Whelp, weekend has come and gone and I did have a nice one. And yes, I saw SP. And I’m beginning/continuing to feel a little bit foolish. Thing is, I do miss him when we’re apart. And I do wonder if we can have some kind of thing without strings. But I don’t know if that’s what I want. So many have brought up good points and it’s really, really easy when SP and I are hanging together, but so fucking hard when we’re apart and I’m left wondering.
I wish I were seeing someone else as I’m sure he is. We don’t talk about it.
The Bulldog is pretty much gone now. I finally figured out that The Bulldog and I never stood a chance as he is more or less celibate. It’s a long story. It’s actually a sad story and I don’t know if I believe it 100%, but it’s his story and maybe I’ll tell it one day. But for now, I’ve all but stopped contact with him because I was feeling guilty about seeing SP. I was also upfront with The Bulldog when SP started contacting me and I engaged. He was actually quite insightful about the issue and offered great advice (of which I did not take – hence the guilt).
And I’ve checked Tinder once or twice – even sparked (answered… I don’t initiate) some communication with some dudes. But I’m just not that into it and I always end up simply blowing them off. That’s not really fair, is it? I want them when I want them, but then I don’t. Hm. Sound familiar?
I need to find a better focus in my life. So, my horoscope says I’m entering into a super-charged phase in terms of my career! This is good news as I need to take my focus off of love for a while, ya think?
I need to find a way to get back into pure fashion. What I do now has a definite element of fashion, but it’s not true fashion. It’s also very much a numbers drudge…and I’m not so great with numbers. I mean, it’s not that I can’t figure the numbers part out, it’s just not my forte and I don’t like to crunch them. So, yuck.
There is potential for a promotion soon. If that happens (we’re talking title + $$ and more responsibility), I’m sticking it out for a while longer here. If the title doesn’t happen, I’m looking even faster. However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t sniff around and do a little resume sending right now.
I also have a strong desire to nest right now, too. I’ve been decorating the apartment and now I want to throw everything out of my kitchen and start from scratch. I don’t cook much, but I have a craving to learn the tricks and get the tools and gadgets.
Here are the things I feel like doing in the very near future:
- Search out potential new job
- Get a French Bulldog puppy
- Compile all of the cooking tools of the trade
- Learn to cook like a mutha!
- Finish clearing out storage space once and for all.
- Get a new lover
- Figure out what to do with SP
- Make some “art” out of the canvases and paper I purchased a while back (I have the idea of folded paper on canvas in mind…just need to do it)
- Hire a personal trainer who also has nutrition guidelines
- Go to Champagne, France
- Buy a new Fall wardrobe (chunky-heeled boots, bags with leather-laced details, brocade dresses in shades of copper…)
- Join a new group. Crafters? Jewelry makers? Chefs?
- Learn how to make the most of a walking workout
- Start something creative online – but what? Themed Instagram? Pinterest? Something else?
- Make a new friend
- Have that damn party!
Is that enough stuff? I’m exhausted but exhilarated thinking about all of this! I better get outta here. I’m still at the office and need to get going…
I love you!
GS
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