7:06pm
Why is it that whenever I get this feeling of wanting to write there isn't anything important to say. Like not even silly boy gossip! blah...
You know what feels nice though? Having money again! No joke. [Everyone already knows this right? Except the exceptionally rich people who have never not had money. hah] See I don't really use money very often. I'm in the extremely fortunate situation where I live at home and am never required to pay a bill.
[I feel like I need to justify that statement a bit. In my defense, I also hardly ever take a paycheck and 'volunteer' most of my time. Plus I don't ask for anything and mostly keep the lights off at home. haha.]
I do take a paycheck during the season. Mostly because it's basically required and Mom forces me into it. So I print out a couple of them to justify the insane hours I work and I'll admit that it feels really nice to have money in my account again. I don't need much to feel extremely excited. hah. Last year my brother was unemployed for a while and I loaned him most of what I earned in the season. My account's never dry, but it's nice when it ticks up a couple notches. And Ryan's paying me back with a direct deposit from his paycheck [holy cow! I can't even tell you how proud I am of him for doing that! He's paying back all his debts finally. I'll get that boy on track if it kills me!]
So anyways, the reason I'm totally excited about seeing a growing bank account [I've only actually had one paycheck so far lol] is that I really want to focus on checking some items off my bucketlist. Like two or three of the easier ones, at least. And I definitely want to hit Seattle. I have this crazy motivation to start this. I've been putting it off because I don't have the money/time/ability/whatever excuse you want. The truth is that I have all those things, or can find a way to acquire them. I need to do this. It's now or never and I feel like I'm running out of time. Life's too dang short, I've learned.
I also have this crazy need to make more friends. I need someone around. Just to hang out with. Grab a drink and decompress. Sit and do nothing. I don't really care. I mean Mom's great and all but we don't see the world in the same way all the time. It would be nice to have someone to connect with who isn't forced to love me. ;-) Of course my mind immediately darts to CK and all these reoccurring thoughts about how we need to be friends now! All those hints he threw my way last week. The "really nice receptionist" and "come over anytime" and the "wine and homemade bread" sorta completely won me over. I don't know why, but the idea of just spending a little time with him seems like it would be interesting. We really do come from different worlds. I want to know how he sees the world. I want to talk to him without my mother, or anyone really, being present.
At the same time, after these last couple weeks, I could see the same thing happening with the winemaker. Like maybe he'll never show up at my office again, but I wouldn't hate it if he did. Sometimes you just meet someone you know you can connect with. So easy to joke around with. And we talked a lot. Even when I wasn't sitting next to him. He would turn around in his chair and direct comments/questions at me. I only wish I'd had the courage to speak up more that last day. There were a bunch of other factors involved but I should have said more. I'll kick myself for that one for a while.
Anyways, these are all things I need to work on. Planning the bucketlist check-off, the socializing, and making friends. I can do this. I just need to put a little more effort into this life already.
rose.
9:41pm
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