12:55pm
I promise to try to find some positive at some point near the end, but let me tell you all the reasons why I just knew today would suck:
I had to get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and it takes me forever to go back to bed.
I was woken up an hour before my alarm went off by my mother standing in my doorway. Apparently she thought I'd called out to her, which I definitely did not since I was in a dead sleep.
My alarm buzzed not long after I went back to sleep, I shut it off, and I promptly went to sleep again. I almost always lay there a while but I knew I was overtired when I actually fell asleep and woke up to realize I was now running late. Cue the running around every where trying to get ready and still barely being able to open my eyes [strange since I went to bed at like 10:30 last night].
Add a horrible self-confidence day to the list. And an obvious hormonal imbalance making me feel all depressed and weepy.
Now we can go ahead and include the part about the one thing happening that I didn't want to happen: the winemaker showed up. I was seriously all set to joke about taking my cut and needing a bottle of wine/dinner/whatever and I botched the whole thing. Mostly for all the above reasons and the fact that I'm a complete chicken when it comes to these things.
The door opened, I walked up as mom called out my name, saw him when I turned the corner, half-smiled, pulled his papers from the drawer and stumbled through the part about "was going to take my cut" while he was already interrupting me "since I kind of convinced you" and he said something like, "I got you" that I didn't understand the meaning of. I just stopped talking and he walked out the door and gave me some weird wave.
And it sorta all broke my heart... [consequence of the above mentioned weepy-ness, I guess]
I totally feel defeated. Like I completely missed my chance. Couldn't even look him in the eyes. Then of course I start thinking about how he probably hates me because I'm hideous and he waved at me like he was dismissing some little kid. Now I'm even more depressed than I was when the day started and I haven't even had lunch yet. Plus I must have had too much coffee because I'm shaky all over and can barely focus on anything. I want to go home and sleep the rest of the day away. Alone.
Because I promised:
-Putting my hair up apparently makes me feel better. I assume that's because I no longer look like a mopey mess.
-It's 'raining' outside and I love the rain.
-The instrumental version of the Titanic theme song is on the radio right now. Ahhh 4th grade choir and my super crush on Michael. haha.
-I just had lunch and it was delicious and I feel better now. [although I'll probably still cry about that whole interaction later tonight - after one or six drinks]
Good day,
rose.
2:35pm
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