love me. I want him to go away... then realize he can't live with out me and come back for me and never hurt me again.
Her
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(((HUGS))) I know exactly how you feel... I've been in a similar situation, it WILL work itself out. If you can't say it write it down and give it to him but don't dwell on it you deserve to be happy :) [Gothic Dreamer] 10/26/2003 10:36:17 PM
think things through. weigh all your options. best of luck :) [~Heart's Desire~] 10/26/2003 10:45:58 PM
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