Still No Goodbye [Friends Only Entry] Monday, January 06, 2003
I realize that it has only been a day since I wrote the entry asking Keith to let go of me. He has not called yet to say goodbye. He hasn't called to say hello. He just hasn't called. The last time he left a message on my phone it said, "You must be sleeping. I hope you don't think I played you last night." He must have a guilty conscious because Keith, I know you played me. However, it's ok now. I forgive you. You don't know who I am. You have the wrong image of me. You think of me as this girl that is lost in the world and will never figure anything out. It's ok though. I am not what you think. I am so much more. I am honest. I am pretty. I am independent. I am strong. I am helpful. I am giving. I am supportive. I am a good person that has made mistakes, learned from them, and moved on with out them. You let that go. However, if you couldn't find any part of yourself caring about me, then it's better this way. I wish you could have turned out being more like me, butit didn't happen that way. I feel that people in this world should be treated well no matter what they do, unless they start to walk on you. I don't believe you think that way. I believe that you think women are less than what you are. However, I am one woman that has so much more than you do. Maybe you should resonsider your outlook on life.
I am trying so hard to not make this entry a bash session on you. However, you have to realize that you haven't been good to me. You haven't kept up with your end of the deal. You played me over and over. Remember the night I layed in bed crying that I was tired of being hurt? You held me and told me that you wouldn't let me be hurt again. I will never understand how a person can feel no shame, no guilt, or no remorse. I wish you could feel those feeelings... because with out them you will never be able to feel pain, hurt, or neglect. With out any of those feelings you will never be able to appreciate happiness, hope, or love. With out the appreciation of these emotions, I pray that your stubberness and strength are enough to allow you to be content someday.
I truly can't wait until this is over. I can't keep on beating this dead horse. I can't keep on waiting for you. I need you more than anything to say, "goodbye..." Please just say goodbye to me.
My Pledge
From this moment I promise myself that Keith will no longer breathe the same air I do, or touch my heart, soul, of skin. He will never see me. He will never hear my voice, my laugh, or my moans. He will never be in any kind of experience with me, travel with me, or share the same day with me. He will also never be able to love me, care for me, or take my heart again. There was only one dance between us. We will never dance again.
Her
Leave a Note
aww!! [.::Sweet Stuff::.] 1/7/2003 12:23:31 AM
Aw, take care. ::hugs:: [DIRRTY // beautiful] 1/7/2003 12:24:27 AM
dwp 1/8/2003 4:07:43 AM
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